A weekend Away and my new camera

It was our 29th wedding anniversary on 25th October. crickey! Where have 20 years gone? I remeber when we got married saying to Norman 'i wonder what our lives will be like in 10 years. Will we have kids, be in the same house etc?' Well 20 years on we've 3 lovely kids and we're still in the same house, although much extended to accomodate a growing family! I do get maudling and negative at times though and look at how my own helath has deteriorated and what I've put Norman through in those 20 years, especially the last 4!! it always amazes me that he's still here, although he'll go mad if he reads this! but I've seen so many marriages not survive because of mental illness that I'm very grateful that ours has survived. He's still my best friend and soulmate.

He bought me a camera of my own for our anniversary and I bought him a gift voucher for claypigeon shooting and quad biking

Last weekend my parents treated us to a weekend away. We didnt go far. To a DeVere hotel just outside Chester. It was lovely. Posh food, gorgeous surroundings. If you play golf, and we dont, it had the most amazing, huge golf course. we explored the countryside in Cheshire and Wales. I took my scooter (alias Aston Martin!!!) and whizzed up and down the streets of Ruthin. Now norman has always hated the idea of a scooter, but even he admitted that it was much easier than pushing me up steep hills in a wheelchair!!! So I think I've finally won him over!
We ate too much and generally chilled.
Now we're back home! We came back to earth with a crash as Josh had missbehaved for a change and thrown a tantrum at his grandparents and swore at them! he is really wearing us both down at the minute. he's whinging and whining for a new mobile phone. Admitedly his is at the end of its life, but the tantrums and the constant broken record whining. I told him this morning after yet another bout , that he's ruined his chances because of his behaviour. he always doesa this too us, esp me as he knows I break easily. if he wants something he goes on and on and on. he's like a rotweiler with his teeth into something. he eventually wears me down and gets what he's after. But this ttime I've had enough and am digging my heels in!!Pre- teens, whoever invented them. send him down the mines I say!!!


Knitting

well I've given poor lone sock a mate. They are blissfully happy if rather miss matched!!





This is an old Opal colour. Well 12 months and not made any more, but you can still find it on E-bay.

Sock pair number 2 are OTN as we speak. well one is!! They were supposed to be form my next door neighbours 40th on Saturday but as its the first time I've attempted a lace pattern on a sock they are taking me rather longer than I thought. I can knit a plain sock in 5 days. ( I dont knit very quickly).





The yarn is home dyed using Kool Aid- they smell of strawberries! ( and vinegar-but we'll try and ignore that bit!!!) The pattern is from a Patons booklet from America.

I dyed somemore yarn last week. I tried dying silk. Gawd it stunk once wet!!!! it was like the reptile centre at the zoo!!! The silk didnt take the black too well so the skein looks denim. it needs over dying again if I can stand the smell again!

this skein below is one of my favourites yet. As they say practise makes perfect so the more i mess and experiment the better it gets. Dont think I'm ready for an Etsy shop yet though!!



On the FM front;
I'm suffering for my days away! I've missed art class today as I'm too stiff and in too much pain to go. I had a lie in , a very long hot soak, and came on here. I realise dwhen we were away just how much our water bed at home helps. On holiday I woke up so stiff i couldnt get dressed i couldnt reach my feet to get my knick on or my socks and I couldnt manage my bra. I needed help dressing! I've managed today, just about! Something else going down the pan. each time I need help it takes a bit of my independence away. I can understand now why old folks get stuborn about leaving their home to go into a nursing home. its the errosion of independence. I'm rying to maintain as much of my independence as my body will allow...
I'd love some new legs though! I did order long sexy barbie type ones but they've not arrived. must be the postal stikes!

Socktober! Squishy yumminess and alot of noise!

Knitting
important things first!!! I've finally caught up with Socktober! I've fished out 1 poor lonely sock and decided to give it a mate!

These are 'Fancy Feet' from Knit Today, Oct 06

next a parcel arrived Sat Morning from Violet Greenhttp://violetgreen.co.uk/- (way I think a link may finally have worked!!!)

They are Supersock in colourway Jim and Merino 4-ply in Admiral. Cheered me up immensly. I used my birthday money, although this birthday money does seem to have been spent 4 times over!!!! I had what in yiddish is called a good 'kvetch' or feel translated. MMMM tactile therapy cant beat it!!!!

I've finished Forest Canopy- Hurray! Something actually finished!!Its blocking on my mat on the dining room table. Cinders keeps sleeping on it!!! She seems to love clean washing of any sort but its damp and I keep telling her she'll get a wet botty, but will she take any notice!!!!LOL!

FM

I feel much better and more cheerful today. I think I've finally won Hubby over to me buying a scooter! This happened on Saturday. I went to the local disabled shop to collect some wheelchair gloves I'd ordered. I asked him about scooters and he showed me a second hand one, hardly used, collapsible, perfect for getting out and about. I went back to the car and tried talking to OH but he wasnt having any of it. I ended up in tears frustrated, depressed. I told him to read my blog and see how down I was about being totally reliant on him to go out. I think it has worked as we went back to the shop to try the scooter out . I can have it on the proviso that a taxi will take it and help lift it in and out. I've checked today and they will, also I can use it on the metro. So More freedom for me. I've also been totally frustrated as if I run out of cahs I cant get any and have to wait for Norman to come home from work and go to the cash machine. A few weeks ago the kids raided my purse for dinner money and left me with 20p!!! So if it hadnt of been for the Taxi vouchers I would have been totally house bound that dya. At least if I have the scooter I can tootle to the cash machine. heres hoping

On the pain front things died down last week. But I was home with Josh and his stomach bug! I reduced my pain releif, last night I only took one tablet to help me sleep instead of 2. So I hardly slept am in alot of pain today!!! I've managed to bake a cake, but its totally wiped me out!! I havnt cleared up yet.

General

This is the noise bit! Josh has finally got his drum kit!!! ear plugs at the ready!! its in the garage. The house reverberated all weekend as he did his best Keith Moon impressions!! he had his i-Pod on and bashed away. Crikey its loud.

Now here is a good recipe for disaster!;

take one boy, one drum kit and mix with one mother suffering from FM and noise sensitivity!!!! Yeah great!!! good job I have ear plugs. he can only play up till 7pm cos of the neighbours and at weekends not till after 11am or later if I'm not up. Our bedroom is directly over the garage so I dont need vibrating out of bed!

Happy news. Sam is coming home this weekend. I'm really excited. I chat to him on MSN most nights, but its not the same. I'll have to try and not do my suffocating Jewish mother bit!!'Chuckily, your home. have some chicken soup, you look pale, you're not eating enough! etc, etc-my best Maureen Lipman doing beattie on the telephone ads! of course Sam has an 'ology'!!!

A Visit from Social services and some new books.

The social worker responsible for carers came yesterday. She came to chat to hubby about what they can do to help. We're getting vouchers that we can use for personal care for me, stair and bath rails and Josh is being refered to the young carers so that he can get out on school holidays

I feel very down about it all today. I mean I'm grateful for any help, but accepting it a my age is very hard.

I wish I could just jump on a bus, go to town, have some enjoyable retail therapy and come home! ha, ha!! Not a chance. I'm hoping my walking may improve enough to walk a bit further then I wont be so reliant on people.

Knitting

Ive sorted out with mum to take the seams in on the sewing machine on the huge vest top,

so at least I'll be able to wear the top!!

I bought a couple of books with my birthday money, Twisted sisters sweater book, twisted sisters sock book and a book on lace shawls. I love the sock book. its got some new methods of dying that I havnt tried yet.

Forest Canopy is well on the way to being finished. I'm hoping to get it finished today so I can block it

On the dietary front Rachelmade me a lovely meal last night, pan fried salmon, potato rosti, which I didnt eat, and loads of sitr fry veg. she's going to cook with me at the weekend and leave me some meals for lunches next week. She's a lovely daughter.

Very Frustrated!!

I'm starting to feel very fed up. It stemed from last week when the kids were on half term. Rachels fine. She organises herself. But Josh is a different story. He doesnt seem to have any friends yet from school. By Friday he was climbing the walls, really fed up. His feet were hanging out of his trainers. he wanted me to take him to Bury to buy new trainers. I couldnt. I'd need the wheelchair to get around. he wanted to push it but I couldnt risk letting him push me round the shops on his own with no adult supervision. So we stayed in both fed up. I felt very upset .
On Saturday we did the required shopping. But I was totally reliant on Norman to push me round. its absolutely hatefull being in awheelchair. People kept barging into me as they werent looking where they were going. Norman and Josh were upstairs in one shop, I was sat outside as I couldnt get up the stairs. I could've been doing my own little bits while they were in there. But as I was stuck in that bleeding wheelchair I had to wait for them to come down. I really want a scooter but Hubby is really opposed to it for some reason. it'd give me a bit more autonomy. I know they're expensive, but I'm worried about becoming depressed again as I can feel my mood slipping.
my own Wheelchair arrived today which I'm obviously not too happy about. I mean I'm happy I got one free on the NHs, but its just the concept of it.

Knitting

I've sewn this vest up and arrrghhh! its too big. its absolutely huge! so now I dont know what I'm going to do with it. I'm wondering if it'll shrink ina hot washs or whether I can sew larger seams and cut out the extra . But it may unravel that way!
Nothing seems to be going right at the minute. every time I knit something for me its a disaster. Think I'll stick to socks and scarves!!

Diet

On the dietary front I'm not GLing any more. I just couldnt get my head around it at the minute. I'm too reliant on others to cook for me and cant be bothered cooking myself. I've just no motivation. I hate my size so I've asked hubby and Rachel to cook some helthy meals for me . Rachel mis very enthusiastic about it and is planning to make me some soups and casseroles. I've had my Gillian McKeith book out again. I find her very extreme but I'm going to use some of her principles and see if it gets any weight off. also I have to think about my cholesterol and shape. I'm apple shaped, my BMI is over 30 and I have High BP and high cholesterol and a family history of heart disease so If that doesnt make me shift nothing ever will. I dont want to drop dead from a heart attack in 15/20 years time. so its back to basics and fruit and veg.

another knitting mess!!!

Knitting

Aggghhh! I've done it again! I'm finishing off my v neck vest and I've managed to knit the neck band across the shoulder shaping. I didnt realise of course until I came to join on the left shoulder. I've tried sewing it over the ribbing but it looks lumpy . So it looks as though I'm going to have to undo the entire neck ribbing! boo.Hoo!!! 130 stitches!!!! who would think that a simple jumper could get in a tangle? I was about to feel very proud that I'd actually finished something and now its gone wrong. Cry! I can feel a sock coming on!! But I mustnt abandon the vest, I want to wear it.

FM
The nurse came on Monday to measure me up for a wheelchair. it may take up to 8 weeks to get it as theres a backlog, but at least the NHS is providing. Its still hard to accept that I need it, but otherwise I'd be virtually housebound.
I was only thinking how my life had changed this morning when I was relaxing in the hydrotherapy pool. The other day mum was talking about her close friend who is very ill. she lives very near to me. I know if I was well and driving I'd be round looking after her. In a way I dont mind being as I am. it takes away the guilt or need to run around after everyone else and neglect myself. which is what I was good at. Mum is unable to get across town to her hospital appt. I felt cross at first that I couldnt help, but now it doesnt bother me. Infact in my art class last week a man took ill. I let others look after him till the ambulance arrived. My nursing days are over. I was surprised at how I've changed . I mean I wont sit back and be looked after, I hate being incapable, but i cant do for others as I once did and I accept it.

The pain is just as bad as ever, I received a letter from the hopspital giving me an appt for a clinic. it doesnt say what clinic so I presume its the pain clinic I've been referred to!!!
I managed 8 baby lenghts today in the pool which is very good. On Monday when I went the warm baby pool was being used for kids polo so I went in the freezing cold adult pool. BIG mistake!!! My legs froze. I could hardly walk and I couldnt walk up the stairs. Norman had to push and haul me up!!!

Cats

Cinders has taken to trying to get my attention when I'm on the computer. she comes up and taps me, meows and eventualy gets up and walks all over the key board and stands in front of the screen. its as if she's trying to stop me going on!!!
She was at the side of the 'pooter before. I'm sure she was looking how to unplug it!!!!