A weekend Away and my new camera

It was our 29th wedding anniversary on 25th October. crickey! Where have 20 years gone? I remeber when we got married saying to Norman 'i wonder what our lives will be like in 10 years. Will we have kids, be in the same house etc?' Well 20 years on we've 3 lovely kids and we're still in the same house, although much extended to accomodate a growing family! I do get maudling and negative at times though and look at how my own helath has deteriorated and what I've put Norman through in those 20 years, especially the last 4!! it always amazes me that he's still here, although he'll go mad if he reads this! but I've seen so many marriages not survive because of mental illness that I'm very grateful that ours has survived. He's still my best friend and soulmate.

He bought me a camera of my own for our anniversary and I bought him a gift voucher for claypigeon shooting and quad biking

Last weekend my parents treated us to a weekend away. We didnt go far. To a DeVere hotel just outside Chester. It was lovely. Posh food, gorgeous surroundings. If you play golf, and we dont, it had the most amazing, huge golf course. we explored the countryside in Cheshire and Wales. I took my scooter (alias Aston Martin!!!) and whizzed up and down the streets of Ruthin. Now norman has always hated the idea of a scooter, but even he admitted that it was much easier than pushing me up steep hills in a wheelchair!!! So I think I've finally won him over!
We ate too much and generally chilled.
Now we're back home! We came back to earth with a crash as Josh had missbehaved for a change and thrown a tantrum at his grandparents and swore at them! he is really wearing us both down at the minute. he's whinging and whining for a new mobile phone. Admitedly his is at the end of its life, but the tantrums and the constant broken record whining. I told him this morning after yet another bout , that he's ruined his chances because of his behaviour. he always doesa this too us, esp me as he knows I break easily. if he wants something he goes on and on and on. he's like a rotweiler with his teeth into something. he eventually wears me down and gets what he's after. But this ttime I've had enough and am digging my heels in!!Pre- teens, whoever invented them. send him down the mines I say!!!


Knitting

well I've given poor lone sock a mate. They are blissfully happy if rather miss matched!!





This is an old Opal colour. Well 12 months and not made any more, but you can still find it on E-bay.

Sock pair number 2 are OTN as we speak. well one is!! They were supposed to be form my next door neighbours 40th on Saturday but as its the first time I've attempted a lace pattern on a sock they are taking me rather longer than I thought. I can knit a plain sock in 5 days. ( I dont knit very quickly).





The yarn is home dyed using Kool Aid- they smell of strawberries! ( and vinegar-but we'll try and ignore that bit!!!) The pattern is from a Patons booklet from America.

I dyed somemore yarn last week. I tried dying silk. Gawd it stunk once wet!!!! it was like the reptile centre at the zoo!!! The silk didnt take the black too well so the skein looks denim. it needs over dying again if I can stand the smell again!

this skein below is one of my favourites yet. As they say practise makes perfect so the more i mess and experiment the better it gets. Dont think I'm ready for an Etsy shop yet though!!



On the FM front;
I'm suffering for my days away! I've missed art class today as I'm too stiff and in too much pain to go. I had a lie in , a very long hot soak, and came on here. I realise dwhen we were away just how much our water bed at home helps. On holiday I woke up so stiff i couldnt get dressed i couldnt reach my feet to get my knick on or my socks and I couldnt manage my bra. I needed help dressing! I've managed today, just about! Something else going down the pan. each time I need help it takes a bit of my independence away. I can understand now why old folks get stuborn about leaving their home to go into a nursing home. its the errosion of independence. I'm rying to maintain as much of my independence as my body will allow...
I'd love some new legs though! I did order long sexy barbie type ones but they've not arrived. must be the postal stikes!

Socktober! Squishy yumminess and alot of noise!

Knitting
important things first!!! I've finally caught up with Socktober! I've fished out 1 poor lonely sock and decided to give it a mate!

These are 'Fancy Feet' from Knit Today, Oct 06

next a parcel arrived Sat Morning from Violet Greenhttp://violetgreen.co.uk/- (way I think a link may finally have worked!!!)

They are Supersock in colourway Jim and Merino 4-ply in Admiral. Cheered me up immensly. I used my birthday money, although this birthday money does seem to have been spent 4 times over!!!! I had what in yiddish is called a good 'kvetch' or feel translated. MMMM tactile therapy cant beat it!!!!

I've finished Forest Canopy- Hurray! Something actually finished!!Its blocking on my mat on the dining room table. Cinders keeps sleeping on it!!! She seems to love clean washing of any sort but its damp and I keep telling her she'll get a wet botty, but will she take any notice!!!!LOL!

FM

I feel much better and more cheerful today. I think I've finally won Hubby over to me buying a scooter! This happened on Saturday. I went to the local disabled shop to collect some wheelchair gloves I'd ordered. I asked him about scooters and he showed me a second hand one, hardly used, collapsible, perfect for getting out and about. I went back to the car and tried talking to OH but he wasnt having any of it. I ended up in tears frustrated, depressed. I told him to read my blog and see how down I was about being totally reliant on him to go out. I think it has worked as we went back to the shop to try the scooter out . I can have it on the proviso that a taxi will take it and help lift it in and out. I've checked today and they will, also I can use it on the metro. So More freedom for me. I've also been totally frustrated as if I run out of cahs I cant get any and have to wait for Norman to come home from work and go to the cash machine. A few weeks ago the kids raided my purse for dinner money and left me with 20p!!! So if it hadnt of been for the Taxi vouchers I would have been totally house bound that dya. At least if I have the scooter I can tootle to the cash machine. heres hoping

On the pain front things died down last week. But I was home with Josh and his stomach bug! I reduced my pain releif, last night I only took one tablet to help me sleep instead of 2. So I hardly slept am in alot of pain today!!! I've managed to bake a cake, but its totally wiped me out!! I havnt cleared up yet.

General

This is the noise bit! Josh has finally got his drum kit!!! ear plugs at the ready!! its in the garage. The house reverberated all weekend as he did his best Keith Moon impressions!! he had his i-Pod on and bashed away. Crikey its loud.

Now here is a good recipe for disaster!;

take one boy, one drum kit and mix with one mother suffering from FM and noise sensitivity!!!! Yeah great!!! good job I have ear plugs. he can only play up till 7pm cos of the neighbours and at weekends not till after 11am or later if I'm not up. Our bedroom is directly over the garage so I dont need vibrating out of bed!

Happy news. Sam is coming home this weekend. I'm really excited. I chat to him on MSN most nights, but its not the same. I'll have to try and not do my suffocating Jewish mother bit!!'Chuckily, your home. have some chicken soup, you look pale, you're not eating enough! etc, etc-my best Maureen Lipman doing beattie on the telephone ads! of course Sam has an 'ology'!!!

A Visit from Social services and some new books.

The social worker responsible for carers came yesterday. She came to chat to hubby about what they can do to help. We're getting vouchers that we can use for personal care for me, stair and bath rails and Josh is being refered to the young carers so that he can get out on school holidays

I feel very down about it all today. I mean I'm grateful for any help, but accepting it a my age is very hard.

I wish I could just jump on a bus, go to town, have some enjoyable retail therapy and come home! ha, ha!! Not a chance. I'm hoping my walking may improve enough to walk a bit further then I wont be so reliant on people.

Knitting

Ive sorted out with mum to take the seams in on the sewing machine on the huge vest top,

so at least I'll be able to wear the top!!

I bought a couple of books with my birthday money, Twisted sisters sweater book, twisted sisters sock book and a book on lace shawls. I love the sock book. its got some new methods of dying that I havnt tried yet.

Forest Canopy is well on the way to being finished. I'm hoping to get it finished today so I can block it

On the dietary front Rachelmade me a lovely meal last night, pan fried salmon, potato rosti, which I didnt eat, and loads of sitr fry veg. she's going to cook with me at the weekend and leave me some meals for lunches next week. She's a lovely daughter.

Very Frustrated!!

I'm starting to feel very fed up. It stemed from last week when the kids were on half term. Rachels fine. She organises herself. But Josh is a different story. He doesnt seem to have any friends yet from school. By Friday he was climbing the walls, really fed up. His feet were hanging out of his trainers. he wanted me to take him to Bury to buy new trainers. I couldnt. I'd need the wheelchair to get around. he wanted to push it but I couldnt risk letting him push me round the shops on his own with no adult supervision. So we stayed in both fed up. I felt very upset .
On Saturday we did the required shopping. But I was totally reliant on Norman to push me round. its absolutely hatefull being in awheelchair. People kept barging into me as they werent looking where they were going. Norman and Josh were upstairs in one shop, I was sat outside as I couldnt get up the stairs. I could've been doing my own little bits while they were in there. But as I was stuck in that bleeding wheelchair I had to wait for them to come down. I really want a scooter but Hubby is really opposed to it for some reason. it'd give me a bit more autonomy. I know they're expensive, but I'm worried about becoming depressed again as I can feel my mood slipping.
my own Wheelchair arrived today which I'm obviously not too happy about. I mean I'm happy I got one free on the NHs, but its just the concept of it.

Knitting

I've sewn this vest up and arrrghhh! its too big. its absolutely huge! so now I dont know what I'm going to do with it. I'm wondering if it'll shrink ina hot washs or whether I can sew larger seams and cut out the extra . But it may unravel that way!
Nothing seems to be going right at the minute. every time I knit something for me its a disaster. Think I'll stick to socks and scarves!!

Diet

On the dietary front I'm not GLing any more. I just couldnt get my head around it at the minute. I'm too reliant on others to cook for me and cant be bothered cooking myself. I've just no motivation. I hate my size so I've asked hubby and Rachel to cook some helthy meals for me . Rachel mis very enthusiastic about it and is planning to make me some soups and casseroles. I've had my Gillian McKeith book out again. I find her very extreme but I'm going to use some of her principles and see if it gets any weight off. also I have to think about my cholesterol and shape. I'm apple shaped, my BMI is over 30 and I have High BP and high cholesterol and a family history of heart disease so If that doesnt make me shift nothing ever will. I dont want to drop dead from a heart attack in 15/20 years time. so its back to basics and fruit and veg.

another knitting mess!!!

Knitting

Aggghhh! I've done it again! I'm finishing off my v neck vest and I've managed to knit the neck band across the shoulder shaping. I didnt realise of course until I came to join on the left shoulder. I've tried sewing it over the ribbing but it looks lumpy . So it looks as though I'm going to have to undo the entire neck ribbing! boo.Hoo!!! 130 stitches!!!! who would think that a simple jumper could get in a tangle? I was about to feel very proud that I'd actually finished something and now its gone wrong. Cry! I can feel a sock coming on!! But I mustnt abandon the vest, I want to wear it.

FM
The nurse came on Monday to measure me up for a wheelchair. it may take up to 8 weeks to get it as theres a backlog, but at least the NHS is providing. Its still hard to accept that I need it, but otherwise I'd be virtually housebound.
I was only thinking how my life had changed this morning when I was relaxing in the hydrotherapy pool. The other day mum was talking about her close friend who is very ill. she lives very near to me. I know if I was well and driving I'd be round looking after her. In a way I dont mind being as I am. it takes away the guilt or need to run around after everyone else and neglect myself. which is what I was good at. Mum is unable to get across town to her hospital appt. I felt cross at first that I couldnt help, but now it doesnt bother me. Infact in my art class last week a man took ill. I let others look after him till the ambulance arrived. My nursing days are over. I was surprised at how I've changed . I mean I wont sit back and be looked after, I hate being incapable, but i cant do for others as I once did and I accept it.

The pain is just as bad as ever, I received a letter from the hopspital giving me an appt for a clinic. it doesnt say what clinic so I presume its the pain clinic I've been referred to!!!
I managed 8 baby lenghts today in the pool which is very good. On Monday when I went the warm baby pool was being used for kids polo so I went in the freezing cold adult pool. BIG mistake!!! My legs froze. I could hardly walk and I couldnt walk up the stairs. Norman had to push and haul me up!!!

Cats

Cinders has taken to trying to get my attention when I'm on the computer. she comes up and taps me, meows and eventualy gets up and walks all over the key board and stands in front of the screen. its as if she's trying to stop me going on!!!
She was at the side of the 'pooter before. I'm sure she was looking how to unplug it!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

Happy birthday to me, happy birhtday to me, happy birthday to meeeeeeeee, happy birthday to me!!!!!LOL
Incase you didnt guess today is my birthday. I've had a good day. In the way of pressies I got some money, bath stuff and I asked for vouchers for GetKnitted.com but they havnt arrived yet. Sam says there is a parcel on its way to me, plus one from little Sis in Canada, plus I ordered 2 knitting books with my money so I'm awaiting Mr Postie with excitement this week!!!
tonight we went out for an Indian meal which was lovely. Earleir in the day hubby and I took Sam back to Uni. He's been home for 4 days. it was lovely having him home amndmade the Jewish hols seem like a proper family time.
Rachel made me a bonkers card with a picture of me and Bono on the front (in my dreams!!!) The verses and silly phrases she put inside were hilarious. she definitely cheered me up!!!

Knitting
I'm spending too much time on Ravellry to actually Knit!!! Though I'm on the way to finishing my v neck top. About time I finished something. I'm good at casting on!!!!

FM

I went with hubby and Rach to a shopping centre the other day. I managed to walk into Boots, up 2 isles and then Just about into George and had to turn back and go to the car. I've definitely deteriorated since this last flare up. More hard work is ahead to try and get me back up to reasonable level. But this hasnt happened since 2006! I've just gone down hill since Aug '06.
Today I woke up and felt quite down for a while. Its my b/day and yet it was the same old thing. I woke up stiff and in pain. Hubby had to go and get my cereal so I could take my pain killers as he always does every morning. But then Rachel came in with the mad card and made me laugh so I cheered up again!
I went with to Leeds, via Ikea. my disabled parking badge is coming in handy. we had to hire a wheelchair to go round. Tommorrow there is a lady coming to assess me for my own wheelchair. I want a top of the pange-Porche type model!!!!!

GL On the GL front I'm not bothering at the mo. I'm just trying (jewish hols excepted) to try and eat sensibly. Tonight I had a poppadum and then a veg Dansack so it was veg with lentils, no rice, no chips, a tiny bit of Naan.

RAVELLRY-I'M IN!!!!!!!

Yeeehaaa! my invite came last week. I've been soooo engrosed I've not had time for anything else.!! I still havnt put anything in my own file, I've been too busy oggling everybody elses lace and socks and dyed yarns!!!
Now to my own knitting up dates.
Camisole from Beads Buttons and Lace is bering frogged as we meet and is going to be turned into The Edward from Magknits- will see if this link actually works. They dont usually!!!!
I have been making a mess of my lace so I decided to follow the advice of my fellow Angels at the Angel Yarn forum and go back to bsics. I'm doing the Forest Canopy. I'm loving it. I found some Lana Grossa MegaSocks sokc yarn in my stash and I'm away. it knits really quickly. its taken me 4 days to get up to the final pattern repeat before I cast off!!!!


I've also been dying some yarns with Koolaid. I wanted to see if I could get pastel shades with them. it worked quite well Me thinks!!












This is my last purchase from WoolyWorkshophref="http://www.woollyworkshop.co.uk/">


Its Cherry tree Hill Apple Blossom. In Merino and Possum. its a special colourway from a competition. I liked the Possum bit and was keen to try it. Plus it was in the sale.

My V neck tank is amlost finished


I'm not sure the photo is clear.
phew I've been busy, but loving every minute of it!!!!

Family news
Sam left last Sunday for Uni. I do miss him terribly. I know you have to cut the apron strings and let them go, but its really hard! We went up to see him on Wednesday. he's only at Leeds. its 50 mins away. Infact it takes less time to get there than if he's been at manchester uni on the other side of town!!

Friday night and Saturday was Yom Kippur, another Jewish holiday. its a 25 hour fast . I'm not allowed to fast thankfully because of all my meds. I was never very good at it anyway!
yesterday we put up our Succah,Ready for yet another jewish Holiday of Succoth. You have to live in what is basically a shed without a roof. its to demonstrate your trust in God . Ours is a 3 walled chip board creation by Hubby which sits on the back of our house like a cheap conservatory!!!!! We dont live in a Jewish area and the first year we put it up the neighbours were intrigued. One of them wasnt to sure if I was being serious or not when I said it was our new conservatory and was up to stay!!! You're supposed to live in the Succah for 8 days. but we just eat our meals there although Hubby and the kids did sleep out in it one night. it dpepns upon the weather. So this week will be yet more eating asnd More food as we do the equivalent of Xmas day and boxing day again!!!! No wonder I'm not loosing any weight!!!

Josh's High school career has got off to a flying start and he's not surprised us by getting 5 detention points!!! he only needs 1 more to get a detention. he's been in school 3 weeks!!!! mind you they give them out for breathing in class!!!! he got one for Farting in class!!!! I couldnt get cross infact I burst out laughing!!! he wore this detention point like a badge of honour!!!!

Jewish New Year

We've just celebrated Rosh Hashannah, the Jewish New Year and what a hectic time its been again. Our New Year is not like the British get pissed and throw up on the pavement type of new Year. it is a time for reflection and asking God for forgivness for all your sins during the year. Mine make a very long list!!! particularly when it comes to breaking Jewish laws!!!!Complicated. I managed to get to the Synagogue one day as the kids pushed me in the wheel chair. That was an unpleasant experience, being pushed up and down streets. There were some steep hills that I had to get out and walk coz the kids couldnt push me!!! the pavements are uneven. What a nightmare. We ate 5 family big dinners in all and then it was straight into the Sabbath Friday night, but luckily We were invited out for dinner Friday night.I'm bursting with chicken soup and chicken dinners!!!!
In years gone by I used to feed the 5,000. having guests for every meal, but those days are gone and just my parents came for lunch Friday.
This weekend sees the fast Yom Kippur, a very solemn day for repenting. I cant fast because of all the meds I take. I would get very severe with drawal if I didnt take them for 24 hours. I wont be going to the Synagogue either as I'm not allowed to be pushed in the wheelchair. Complicated jewish laws!!!!!

Sam has just in the last 15 mins left for Uni-Boo, Hoo,!! I dont feel tearful! Theres a revelation. I couldnt go with as theres no room in the car but he's home Friday anyway for Yom Kippur so I'm going back with him next Sunday to see his accomodation and the Uni etc. I think he's releived that I didnt go with incase I cried and showed him up!!LOL

Fibromyalgia
I cant find the colour changer ! its dissapeared. anyway I am having a very serious set back. I knew I would. I've really overdone things big style. I am totally wiped out. that is why I've not managed to blog for so long. I am in terrible pain and my legs wont take my weight . I can hardly walk. I've been in bed alot sleeping feeling very tearful and overwhelemd and vulnerable. i've been upset about a few things. One was the fact that whilst Michelle was over from Canada we never all got together to eat like indays of old. In the past when she came home we all ate at mum and dads or my house. This time my parents didnt eat with us once and Mich and the kids ate there a few times and I was releived to have breathing space. The fact that I havnt been able to entertain over the Jewish holidays and walk to the synagogue has upset me. its at times like these that I realise just how drastically my life has changed from this disability. And people still beleive its a made up illness, all in your head!!!! I'd like them to live in my body for 24 hrs and see how 'made up' it is!!!
Apparently its been national Fibro awareness week? Afraid its passed me by in a fug of pain and exhaustion.
I live from hour to hour from when its time for my pain releif to the next time. I wake up in the morning feeling like I've done 10 rounds with Mohammed Ali and it gets me down.

Knitting
One of my few joys in life. There hasnt been too much lately. My left arm has been very weak and aching so I've had to knit in fits and starts. I'm working on the front of my V neck top and also Talias lace blankie . I'm trying out the heart pattern which seems to be going better than the crest of the waves pattern!!! I'll try and photo some piccies and put them up.
I still cant work out how to uypload buttons to my blog!! Grrrr.

GLing
Ho Hum. I've given up with all the celebrations lately. i keep trying but failing miserably. I dont know quite what to do at the minute. I'm not in the right frame of mind to tackle my weight seriously but I dont want to get any fatter.

Cats
Naughty Cinders tried to piddle in my hat box yesterday!!!! I left the huge hat box out with the hat and tissue paper in it on my bedroom floor. Cinders went in it, started to rip up the tissue paper and Josh caught her trying to squat in the hat box!! she got ejected rather quickly.

Family Musings

Josh started High school on Monday. He seems to be very excited and happy at present with it all. he's plaguing big sis by following her around! I think the novelty of having a big sister in year 11 will wear off pretty soon. he gets the school bus home and crosses the main road by himself. very grown up. So far he's done his homework ewnthusiastically! We shall see how long that lasts!
As said Rachel strated year 11. How time flies. she's settled in very quickly. probably because its just an extention of last year.
We'er busy sorting out pots pans and bedding etc for Sams move to uni on 16 th, sniff wail!!! My big boy. There'll be a family trip up to Leeds on that Sunday to settle him in his halls and see him off. he doesnt want me to go incase I cry and hug him infront of his flatmates!!!! As If ....

FM
I am still totally knackered and in pain. The only good thing is that I'm sleeping longer at night so I dont need pain releif in the night so that I have an extra dose for daytime if that makes sense. I know what I mean!!
CATS
The other day I actually managed to walk to the corner shop and back-TA, DA!!! Sox followed me a good part of the way, incase my legs buckled and I needed him to prop me up LOL!!! he sat waiting for me and meowed at me as I was coming down the street. he then , silly boy, rolled over in the road for a tummy tickle! and followed me home. Its so long since I've made it the 60 or so yards to the corner shop, it really was as though he was following me to see if I was allright!

Knitting
Not too much happening. I'm still knitting 'blankie mark 2 for my neice . I'm using it to practise my lace patterns and not correcting the mistakes so it looks..er..interesting to say the least!!
I really want to do some socks but I MUST finish all these UFO's first.

Phew! A Hectic 2 weeks!

I feel like I've been run over by a bus! What a hectic time its been. Firstly hosting the extra visitors. A mixed view here. I loved seeing my sister, neice and nephew, but I'm not used to the noise of little ones any more and I'm sensitive to noise these days with the FM. A great combination!!! Plus I hadnt figured on the rest of my family being so un generous! I was brought up in an open house, anyone could be fed , watered or housed at a minutes notice so I carried this on until I became ill 4 years ago. Then we became very insular. I couldnt stand noise, I couldnt cope with the extra cooking and I didnt have the energy to make conversation with people. The kids are more used to this than the old me feeding the 5, 000! Rachel gave me constant earache because the visitors were in her room. She was kicked out for 2 weeks. She keeps her room spotless and very tidy, unusual for a 15 year old! and she couldnt stand the mess of 3 extra people. But the worst was Josh! he was an embarrasment. He took exception to Zak who is 9, a lovely sweet kid but a bit goofy and prone to doing daft things. partly it was jealousy with Josh. he's the youngest, he hasnt had to share his grandparents for years . We unfortunately dont see alot of Hubby's brother and family,(Not for want of trying on our part-we gave up) so he's not used to cousins being around. As I said we've been very insular for years. But it came out of him eventually that he didnt like his cousin because he thought all the extra work was making me ill, (which was true, but I was trying and often failing to hide it). so he took exception to their presence. He's like a lioness around her cubs where I'm concerned and deeply protective. It wasnt too bad when we were in St. Annes , but once we got home he was murder and actually reduced me to tears twice because of his selfishness. he refused to share any toys, the computer etc. so life when we were in the house was one long battle of shouting, arguing and me sending him to his room. The rest of the time he chewed my ear off about my guests-'the'yre using it just like their own home'_ moan, moan. That is the idea, I replied.

On to the positive stuff. 4 days in a lovely hotel by the sea. 3 parties for mum and dads golden wedding and one for Sams 18th, though that was combined with one of mum and dads so there were still 3 parties!Phew! food and more food.

Fibromyalgia
I'm totally exhausted. my back is in agony. I've really suffered these last 2 weeks. Partly it was a concious decision. I knew it was going to be a hectic time and that I would over do it and suffer later. some times you have to make these decisions. The bit that upset me and everyone else was using a wheelchair to get around outside. it was fab in the sense that I could actually participate in outdoor social activities, but it was heartbreaking all the same. I was mixed in St Annes. I was very tired and stiff and in pain as the bed was like a brick, plus there was a different routine. I managed a few hours on the beach. One day I couldnt move I was so bad. that was the day the rest of the gang went to Blackpool Pleasure beach. In a way I was glad to be leftin peace and quiet. The kids brought me some breakfast to the room. I slept. Then I managed to hobble to the cafe in the hotewl for a sandwich for lunch and even made it across the road to the gardens on the front where I sat next to an elderly lady , did my knitting and nattered to her for a while. The 2 celebrations for Mum and Dad were hectic especially the one we had at our house which was also sams 18th party, but a friend made the fingers, we bought the deserts , so I supervised the setting up of everything. I did suffer in the week and Michelle and her 2 went out one day and left us and the next day she took her kids and Josh to the science museum. I couldnt have even sat in the wheelchair to be pushed round I was so knackered. Fri I really pushed myself as it was the last day and went for a pizza and bowling. I even managed 4 rounds of bowling before my body gave out! That was a business. when it was my turn I hobbled onto the bowling are with my stick, Josh carried the bowling ball and we swapped at the edge of the lane!! Then I handed over the rest of my games to the kids! I won !!! Amazing what you can acheive by not doing very much!!!LOL. My back is total agony dunno what I've done.

GL diet
Oh dear, am I still doing this? Oppps! I started out very well, being careful at the hotel, no deserts etc but it went down hill with each meal and each party we had so I think I'd better restart!!!

knitting
Not alot of activity I'm afaraid. I finished the back of the vest top and cast on the front. I managed to tink the lace that I did wrong but havnt tried again. my neice who is 6 has a beloved 'Blankie' which is worse for wear . it is pink and white and did have a lace pattern to it . Now it looks rather holey and tatered. I'm going to knit it a background so my sis can sew the tattered remains to it. I thought I'd try out my lace pattern on it and use it as a trial run so I dont keep needing to tink my shawl.

Oh dear

Lace Shawl and a visit from Canada

KNITTING

Just a quicky today to show my lace shawl. its the one from Knit Today June issue. I've done lace on jumpers etc but never a lace shawl. I'm absolutely hooked and love it. I've put all my other stuff aside and keep telling everyone to shush when I'm concentrating! I talk when I'm on a pearl row!!!

I meant to say yesterday was as well as knitting hell, knitting heaven. Why the dicotomy? Three knitting mags arrived together!! Knit Today, Simply Knitting and best of all Interweave knits. I can t put links up. I havnt sussed it out, but all you kniters know about them anyway!!!

Canadian Visit

I'm so excited. my little sis arrives tommorrow from Kingston Ontario with my neice and nephew. Sadly her husband isnt well enough to travel. I havnt see my nephew for 6 years and my neice for 3 years. i cant wait!!! sis came over on her own last Nov to visit Mum who was having Chemo again and we had a great sisterly time, despite mum. This time she's over for much micer things, Mum and Dad golden wedding!! We are so grateful, we wernt sure this time last year, when we heard of Mums cancer returning that there would be a golden Wedding. Our house is going to be over run! and in the midst of having all these visitors Sams Girlfriend is staying, Plus Rachels friend is homeless for one night and needs a bed!!!! it'll be sleeping bags In the bath!!!!

hope my FM doesnt flare up.

On Monday we're having 4 days by the sea in St.Annes next door to Blackpool to show Zak and Talia(Neice and nephew) a real English sea-side. Blackpool, Yuk!!! dorty and common but the kids love it!!!I find it really tawdry these days. I'll sit on the front in St Annes with the old dears and knit!!!! weather permiting!!! I had to laugh Michelle my sister sent me an e-mail asking did she have to change for dinner at the hotel or could she go in off the beach in her shorts and tea shirt!!! Shorts and tea shirt!? I've got the heating on!!!LOL

Proud Mum

we're possitively Kvelling (yiddish for swelling with pride and crowing)in our household. We're so proud, Sam got his A level results yesterday- 3A's and 1B!!! he's got his place at Leeds Uni to study Electronic engineering with computer engineering. Cant beleive where the last 18 years have gone and now my big boy is going and leaving his mamma!!!! We celebrated by having his faveGrilled steak last night. we did want to open a bottle of bubbly but N was going to Tesco so we'll have it tonight.

Cinders had a bird in the garden yesterday. As it was already dead I just closed the catflap to make sure she didnt bring it in and left her to it!!! I just had to go and shovel left over bird body into the bin later so that the boys could play outside!!!

Josh had a Tuna jacket spud for lunch so Sox was on his usual tuna patrole . he managed to jump up and finish the left overs from the bowl when my back was turned!!!

FM

physically The burning has kicked in again. its very odd as it feels like I want to stretch all the time, like my muscles are itchy somehow. Most annoying.
I got very upset by Josh last night.I knew it was only a matter of time before he let rip, but its still not nice. he was tired and grumpy because he'd fallen out with his pal down the street again. they're like an old married couple! He was driving me mad. I said to him go and play on your own for a while. Sam could amuse himself for hours. Josh needs 24 hr entertainig. he fired off at me- 'well what am I supposed to do, you're lazy and just sit there . you do nothing with me.......etc' I went mad at him. How dare he accuse me of being lazy!! does he think I enjoy being in pain and immobile. he got sent to his room for the night and when he did appear I was very short with him. it really cuts me like a knife. I know I cant do what I'd like with the kids. he doesnt have to rub it in.

Knitting

Everything seems to be going wrong. I was doing my lace shawl nicely and then messed up. I got into even more of a mess trying to undoe it. Of course I have no lifeline. Big mistake. I'm going to try and tink as far as the 4 row garter stitch and see if I can pick up from there.

my camisole doesnt suit me. Its modelled, of course on a skinny size 0 model. well I may have a zero in my size , but its after the 2!!! I look an absolute bugger in it. so I'm going to take off the bra top and pick up and knit a vest top instead. I'll need to order some more yarn. Hee, hee!!!! I can feel a shop coming up!!!
The back of the lace cardi is wrong. After I'd finished it I thought the sleeve section dint look right. I realise dthat the pattern said knit until the top measures 22" then cast off. I knitted an extra 2 " on the lenght before the arm shapping and forgot to add it into the final lenght of the top!!!! so that will have to be undone . its a lace pattern again so I'll have to try and pick that up. GGGRRRRR!!!

Sox and Cinders

SOX

CINDERS

How can I have been so remiss as to not mention my 'babies' Sox and Cinders. They're 4 years old now. we got them as rescue cats when they were approx 8 months old. Sox is the male, black and white, with white feet ,hence the name! Cinders is pure black. Cinders is a lady. she is shy and hides most of the day. She seems to know when I feel rough as she will come on the bed and sit on my painful legs and nudge me and lick me. Sox is a grredy cat! he drives me mad to feed him all day and can be miles away but If I go into the kitchen he comes flying through the cat flap!!! I cant leave any food around as Sox pinches it. he's been known to sit on a burning hob to get at a pan of bologneses sauce!!! he's shuddered eating a hot curry rather than give in and leave the chicken! We cant turn our backs for one minute, he pinches chicken legs off your plate and growls under the table if we try and taske it away!!!! They love us so much we get live mice , half eaten mice, birds, bits of birds and a hall of feathers and blood!!! I wouldnt be without the cats.

FM

On the fibromyalgia front I'm in alot of pain and burning lately. its waking me up at night again. I'm getting very fed up of waking up every morning in pain. I dont think this is anything to do with the Statins. its just a flare. What has upset me is that I picked up a wheelchair from my cousin on Saturday so that I can get out and about for long trips. A strange thing happened on Sunday night. I have been priding myself on how well adjusted I am to the FM and how I've adapted to the drastic change in lifestyle. I'm not in the least sporty and have always disliked climbing, long walks etc, anything too strenuous so here I was watching Gryss Rhys Jones programme on mountains and watching him huffing and puffing up Ben Nevis . I started thinking,'i cant do that any more' i started feeling very down and very sad for the life i lost and the one I have now. it surprised me a bit. I found myself doing it also watching Coast. Odd how the way ones mind works.

On the knitting front, I've finished knitting the cami. it just has to be sewn togehter. I ripped up the Lace shawl. Rowan Kid Silk Haze is murder to knit with. I've abandoned it and got an ordinary wool laceweight out to do the shawl!

W.I.P's

KNITTING

It seems a while since my last post, but I've finally managed to photograph my current W.I.P's and new stuff which arrived 3 weeks ago!!! Shows how long its taken me to get round to it!!

I'm on the left boob of my camisole ! nearly finished. I'm beginnig to wonder if pure cotton will lie right. the pattern I think calls for a cotton with lycra or something in it!!. The lace cardi is coming on slowly. I dont like knitting with the yarn, Noro Ganpi Abaka Surabu. When I read about it it sounded really intruiging , mad from paper, so when I saw it in a Get Knitted sale I had to have some. its got a hard texture. I originally started to knit the cami in it but it would've been to hard on the skin. I managed to get into my local town centre last week and found a brown cotton skirt with green flowers in of all places Bon Marche. (i'm showing my age if I find things in there!!!). The skirt matches perfectly , so I'm trying to finish the two tops in 2 weeks time for my parents golden wedding anniversary, not alot of chance of that happening I dont think!!!

I also wanted to do somemore lace so i started the shawl from last months Knit Today. I had 4 balls of KSH in my stash, the pattern calss for 5, but as its a shawl sewn in 2 halfs, when I get to the end of my second ball I'll know how far up to knit the second half!!!! I'm not sure that the lace pattern is correct yet, I cant tell!!!!

The blue is my mindless knitting, a vest top from Sirdar knitted In Sorrento from Knitwells sale (£9.00) the lot!!!! I'm making my londer and not sewing up the rib so it'll be like a tunic.

my last stash enhancement parcel. Noro silk garden for a Clapotis and 2 balls of merino Laceweight from Yarn treehouse on E-bay -I havnt sussed out how to make links yet!!!

3 W.I.Ps, 2 are from Beads Buttons and Lace

YAY!!!! I managed to move the photographs !!!!! I'm getting better at this computer lark!!!

FM;

On the FM front Ive not been too bad. I'm in 24 hour pain, but I think prt of you get used to it. I tend not to notice it too much as my pain releif works fairly well. I had this conversation with J, a friend I made over the FM website forum. (see very first post, i must put up a link). We met for lunch and we both agreed that if you spend so long being in chronic pain you tend to learn to live with it and not notice it too much.
My back keeps going into spasm which is hacking me off as \i walk or stand for so long then whamo I seize up, am in dreadful pain and have to sit down to ease it.

I've asked for a wheel chair from the NHS so at least i will be able to go on days out with the family or Josh can push me round to the fields so he can play football. That'll keep him happy.

Wher the pain does drive me mad is in the middle of the night. Despite the water bed if I lie on wither side my shoulders hurt, then my elbows , then my hips, so I end up sleeping on my back. But I snore if I sleep on my back!!!-old git!!! I'd like a nights sleep where the pain doesnt intrude on my night.

General musings

What are we going to do with Josh? An over sexed 11 year old!!! by accident I pressed the computer history to find some rather 'interesting' sites listed!!! Manga cartoons , only porn cartoons!!!! Yup, our son had been browsing!!! Since when we have added a better parent filter!!! I get cross with him as he takes advantage when I'm not so good. I needed a sleep so he thought 'great. I wont get caught'!!! he's been told time and time again not to play football, cricket, anything involving a ball in out tiny garden or on the road. it upsets the neighbours. Does he pay aNY ATTENTION? nO. EVERYDAY ITS THE SAME THING. MY NEIGHBOURS KNOW NOW THAT HE IS BANNED SO IF HE HITS A BALL NEAR their car or window they just confiscate it off him. he wont learn .

The other 2 are lovely. Sams been paid his first wage and has bought a new all singing all dancing computer. it arrived today, so we know what he'll be doing tonight!!

His girlfriend leaves for Israel in 2 weeks so he's going to be like a bear with a sore head

Rachel, as ever is lovely, chatty, helpful and so very mature for her age. we discuss alsorts its lovely.

Childhood musings

I was posting on my GL forum,http://www.dietfreedom.co.uk/ about books I loved as a child. it brought back all sorts of memories.
I lived and breathed The Famous five and truly beleived I too could have an adventure like they did!!! I was very put out that nothing happened in middle class suburbia!!LOL.
I also loved E. Nesbits five children and it and tThe Psamead. I still like reading victorian and edwardian novels for some reason. of course I enjoyed The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe too. But couldnt get into the others. I was too old for Roald Dahl!!


In my teens I stopped reading until we did To Kill a Mockingbird for 'o'level. its still one of my favourites today.

FM front

I've not been to bad the last few days. perhaps its dying down again. I went to the GP's today and got some slow release Tramadol in the hope that they may even out my pain releif. its too choppy at the moment and I have too long periods with no pain releif available. I also asked about getting a wheel chair. its not pleasant , but it will hlep us to go on days out . At present as I cant walk to far even a walk in the park with the kids is out.

KNITTING

I havnt photographed anything today, but I've opted for some brain dead or 'mindless' knitting. A plain vest top that I'm making longer. Just Kand P , no complicated instructions.

My brain is suffering from the fibro fog and so i cant be bothered challenging a complicated pattern. I'll change my mind in a few days no doubt.I have spent far to long on the Angel Yarns website Forum today. its so adictive and then people put up their blog addresses and I divert from what I was doing, then go to another link, then another etc!!!! Such fun, but detracts from the actual knitting.

GLing

its going well, B- fruit and fibre cereal,
L- out was a turkey subway
D- mushroom and artichoke Barleyoto. This is like a rissotto but using using barley instead of rice.

The Black Dog

This picture is in the wrong place !!! I havnt a clue how to edit this blog!!! This is MY LACE STASH!! mostly undyed waiting for me to play!

This picture has come out in the wrong place! but at least I managed to get it uploaded!!! Its my SOCK STASH

The Black Dog;

yes like 'Winnie' i to have suffered from depression. at its worst its a place I never want to visit again. Even with the most understanding family and wonderful supportive husband its a horrid, dark, lonely place.

I liken it to being at the bottom of a dark, deep well where you cant see the light at the top. Yuo're totally isolated and people around you are reaching out to you , but hitting the brick wall of the well.

recovery is like someone dropping a bucket down the well and you sit in it. You're pulled up a fraction , you still cant see the top of the well and the light. You slip back down again, but not as far. This is the pattern for recovery, a few feet up the well in the bucket, a slip down, but noot back to where you were. Slowly you are heaved up the side of the well until one day you can see the light , a tiny speck to start with, but it gets lighter very slowly. One day you find yourself at the top of the well, out in the fresh air. well! its easy to slip back at times, but I never, ever want to be back in the dark at the bottom again.

FM

On the fibro front, i managed to get out yesterday which pleased me no end. We went to the Trafford centre shopping. I hired a scooter for the first time. it helped me enormously. otherwise I couldnt have walked. But you become invisible on a scooter. people barge into you and push past, and getting down isles is a squeeze. Still I changed my tops in Evans so I was happy.

I've been in terrible pain, although so far today its not as bad and my spirits are up a bit.

GL_

I think I have to accept that the weight isnt going to come off. In fact I have put 3 lb on in one week just by upping my Pre-gabilin. its damage limitation at the moment.

Diary today;

B- tofu/sunflower smoothie

L- 1/2 tub soup with melted cheese in it

D- dunno yet? tinned salmon and salad.

Knitting.

I've managed to upload some photos, but they're in the wrong place!!!.

I'm carrying on with my current project, I'll try and photograph it. The camisole from Beads , Buttons and Lace. I'm up to the 'boob' bit, a bra type top and as I am not little in that area this should be interesting!!!

Arnt kids funny?

Josh, our youngest , who's 11, did really well on his SATS and got 3 level5's which is abouve average and surprised us all. (teachers included I think!!). he wanted a present for doing so well and apart from a cheap computer game chose Aftershave!!!LOL at his age. Hubby had to take him to Superdrug where he tried every spray imaginable, much to the amusement of the shop assistant, and came home with some Calvin Klein something or other!!!! I found this hilarious. he's after attracting the girls at his age. it took us until Sam was 14/15 to persuade him to wear anti- perspirant, dirty bugger! We used to fight tooth and nail to get him in the shower everyday. its only in the last 12 months and since he discovered the opposite sex thats he's started showering daily. YUk!!!!

FM Front.

Things have been a bit rough the last few days. After doing the gardening for 10 whole minutes monday, I was set solid and in pain Tuesday and I had a mild headache at the front. yesterday I woke up with a migraine. it was quite a bad one and I spent the day in bed till 4pm. I was fuming coz the sun was out and I missed it. I managed, very drugged up, to pop my head out of doors for 2 mins last night. days like that infuriate me . its a lost day.
Today I wanted to go out. I've got cabin fever. but I'm not confident enough to go out on my own at the mo. I cant drive so it'd be a taxi, or was I able to walk to the bus, and what if my legs gave way?? all these questions. it got me down. I wanted to go to Evans to change some tops. but its too far to walk on my own. So I'll have to wait till the weekend then Hubby can drive me around.
its just so frustrating and its days like these when the FM gets me down.
its typical that I've been discharged from psychology and immediately hit a bad patch, but I have to learn to cope on my own and some days are going to be rough.
I started to go for a walk and noticed my nextdoor neighbours car door open with her bag on the floor, so I shouted over the back gate. She was in the garden with a friend and young toddlers. She invited me in. I was so grateful for a chat I didnt even mind the kids. mind you they were very good and not shreiking.
Theres another thing. mine have grown out of that phase and i should be more understanding. They made one hell of a noise themselves, But I'm sensitive to noise and in pain, it lowers your tollerance. I've been there and done that and dont particularly want it now!!! I'll make a great grandma!!!

GLing

i'm struugling. I think I've put weight on. this is because my Pre-gabilin for pain has been upped by 50mg at night!!! hardly anything. But it interferes so much with your metabolism that i only have to look at a biscuit and I put a 1lb on!!

Todays food diary;
B- bowl crunchy nut cornflakes at 4.30am for pain releif;
Tofu, sunflower smoothie at 10.30am to take other tabs.

L- 1/2 bowl tesco mediteranean soup with cheese on top.
apple

D- I'm not sure. I've taken some bolognese out that was in the freezer for the family, but I'm finding mince meat too hard to digest at night. I may have another tuna steak.

Knitting

I've frogged Kia-Kia-Boo, hoo!!!The boarder said to undo the knitted middle so it was lace looking. But I've gone wrong somewhere on the boarder and the whole boader undid!!!! So its frogged and put away for another day. i'll see if I can upload pictures


I cant figure out how to upload photos, but i will

http://www.berroco.com/exclusives/kia/kia.html

here is the Kia kia pattern. its lovely but very tedious to knit.

my backs hurting now so I'm off.

My first entry

Hi,
I'm Cinders, and I love to knit, Im a Yarnaholic. I also suffer from Fibromyalgia, a very painful, disabilitating illness which has altered my life drastically, and seeing as though I'm 3 stone over weight I'm trying, LOL, to loose it following the GL diet

see linkshttp://www.fibromyalgia-associationuk.org/

http://www.dietfreedom.co.uk/


I decided to create a blog to write down my daily thoughts and feelings., chart my progresss, or distinct lack of , in the weight loss department , and cheer myself up with all my knitting acheivements. I can be my very own Bridgit Jones, except I've already found my mr Darcy! 20 years ago to be precise!!

Fibro
Today I was supposed to go to art class. i over slept and missed it. but I'm in alot of pain today, my legs in particular are driving me mad. I'm creeking avout the house like a 90 year old!Mind you I did try and do 10 mins gardening yesterday!! well I'm sick of the garden. with the weather hubby hasnt beena ble to do it and the weeds are having a party!!! Soon we'll have to machete our way into the front door!!!


Pain levels 9 out 0f 10!
mobility 2 out 0f 10

Mood- average, mind you the weather doeant help!


GLing
Hmmm, I'm not doing too well here! I've struggled the last 2 days to say the least!

Today,
Breakfast- tofu sunflower smoothie, made with 1/4 pack tofu, 1 apple, handfull sunflower seeds, squirt of Agave syrup and soya milk, oh not forgetting, heaped t- spoon of Cocoa!!

Lunch- havnt decided yet, probably soup.

Dinner- sweet and sour chicken-homemade. I cant cook too well these days. I used to love cooking , but the depression and Fibromyalgia (FM) put paid to all that.
Hubby cooks and enjoys it although the S&S sour chicken is some breasts chopped up with a jar of Sharwoods sauce chucked over it! some pineapple added. still its tasty.

Kniting

The sock yarn I dyed on Sunday usinig my first ever go at acid dyes. is dry and ready to be wound into a ball.
My KiaKIa jacket from Berrocco is coming along slowly. its very tedious to knit, having knitted 800 rows of boarder and picked up 400 stitches I'm now doing an 18 row repeat lace pattern. i'm on row 7. my camisole and jacket from Beads Buttons and Lace is on hold . But I do , in times of brain foogyness, which happen often FM again!, Pick up the cami as its plain stocking st.
I've just won some lace weight yarn on E-bay, Pure wool, 1700yards for $5 thats £2.50. With P&P from the States its coming too £5.60!!! I cant buy undyed pure lace weight wool for much less than that here!!!! Batgain. mind you I'm going to have to hide it from Hubby. I'm not supposed to be buying any yarn!!!OOPS! must take some photos and upload them.