General
Last week Sam rang us from Uni. Could dad come over and take him to Cosco to stock up on stuff for J-Soc!!! J-soc is short I think , for Jewish social . its the social organising branch Of the Union Of Jewish Students. Sam Is on the commitee in charge of making sure everyone who wants it gets a Sabbath meal and he organises the Saturday afternoon meal and other events!
See we are useful sometimes!! the weather was iffy last week so we agreed we'd only go over if the Pennines were clear of snow. The M62 is treacherous at the best of times over the top. It can be a heat wave everywhere but you get to the top of the Moors overSaddleworth and it can be foggy, snowing etc!
Sunday arrived. The weather was clear so hubby and I duly trudged over to Leeds to see eldest son. As I said at least e got to see him! After lots of wrangling over who on the committee was actually coming shopping, (committees!!!_too many cheifs..) we ferried him to Cosco. we sat in the cafe and had a mundane lunch(a jacket with tuna-the tuna was ,more mayonnaise than anything and tasted like cement).And let him do his shopping. We then had to take Sam and goods to The jewish students residents and unload. What an exciting day!At least I got my share of hugs and kisses from Sam to keep me going for a few weeks as he's not home till March.
last week was parents eve for Rachel. No probs there, sh'es doing really well.
As for junior monster...Hmmm!!! I was phoned by his form tutor last week to tell me he had detention , yet again this week! I had a good chat to her as we're concerned with buggerlugs behaviour. As his teacher said he's not a horror or saying nasty things or violent. He is silly and immature and just talks and messes around. We also spoke to his head of year at Rachels parents evening and she said the same. He also is hopeless at hiding his antics. He always gets caught. you can guarentee that if 4 boys are throwing erasers around the classroom, he'll be the one whos caught! he has that cheeky twinkle in his eye.
Lets hope he grows out of it soon.
Rachel has been in a foul mood this week and its not hormones. I think its the pressure of exams. She's scowled, bit our heads off and been very un-cooperative.. a normal teenager really!!!
Knitting
I've finished the other front of the jacket and have started a sleeve. Rachel has pinched my camera for her art G.C.S.E so I cant take any snaps.
FM
On the FM front things have really been looking up. I've been able to walk a bit further. I went to Town with Rachel on Satruday and we had lunch at Wagamamas. Yuk!! I wont bother again. We prefer Tampopo for noodles.
I managed to walk around the new bit of the Arndale shopping centre which is very nice and swish.
Mind you today I'm shattered as I couldnt sleep, had to be up for the cleaner, so I've had 4 hours sleep. Then I had to tidy the house a bit so she could clean. although I gave up on Josh's pigstye!!
DIET
this is driving me bonkers. here I am being good on my GL eating plan and I'm not loosing an inch or pound come to that!! Its these blasted meds I know, but its a bit disheartening. I look like I stuff my face all day with fried food, chips, choc etc, but I dont I eat very healthily. Its because I'm not so mobile I think. If I could exercise moe then the weight would move a bit. Sniff wail!! perhap I'm destined to be a fat lump!!
I'm taking part in some research for a dietician who wants to introduce GL eating to the NHS. he wont be pleased with my results then!! heee,HEE
Friday, 8 February 2008
Monday, 28 January 2008
knitting Pictures At Last!
KNITTING
On the knitting front I'm still plugging away at the stepping stones jacket. But finally here are some piccies
.
The left front and start of right front
The left front and start of right front
I read other peoples knitting blogs and they're so full of beautiful things and people knit so fast. still I'll plod along in my usual fashion !
I'm up to the boring bits in this design now. I have to fill in all the spaces in between the triangles. picking up stitches all along. its really tedious. But never mind. theres a few socks waiting at the end of it!!
FM
On the FM front things are alot better. I think these pain patches are finally working. Which reminds me I was supposed to change it at 11 am today and I've forgotten!!.
I've been out and about on my scooter which has really cheered me up and given me a sense of freedom. Friday I went to the library and delivering some cards. One of my friends invited me to stay for lunch which was nice. Today I've had a bit of a disaster with the scooter. O dont think it likes the cold weather plus hills. It kept stopping and the back wheels locking. so I kept having to turn off the ignition restart it and push!! Just near home it gave up the ghost and died on me!! I rang hubby to come from work and bail me out! But in the end I managed to get it going slowly and ended up pushing the dam thing home!!
I'm getting very bored at home which is a good sign and I feel very restless.
We went out for a meal yesterday for an indian. it was yummy. Saturday nights are getting me down as Rachel is always out so we've no sitter for Josh so hubby and I have decided to go out Sundays insted. next weekw e're hoping to just go for a drink. I've organised my mid week socialising so I'm going out for lunch most weeks but not twice in a week. I've spread them out so I have something to look forward to.
Thursday, 24 January 2008
Send in the Fire Brigade!!
FM
The gloom and threatening depression seems to have lifted thankfully. I'm feeling much brighter mentally. Physically is another matter! The pain patches are helping with the aching, but not the burning. I'm on fire. I dont know where to put myself at night so I've not been going to sleep till 3am ish. Send me a nice handsome fireman to put the fire out!!He, He!
funnily enough I'm feeling better because my neighbour who takes me to swimming has had an operation and cant go obviously. So I'm using a taxi. it gives me a sense of more independence. sounds silly but because I have to make the decision to go swimming myself and order the taxi I feel freer. I just hate relying on other people. Infact I've refused the care vouchers from Local authority as I want to be as independent as poss for as long as posible.
I was going to go out on my scooter this afternoon as the sun is out and do some errands, but last night the tumble dryer decided to suddenly make horrid grating noises so I've found an engineer to come this afternoon. bet he turns up at 5pm when its dark. Even though its freezing the sun is out and I'm itching to step outside. Ah well. The best laid plans as they say.
Knitting
The Stepping Stones jacket continues to grow. I've done 1 side of the front and started on the other side. I'll try and take piccies to make the blog more interesting.
I was going to pic up a sock and finish it and send them to my sis fro her birhtday, but I want to finish this jacket off. that 'll be a first for a long time. Sticking to one thing and finishing it. I usually have 4-5 on the go and alternate.
general
Theres not much to report. Josh is behaving -ish. Rachel has cooked alll the meals this week and done a beautiful job. I'm so grateful. Sam did say he was coming home this weekend, but change dhis mind.
a
short blog this week.
The gloom and threatening depression seems to have lifted thankfully. I'm feeling much brighter mentally. Physically is another matter! The pain patches are helping with the aching, but not the burning. I'm on fire. I dont know where to put myself at night so I've not been going to sleep till 3am ish. Send me a nice handsome fireman to put the fire out!!He, He!
funnily enough I'm feeling better because my neighbour who takes me to swimming has had an operation and cant go obviously. So I'm using a taxi. it gives me a sense of more independence. sounds silly but because I have to make the decision to go swimming myself and order the taxi I feel freer. I just hate relying on other people. Infact I've refused the care vouchers from Local authority as I want to be as independent as poss for as long as posible.
I was going to go out on my scooter this afternoon as the sun is out and do some errands, but last night the tumble dryer decided to suddenly make horrid grating noises so I've found an engineer to come this afternoon. bet he turns up at 5pm when its dark. Even though its freezing the sun is out and I'm itching to step outside. Ah well. The best laid plans as they say.
Knitting
The Stepping Stones jacket continues to grow. I've done 1 side of the front and started on the other side. I'll try and take piccies to make the blog more interesting.
I was going to pic up a sock and finish it and send them to my sis fro her birhtday, but I want to finish this jacket off. that 'll be a first for a long time. Sticking to one thing and finishing it. I usually have 4-5 on the go and alternate.
general
Theres not much to report. Josh is behaving -ish. Rachel has cooked alll the meals this week and done a beautiful job. I'm so grateful. Sam did say he was coming home this weekend, but change dhis mind.
a
short blog this week.
Wednesday, 16 January 2008
The return of the pain patch saga and more in the saga of an 11 year old pre teen!!!
FM
I was hoping this blog would be a mainly knitting, non moaning blog. But a certain little unwelcome visitor rules my life so I'm going to moan away.
Last week was the pits! Un known to me until Monday, I had a bug and temperature. How would I not know? Well I feel like I've got the flu most of the time. I ache esp my legs and my skin is sore to touch. Some days its so 'alive' I cant bear wearing clothes next to my legs. I've had to stop wearing jeans as they're to heavy for my legs and wear soft trackies or a skirt.
Anyway, back to the bug. Sunday my legs felt like my bones were broken. Smashed into smithereens. Nothing unusual there. it also hurt to swallow. nothing unusual there. my throat flares up constantly. I was really tired. Nowt new there either! Mon I went to swimming but came home and went to bed. In bed I was sweating. Nowt new there either! I often have periods of sweating. its the SSRI's I beleive. Any way, just out of curiosity I took my temp and low and behold it was 38C. I slept then for the whole of monday afternoon, evening and night!
So I was housebound for the rest of the week. I'd decided to go swimming Friday, but my cleaner let me down so I had to do a bit of cleaning in between rests. I recon I could probably manage the house if I did one room a day, but I prefer the cleaner and save my energies for other things. So by Saturday I was climbing the walls. Rachel asked me to go to town with her as she wanted to go to Primark. Primark on a Saturday! OMG!! You need to steal yourself to go there esp on an electric scooter! Anyway I'd said yes on Friday, but when Saturday came I was so stiff and sore from over doing it on the cleaning front Friday that I stayed in. actually I had rather a nice afternoon. Josh was over the road at his friends so I put my U2 Vertigo Tour DVD on a sat knitting, singing along!wishing I'd been able to go to the concert in '05 Grrrr-bleeding illness. Whenever the next U2 tour is I shall be there! even if I'm strapped in a bed!!!
and now to this week. More moaning I'm afraid. I went to the GP's Monday coz I've run out of tramadol. I told him about the pain pathces. 5mg not enough-10mg too strong. Should I remain on tramadol until I go back to the pain clinic in march? he asked me to try the 5mg patch again for a whole month as see what developed. so here I am 48 hrs later with no pain cover again going mad as they take 3-5 days to absorrb into your body. I was so uncomfortable in the night thatI didnt go to sleep until 5am! Then I was up at 7am and finally fell asleep at 9.30 am until 12.45pm! I was woken by my neighbours frantically ringing the bell to see if I was OK. The curtains were shut downstairs and they were worried about meWhich is very nice, but I feel like some old dear.
I'm feeling very down again about the whole FM thing. how boring is my life? I rely on Norman for everything. I need xyz, I have to wait until weekend when he can take me. I'm so pissed off with it all. I want my life back but its not going to happen.
And to cheer me up even furhter today, my throat is bad and I've a mild temp again. I suspect this temp of mine is going up more than I've realised.
Family
And to cheer me up even more, last weeks crap news was that my Mum needs another lot of Chemo. This is the third lot she's had now. I'm more upset now than in the past I think coz as it gets further down the line you wonder how much she can take before it totally overhwelms her. Also wwith Josh's barmitzvah a year in April, I want her there. In fact last night I tried listening to my weight loss CD as it usually relaxes me and I go to sleep. But one of the images is seeing yourself in the future, slim , with a new outfit on. My Image is of me infront of the mirror on the morning of Josh's barmitzvah looking slim in my posh suit. But last night, or 3o'clock this morning I couldnt cunjour the image up. I kept thinking of Mum and the uncertain future and it got me upset so I abandoned the tape. But she's held the C off before now twice so lets just hope. its been 4 years now that she's been battling and I just get this sense that time, god forbid , is running out. I hope not.
other than that rachels' had some of her mock results and was in a foul temper last night as they're 'not good enough'. She has mostly A's but a few B's. Fine by me. I said to her she's worked really hard and done her best and the results were fine. I think she was hoping for a string of A* but its not the real thing till May. Sam got 11 GCSE's 4A* and 4A's so she pitting herself against him. Actually overall, in her school work Rachel has always been brighter than Sam so I dont think she should worry.
Josh-Oh Boy!! that kid is like Bart Simpson and just lurches from one disaster to another. he came home Monday after school and asked me had Mrs so and so rang? No she hadnt. well?.... I'm waiting, what have you done now? Turns out he'd punched a girl friend in the stomach, he thought playfully, but it was really hard. The girl had to see the school nurse! Josh was to stay in 'exclusion' all yesterday and have an afterschool detention aswell as punishment. He , according to him, didnt do anything. But then he never does. The world collapses around him and he's done nothing.
He came home yesterday and said exclusion was fine! he'd sat in a classroom all day with some other naughty kids, read a bit, done some homework and played the system. With each teacher change into the classroom he'd asked to go to the toilet. some times he's needed it and sometimes he's wandered around the school for 10 mins and wandered back! He didnt have an after school either. some punishment!! Its like water off a ducks back to him. whatever we or school do, its like'wha'ever' in that Katherine tate voice! grrrr!He was so rude to me and Hubby at dinner time last night that I told him he couldnt go across the road to his friends. He was answering us back and giving us hell, so I turned round and said' dont you dare speak to me and your father in that disrespectful manner. We didnt put you in exclusion all day . YOU did that by your own actions. So speak politely to us or not at all.' That shut him up!!!
He was nice as pie after that. Hubby took grumpy Rachel to a sixth form open evening at school and I sat with him. warned him I was in pain and tired so to behave. he had a bath at 8pm and was in bed for 9pm which is what he needed. I made a fuss of him so he was mollified. He's exhausting that child!!
Knitting
well considering this was to be primarily a knitting blog until some little sod of an illness rept in a stole the shwo!, there isnt alot to tell. I'm plodding on with the Stepping Stones jacker. I've done one front triangle row and am filling in the side triangles which is laborious. To be honest I am now bored. I've finished the back and the front is a replica and I'm finding it tedious. But I'm determined this time to finish one project at a time and not have 5-6 on the go! But I can feel another sock beconing me! Dont give in.
Weight loss
yay another 1lb off this week!! I'm so happy.
I was hoping this blog would be a mainly knitting, non moaning blog. But a certain little unwelcome visitor rules my life so I'm going to moan away.
Last week was the pits! Un known to me until Monday, I had a bug and temperature. How would I not know? Well I feel like I've got the flu most of the time. I ache esp my legs and my skin is sore to touch. Some days its so 'alive' I cant bear wearing clothes next to my legs. I've had to stop wearing jeans as they're to heavy for my legs and wear soft trackies or a skirt.
Anyway, back to the bug. Sunday my legs felt like my bones were broken. Smashed into smithereens. Nothing unusual there. it also hurt to swallow. nothing unusual there. my throat flares up constantly. I was really tired. Nowt new there either! Mon I went to swimming but came home and went to bed. In bed I was sweating. Nowt new there either! I often have periods of sweating. its the SSRI's I beleive. Any way, just out of curiosity I took my temp and low and behold it was 38C. I slept then for the whole of monday afternoon, evening and night!
So I was housebound for the rest of the week. I'd decided to go swimming Friday, but my cleaner let me down so I had to do a bit of cleaning in between rests. I recon I could probably manage the house if I did one room a day, but I prefer the cleaner and save my energies for other things. So by Saturday I was climbing the walls. Rachel asked me to go to town with her as she wanted to go to Primark. Primark on a Saturday! OMG!! You need to steal yourself to go there esp on an electric scooter! Anyway I'd said yes on Friday, but when Saturday came I was so stiff and sore from over doing it on the cleaning front Friday that I stayed in. actually I had rather a nice afternoon. Josh was over the road at his friends so I put my U2 Vertigo Tour DVD on a sat knitting, singing along!wishing I'd been able to go to the concert in '05 Grrrr-bleeding illness. Whenever the next U2 tour is I shall be there! even if I'm strapped in a bed!!!
and now to this week. More moaning I'm afraid. I went to the GP's Monday coz I've run out of tramadol. I told him about the pain pathces. 5mg not enough-10mg too strong. Should I remain on tramadol until I go back to the pain clinic in march? he asked me to try the 5mg patch again for a whole month as see what developed. so here I am 48 hrs later with no pain cover again going mad as they take 3-5 days to absorrb into your body. I was so uncomfortable in the night thatI didnt go to sleep until 5am! Then I was up at 7am and finally fell asleep at 9.30 am until 12.45pm! I was woken by my neighbours frantically ringing the bell to see if I was OK. The curtains were shut downstairs and they were worried about meWhich is very nice, but I feel like some old dear.
I'm feeling very down again about the whole FM thing. how boring is my life? I rely on Norman for everything. I need xyz, I have to wait until weekend when he can take me. I'm so pissed off with it all. I want my life back but its not going to happen.
And to cheer me up even furhter today, my throat is bad and I've a mild temp again. I suspect this temp of mine is going up more than I've realised.
Family
And to cheer me up even more, last weeks crap news was that my Mum needs another lot of Chemo. This is the third lot she's had now. I'm more upset now than in the past I think coz as it gets further down the line you wonder how much she can take before it totally overhwelms her. Also wwith Josh's barmitzvah a year in April, I want her there. In fact last night I tried listening to my weight loss CD as it usually relaxes me and I go to sleep. But one of the images is seeing yourself in the future, slim , with a new outfit on. My Image is of me infront of the mirror on the morning of Josh's barmitzvah looking slim in my posh suit. But last night, or 3o'clock this morning I couldnt cunjour the image up. I kept thinking of Mum and the uncertain future and it got me upset so I abandoned the tape. But she's held the C off before now twice so lets just hope. its been 4 years now that she's been battling and I just get this sense that time, god forbid , is running out. I hope not.
other than that rachels' had some of her mock results and was in a foul temper last night as they're 'not good enough'. She has mostly A's but a few B's. Fine by me. I said to her she's worked really hard and done her best and the results were fine. I think she was hoping for a string of A* but its not the real thing till May. Sam got 11 GCSE's 4A* and 4A's so she pitting herself against him. Actually overall, in her school work Rachel has always been brighter than Sam so I dont think she should worry.
Josh-Oh Boy!! that kid is like Bart Simpson and just lurches from one disaster to another. he came home Monday after school and asked me had Mrs so and so rang? No she hadnt. well?.... I'm waiting, what have you done now? Turns out he'd punched a girl friend in the stomach, he thought playfully, but it was really hard. The girl had to see the school nurse! Josh was to stay in 'exclusion' all yesterday and have an afterschool detention aswell as punishment. He , according to him, didnt do anything. But then he never does. The world collapses around him and he's done nothing.
He came home yesterday and said exclusion was fine! he'd sat in a classroom all day with some other naughty kids, read a bit, done some homework and played the system. With each teacher change into the classroom he'd asked to go to the toilet. some times he's needed it and sometimes he's wandered around the school for 10 mins and wandered back! He didnt have an after school either. some punishment!! Its like water off a ducks back to him. whatever we or school do, its like'wha'ever' in that Katherine tate voice! grrrr!He was so rude to me and Hubby at dinner time last night that I told him he couldnt go across the road to his friends. He was answering us back and giving us hell, so I turned round and said' dont you dare speak to me and your father in that disrespectful manner. We didnt put you in exclusion all day . YOU did that by your own actions. So speak politely to us or not at all.' That shut him up!!!
He was nice as pie after that. Hubby took grumpy Rachel to a sixth form open evening at school and I sat with him. warned him I was in pain and tired so to behave. he had a bath at 8pm and was in bed for 9pm which is what he needed. I made a fuss of him so he was mollified. He's exhausting that child!!
Knitting
well considering this was to be primarily a knitting blog until some little sod of an illness rept in a stole the shwo!, there isnt alot to tell. I'm plodding on with the Stepping Stones jacker. I've done one front triangle row and am filling in the side triangles which is laborious. To be honest I am now bored. I've finished the back and the front is a replica and I'm finding it tedious. But I'm determined this time to finish one project at a time and not have 5-6 on the go! But I can feel another sock beconing me! Dont give in.
Weight loss
yay another 1lb off this week!! I'm so happy.
Wednesday, 9 January 2008
A positive start
Weight loss
This first week and a bit has got off to a good start. 2 lb off in the first week! I'm finding cutting carbs very hard, but I know that as I'm so inactive and on all these meds that mess up my metabolism, its the only way I loose weight. I'm listening to Glennn Harolds weight loss CD which is helping. I have had a few bowls of cereal though and 1/2 a jacket last night but overall not much. TThis is NOT Atkins BTW! I tried that once and lasted 1 week. dreadful idea, all those eggs and cheese and cream YUK!!! I felt sick so abandoned it. I'm eating low GL and cutting out bread, spuds and pasta etc but using beans and lentils and barley for carbs.
Typical day;
Breakfast- stewed compot with goats yogurt
L- bowl homemade soup-at the mo its curried root veg and barley
D-tuna steak with veg/chicken of some sort with veg etc
snacks- fruit/nuts/seeds/humous and carrots
My idea was to up the exercise so apart from swimming to finally use the yoga DVD gathering dust on the shelf. Thankfully the DVD is titled Yoga for Energy and is aimed at people like myself with CFS/FM etc and is in stages. I managed the opening stretches and lying poses but then had to stop. eventually I'll staedily increase and be able, hopefully to do the full dvd. This is why I've not re-joined a yoga class. I reckon I could only manage 10 mins at the most.
KNITTING
On the knitting front I'm still doing the stepping stones Jacket from Colinette; finally a piccie of the back in progress and one of Cinders attacking the yarn whilst I'm trying to photograph it!!
FM
On the FM front I'm the same as ever. I went to The Trafford Centre again on Saturday, but on my scooter as I really couldnt walk 2 steps that day. I bought some own brand 'Ugg'Boots for £25 in the sale so that pleased me , and a large shoulder bag to go crosswise over my chest when I'm on my scooter. What drove me MAD on Saturday were the poeple who just barge into you or fall over you as they dont see you. or they stare at you like you've got 3 heads or something. It was worse still in the wheelchair though. Now I know how babies feel in their buggies.
My legs felt like My bones were full of broken glass on Sunday and Monday. and I was really exhausted. I just put it down to FM being worse than normal, but Monday afternoon I climbed into bed and the sweat was rooling off me. As my throat hurt to swallow, which is also normal for me, my tonsills flare up regularly, I decided I'd check my temperature. Low and behold it was high at 38c . No wonder I felt ill. I slept for the whole of the rest of the day and night and felt better yesterday. Thats it though, I can never tell if I have a bug coz I feel like I've got 'flu all the time!!
General Musings
General Musings
Rachel is well into her GCSE mocks and is studying hard. She's wonderful as ever. I was only thinking on Saturday how unselfish she is. NOT typical of a teenager who's nearly 16 at all. she made a beautiful apple turnover with caramel sauce in it yesterday so I had to have 2 mouthfuls. it was devine.
Sam is back at uni, in the middle of exams and Josh is not too bad at the minute. I think the recent groundings may have done him some good. perhaps its sinking into that brain of his that we mean business and he cant behave just as he wants. Still he's only been back at school 3 days so we shall see how things go. he's been moved down 1 set in Ivrit which has cheered him up as he clashed terribly with his previous Ivrit teacher and he likes this one. lets hope he sttles down a bit more now its his second term.
I often think of things to write on here in the middle of the night and then forget them by the time I've woken up!!
Monday, 31 December 2007
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Wishing everybody who reads this a healthy and happy year ahead.
2007 was a mixed bag for me,
Positive things
My Husband and kids continue to be my rock and give me lots of wonderful things
I'm no longer depressed
I've carried on knitting and created a few nice things
I've made new friends on various forums I go on
I'm more accepting of the FM and have found ways of coping with it.I have a good survivial strategy
This was the year I travelled a long path of psychology and won and was discharged with good coping strategies and a beleif in myself that I can survive and cope in the big wide world.
Negative
FM -I started the year not being able to walk far and with a stick, but it has deteriorated to the point that I now need a scooter or wheelchair when out.
The FM has altered my life style unbeleivably this last year and it would be very easy to sit back and wallow in it all and become depressed.
Josh's behaviour has been a huge trial this year. But we've ridden the storm and usually solved the imediate crisis.
Both sets of parents continue to have deteriorating health, mostly due to old age.
I've fought and lost a huge battle with my eating and weight.
Resolutions for 2008
To be very strict regarding my diet and stop dieting and eat healthily. Ther in lies the key. I have a hypnosis tape which is re-enforcing some positive beleifs and helping me come to realise and acknowledge my unhealthy eating habits. if the weight doesnt come off it will be due to meds and inactivity but there are 16 months to Josh's Barmitzvah so hopefully I can shed some if not all of the 3 stones I need to loose. getting rid of the mind set that I'm on a diet is very important. I'm now going to eat healthily.
I'm going to carry on Knitting. it is marvellous for building self esteem. it helps me cope with pain and it helps my foggy brain.
I'm going to carry on going swimming and hydrotherapy and managing my pain as best as I can.
KNITTING
On the knitting front I'm working on a Colinette Jacket called Stepping stones. its very intricate and has lots of diff stitches so I'm not bored yet. Its made by joining pieces into one to make the whole jacket so as it builds up its getting quite heavy to hold. I have 200 plus stitches OTN so I'm usins a circ. Its starting to hurt my shoulders and hands but I'm not one for giving up.
FM
Why do I keep kiding myself I'm going to be cured and I keep clutching at straws. when I was on the Butrans patches I had fabulous pain releif. So I thought , hey ,great ,now I'm not in pain I can do loads .I'm cured!!!! But the exhaustion hasnt gone away, as I found out!! I became really angry and dissapointed. This made me very grumpy with everyone.
I stopped the patches as I was out to lunch on them. I had no pain for 1 whole week after stopping the patches, again I thought , Fab! The patches have shut off the pain gateways. perhaps my brain has been re-educated and I wont feel the pain in future!! I even managed a 1 and 1/2 hour walk around The Trafford Centre (huge shopping mall). I woke up today stiff, sore and in pain! its back!! I wonder why it is that when I dont feel pain or exhaustion I immediately begin to hope and also question whether it was so bad in the first place!!
Family
Sam came back from Israel all happy happy and in love . he's spent the rest of the time here asleep or on the computer!!! Norman keeps loosing his temper with him. I just let it ride over my head unless I need Sam to help me with something!
Josh is grounded again! I found the missing cigarettes from M-I-L's pack. They were at the bottom of a rolled up car mat inhis wardrobe. He' says they must've fallen out of the pack!! Norman beleives him! I dont. I went to get some matches to light one and force him to smoke it but he backed away and refused. Josh seems to be enjoying his grounding!!! he's a much nicer person and Norman has taken him to a local park today to use his remote car that he bought with his Chanukah money!! he did ask to go to the Pictures but I refused. Grounding means just that, no treats, no money spent on him until we decide his behaviour warrants it.
Rachel is studying hard for her mocks which start on Wednesday. We've had lots of her friends popping up all holiday. I dont mind them being here at all, but she never asks and then wants one of the boys to stay for tea. The boys all have big appetites and I need notice of they're staying for tea. Or she's turned round at 10pm and asked Norman to drive her somewhere!! Just like that which has caused a few arguments.
We have both sets of parents for New years Dinner tommorrow and Wed nesday they're back to school and Sam goes back to Uni!!!
All in al,its been a good holiday. We've had the party which went very well. we've been to the cinema twice and we're going to a friends house tonight to party. Hope I make it to midnight!!
Bye Bye 2007 and lets hope 2008 is a better year.
2007 was a mixed bag for me,
Positive things
My Husband and kids continue to be my rock and give me lots of wonderful things
I'm no longer depressed
I've carried on knitting and created a few nice things
I've made new friends on various forums I go on
I'm more accepting of the FM and have found ways of coping with it.I have a good survivial strategy
This was the year I travelled a long path of psychology and won and was discharged with good coping strategies and a beleif in myself that I can survive and cope in the big wide world.
Negative
FM -I started the year not being able to walk far and with a stick, but it has deteriorated to the point that I now need a scooter or wheelchair when out.
The FM has altered my life style unbeleivably this last year and it would be very easy to sit back and wallow in it all and become depressed.
Josh's behaviour has been a huge trial this year. But we've ridden the storm and usually solved the imediate crisis.
Both sets of parents continue to have deteriorating health, mostly due to old age.
I've fought and lost a huge battle with my eating and weight.
Resolutions for 2008
To be very strict regarding my diet and stop dieting and eat healthily. Ther in lies the key. I have a hypnosis tape which is re-enforcing some positive beleifs and helping me come to realise and acknowledge my unhealthy eating habits. if the weight doesnt come off it will be due to meds and inactivity but there are 16 months to Josh's Barmitzvah so hopefully I can shed some if not all of the 3 stones I need to loose. getting rid of the mind set that I'm on a diet is very important. I'm now going to eat healthily.
I'm going to carry on Knitting. it is marvellous for building self esteem. it helps me cope with pain and it helps my foggy brain.
I'm going to carry on going swimming and hydrotherapy and managing my pain as best as I can.
KNITTING
On the knitting front I'm working on a Colinette Jacket called Stepping stones. its very intricate and has lots of diff stitches so I'm not bored yet. Its made by joining pieces into one to make the whole jacket so as it builds up its getting quite heavy to hold. I have 200 plus stitches OTN so I'm usins a circ. Its starting to hurt my shoulders and hands but I'm not one for giving up.
FM
Why do I keep kiding myself I'm going to be cured and I keep clutching at straws. when I was on the Butrans patches I had fabulous pain releif. So I thought , hey ,great ,now I'm not in pain I can do loads .I'm cured!!!! But the exhaustion hasnt gone away, as I found out!! I became really angry and dissapointed. This made me very grumpy with everyone.
I stopped the patches as I was out to lunch on them. I had no pain for 1 whole week after stopping the patches, again I thought , Fab! The patches have shut off the pain gateways. perhaps my brain has been re-educated and I wont feel the pain in future!! I even managed a 1 and 1/2 hour walk around The Trafford Centre (huge shopping mall). I woke up today stiff, sore and in pain! its back!! I wonder why it is that when I dont feel pain or exhaustion I immediately begin to hope and also question whether it was so bad in the first place!!
Family
Sam came back from Israel all happy happy and in love . he's spent the rest of the time here asleep or on the computer!!! Norman keeps loosing his temper with him. I just let it ride over my head unless I need Sam to help me with something!
Josh is grounded again! I found the missing cigarettes from M-I-L's pack. They were at the bottom of a rolled up car mat inhis wardrobe. He' says they must've fallen out of the pack!! Norman beleives him! I dont. I went to get some matches to light one and force him to smoke it but he backed away and refused. Josh seems to be enjoying his grounding!!! he's a much nicer person and Norman has taken him to a local park today to use his remote car that he bought with his Chanukah money!! he did ask to go to the Pictures but I refused. Grounding means just that, no treats, no money spent on him until we decide his behaviour warrants it.
Rachel is studying hard for her mocks which start on Wednesday. We've had lots of her friends popping up all holiday. I dont mind them being here at all, but she never asks and then wants one of the boys to stay for tea. The boys all have big appetites and I need notice of they're staying for tea. Or she's turned round at 10pm and asked Norman to drive her somewhere!! Just like that which has caused a few arguments.
We have both sets of parents for New years Dinner tommorrow and Wed nesday they're back to school and Sam goes back to Uni!!!
All in al,its been a good holiday. We've had the party which went very well. we've been to the cinema twice and we're going to a friends house tonight to party. Hope I make it to midnight!!
Bye Bye 2007 and lets hope 2008 is a better year.
Sunday, 23 December 2007
I am so Pissed off with myself and this bleeping FM!
FM
Of course it has to be FM doesnt it. I think I've got my life maneagable and some teenzy weenzy thing throws it all off kilter. This weeks episode? Hubby was working away for 2 nights. Fine. No problem. There was me, Rachel and Josh. What was there not to be able to manage about it? Well this is what my brain thought, but my body obviously had other ideas. I have a set routine at home which makes me able to manage the pain and exhaustion which involves not doing a great deal. One thing I have discovered is that , apart from being drugged up, I just cant handle early mornings. This is my usual routine;
Hubby wakes me up about 7.30am with a cup of Redbush tea. I surface out of my drugged sleep enough to creek to the loo, about 2 feet as we have an en-suite, and I drink my tea. The kids come in, give me a hug and kiss etc and I fall back asleep after they leave for school.
10.30/11ish am, I re-surface and get up. if I'm going to the gym I get dresed slowly-usually leaving out the socks as I cant reach.If its not a gym day I stay in my jammies a bit longer.
Go down with everything I need for the day so I dont have to climb the stairs again if poss.
Get another brew and breakfast.If Its not a gym day I go for a long hot soak at this point to ease the stiffness and pain.
12.30 usually out of the bath/or 1.45pm usually back from swim and hydropool hopefully loosened up enough to put socks on!!!
2pm-lunch whilst watching 60Min makeover!
I empty dishwasher in bits during intervals. Sit and knit
Put odd wash load in
Go on Computer.
4.30pm Josh gets in from school.I make him a hot drink
5.30pm make Josh his tea cos he's too hungry to wait for us
Rachel gets home from school about 5.30pm
Norman get in around 6.30
he makes tea, washes up, clears up, He takes Josh football training and does the Tesco shop on a Thursday.
I help Josh with his homework,
By 8.30-9pm I'm back in bed again exhausted (i have such a busy day-not!!).
Norman usually shoves Josh in the bath and makes his supper. I shout encouragment from the bedroom!
So Norman dissapeared on business, Rachel was really ill with a nasty flu type virus and out of helping action.All I did was make 2 teas, one for josh which I think was a hot dog and ajacket potato with tuna for me. Not exactly rocket science, I then loaded the dish washer, ran Josh's bath, made his supper which is usually cereal and ahot choc, locked the house up and had us both tucked up in my bed by 9pm.
I got up with my alarm at 7.15am Tues morning, creeked painfully downstairs to make Josh and I a brew and sat with him whilst he got dressed. He loved the undivided attention. After he left for school I went back to bed for 1 hour as Tuesday is art class so I get up at 10am on a Tuesday.
I was given a lift by my friend. Now I needed some birthday cards and some cash. Norman usually deals with these kind of things But as my pal was going to Tesco I decided I'd go in with her, get the cash and the cards and sit and have a sandwhich and coffee whilst she did her shopping. I managed somehow to walk from the car into the supermarket and to the card bit. My legs were seriously giving out on me by this time and I fell into the cafe gratefully. I somehow managed to hobble back to the car. when I got home I collapsed into bed totally drained and hardly able to move. I wasnt up when Josh got home, but I managed to throw some Curry sauce over some chicken breasts for our tea.
Josh decided he was going to build a model out of polystyrene and made a rip roaring mess! he cleared it up under suferance but his idea of clearing up and mine are 2 diff things so I ended up hoovering the kitchen, then I for some reason flicked round the lounge. of course my body gave out again. it was dustbin night so I got Josh to put the bin out as there was no way i could manage and with Rachel out of action it was hopeless.
I slept badly and fell out of bed Wed am to wake Josh up. I was so exhausted I went back to bed. Norman got home at 10am and I wanted to be bright and breezy and greet him with a smile. Instead this miswerable, exhausted wreck greeted him.
I have been so angry and frustrated with myself all week. it took 2 days of being virtually in bed to regain a modicum of strenght back.
I feel better today, only because last night Norman said something unintentionally to me and I took it the wrong way and started crying so at least I could vent my anger and dissapointment at myself and how useless I feel.
I'm also beginning to feel the lack of daylight and am worrying incase I get depressed. I have been a bit down lately and have no desire for a visit from 'the black dog' thank you very much which is why I am sat here writing my tombe With the SAD lamp on.
I seriously need to fill some thought sheets in from my CBT sessions and get things into perspective.
The dietary front
I've lost control again. I dont know if its the cold weather or my mood or boredom but I've been pgging chocolate again and put wight on. With this in mind I bought a hypnosis CD and have been using it religiously every day to help the vravings. The first 3 days were murder and I had the urge to raid the chocs again, but I resisted. I'm not worrying about eating smaller prtions just yet. One thing at a time. Once the cravings are under control and I can look at a choc bar and imagine it as apile of dog pooh I'll worry about reducing portion sizes and getting properly back to GLing again! I'm very pleased with myself as I've done very well the last 4 days. I've had 3 meals and any snacks have been fruit or a handful of nuts so onward and downwards as far as the weight is concerned.
WE're having a Party!!!
For the first time in 4 years I'm entertaining again!!!! Because of the FM and depression I've literally not had a friend in the house for this long. I'm really excited. Mind you I'm hardly doing a Fanny Cradock. I've asked all our gueast to bring a dish with. Its not quite a 'pot luck' supper as most guests have asked what to bring so I've co-ordinated it. if I had to cater I wouldnt actually be at the party, I'd be in bed.I have cooked half a salmon and will be cooking some pizzas and party bites tommorrow!! Not quite up to my old standards but its a start. As we've been off the social map for so long we've asked all our friends from ages past so about 28 of us plus kids will be partying!!! its one night I'm not going to diet.
Well if anyone actually reads this and is still awake at this point I wish you all a Happy Holiday.
Of course it has to be FM doesnt it. I think I've got my life maneagable and some teenzy weenzy thing throws it all off kilter. This weeks episode? Hubby was working away for 2 nights. Fine. No problem. There was me, Rachel and Josh. What was there not to be able to manage about it? Well this is what my brain thought, but my body obviously had other ideas. I have a set routine at home which makes me able to manage the pain and exhaustion which involves not doing a great deal. One thing I have discovered is that , apart from being drugged up, I just cant handle early mornings. This is my usual routine;
Hubby wakes me up about 7.30am with a cup of Redbush tea. I surface out of my drugged sleep enough to creek to the loo, about 2 feet as we have an en-suite, and I drink my tea. The kids come in, give me a hug and kiss etc and I fall back asleep after they leave for school.
10.30/11ish am, I re-surface and get up. if I'm going to the gym I get dresed slowly-usually leaving out the socks as I cant reach.If its not a gym day I stay in my jammies a bit longer.
Go down with everything I need for the day so I dont have to climb the stairs again if poss.
Get another brew and breakfast.If Its not a gym day I go for a long hot soak at this point to ease the stiffness and pain.
12.30 usually out of the bath/or 1.45pm usually back from swim and hydropool hopefully loosened up enough to put socks on!!!
2pm-lunch whilst watching 60Min makeover!
I empty dishwasher in bits during intervals. Sit and knit
Put odd wash load in
Go on Computer.
4.30pm Josh gets in from school.I make him a hot drink
5.30pm make Josh his tea cos he's too hungry to wait for us
Rachel gets home from school about 5.30pm
Norman get in around 6.30
he makes tea, washes up, clears up, He takes Josh football training and does the Tesco shop on a Thursday.
I help Josh with his homework,
By 8.30-9pm I'm back in bed again exhausted (i have such a busy day-not!!).
Norman usually shoves Josh in the bath and makes his supper. I shout encouragment from the bedroom!
So Norman dissapeared on business, Rachel was really ill with a nasty flu type virus and out of helping action.All I did was make 2 teas, one for josh which I think was a hot dog and ajacket potato with tuna for me. Not exactly rocket science, I then loaded the dish washer, ran Josh's bath, made his supper which is usually cereal and ahot choc, locked the house up and had us both tucked up in my bed by 9pm.
I got up with my alarm at 7.15am Tues morning, creeked painfully downstairs to make Josh and I a brew and sat with him whilst he got dressed. He loved the undivided attention. After he left for school I went back to bed for 1 hour as Tuesday is art class so I get up at 10am on a Tuesday.
I was given a lift by my friend. Now I needed some birthday cards and some cash. Norman usually deals with these kind of things But as my pal was going to Tesco I decided I'd go in with her, get the cash and the cards and sit and have a sandwhich and coffee whilst she did her shopping. I managed somehow to walk from the car into the supermarket and to the card bit. My legs were seriously giving out on me by this time and I fell into the cafe gratefully. I somehow managed to hobble back to the car. when I got home I collapsed into bed totally drained and hardly able to move. I wasnt up when Josh got home, but I managed to throw some Curry sauce over some chicken breasts for our tea.
Josh decided he was going to build a model out of polystyrene and made a rip roaring mess! he cleared it up under suferance but his idea of clearing up and mine are 2 diff things so I ended up hoovering the kitchen, then I for some reason flicked round the lounge. of course my body gave out again. it was dustbin night so I got Josh to put the bin out as there was no way i could manage and with Rachel out of action it was hopeless.
I slept badly and fell out of bed Wed am to wake Josh up. I was so exhausted I went back to bed. Norman got home at 10am and I wanted to be bright and breezy and greet him with a smile. Instead this miswerable, exhausted wreck greeted him.
I have been so angry and frustrated with myself all week. it took 2 days of being virtually in bed to regain a modicum of strenght back.
I feel better today, only because last night Norman said something unintentionally to me and I took it the wrong way and started crying so at least I could vent my anger and dissapointment at myself and how useless I feel.
I'm also beginning to feel the lack of daylight and am worrying incase I get depressed. I have been a bit down lately and have no desire for a visit from 'the black dog' thank you very much which is why I am sat here writing my tombe With the SAD lamp on.
I seriously need to fill some thought sheets in from my CBT sessions and get things into perspective.
The dietary front
I've lost control again. I dont know if its the cold weather or my mood or boredom but I've been pgging chocolate again and put wight on. With this in mind I bought a hypnosis CD and have been using it religiously every day to help the vravings. The first 3 days were murder and I had the urge to raid the chocs again, but I resisted. I'm not worrying about eating smaller prtions just yet. One thing at a time. Once the cravings are under control and I can look at a choc bar and imagine it as apile of dog pooh I'll worry about reducing portion sizes and getting properly back to GLing again! I'm very pleased with myself as I've done very well the last 4 days. I've had 3 meals and any snacks have been fruit or a handful of nuts so onward and downwards as far as the weight is concerned.
WE're having a Party!!!
For the first time in 4 years I'm entertaining again!!!! Because of the FM and depression I've literally not had a friend in the house for this long. I'm really excited. Mind you I'm hardly doing a Fanny Cradock. I've asked all our gueast to bring a dish with. Its not quite a 'pot luck' supper as most guests have asked what to bring so I've co-ordinated it. if I had to cater I wouldnt actually be at the party, I'd be in bed.I have cooked half a salmon and will be cooking some pizzas and party bites tommorrow!! Not quite up to my old standards but its a start. As we've been off the social map for so long we've asked all our friends from ages past so about 28 of us plus kids will be partying!!! its one night I'm not going to diet.
Well if anyone actually reads this and is still awake at this point I wish you all a Happy Holiday.
Monday, 17 December 2007
Banana Scarf
Here is the scarf i made from the banana fibre yarn I got from Harrogate Knitting and Stitching show the other week. its a heavy fibre but has softened up by hand washing. It is actually warm to wear. Note the beautifully drapped scarf around the banana!!! Good job Hubby is the photographer not me!!
Sunday, 16 December 2007
A slightly Fraught week!
Gawd what a week its been especially with Josh. Now theres a surprise! This time he's gone even further. last Sunday we did the rounds of the grandparents. When we got home there was a message from M-I-L to ring. A pack of cigarettes had gone missing from her cupboard! Josh, is a consumate lyer so when he looked me straight in the eye and said he didnt take them, would never do that as footballers cant smoke, I didnt beleive him. In the last half term a box of matches had gone missing which he denied any knowledge of. We found loads of spent matches outside. Him and his friend had bought sweet cigarettes and had been trying to light them.
I searched his room, schoolbag anywhere I could think of and found nothing. Tuesday morning Josh woke up and came out onto the landing talking about the place smelling of stale smoke!!!
'Hmmm, like those you stole from grandma' came my reply. 'Oh no I never took them' said Mr lyer again. Something twigged in Normans brain. He remembered that after we questioned Josh last Sunday he'd found him on his window ledge apparently shutting his window, which was closed anyway! norman went outside and low and behold found the pack of cigarettes thrown at the side of the decking.
The air was blue. I just burst into tears. As they were leaving for school we had to wait to deal with him later. Norman was horribly calm when it came to dealing with him. I wasnt!!! it was just the final straw in a string of lying, taking little things like sweets from Rachel, being constantly devious. apparently, and I still dont beleive Josh, he took them as he didnt want grandma to die from cancer. very plausible as my mum lives with cancer and 2 people very close to her have just died within the space of 3 weeks from it. he's constantly asking me how you get it, how its diagnosed, can kids get it etc. But I just dont beleive him some how over this issue. he's in with a very naughty crowd of kids and has been taking a keen interest in smoking and drinking lately.-Non of us smoke only M-I-L and normans brother but I know once his curiosity is roused he just goes and does whatever he likes with no thought to the consequences.
He ended up grounded indefinitely, which will probably mean 2 weeks as theres no way he's being grounded over the school hols!!!! he drove me mad yesterday as it is. I think it was all attention seeking. The last few weeks we'd been coming down on him hard about his homework and behaviour at school and trying to get him more independent, getting his own supper and drinks. But it always backfires. The minute he perceives me to be drawing away in any shape or form he does something negative to get attention.
today I spoke to my pal and found out something else. Josh has been going to a youth group at a local Synagogue. apparently the kids he's with are revolting. Josh got told off last week by my friends daughter -16- who works there and he told her to Piss off!!! Charming. I sometimes despair. How awful it is to have a child who's known for being a horror. he's had 2 detentions at school in the last 2 weeks fro messing about. he answered a teacher back last week. We never, ever had anything remotely like this with Sam and Rachel. Heylp!!!
Sam came home Tuesday in true student style!!! It was funny and irritating at the same time. wed he got up at 1.30pm and sat on the computer and did nothing to help me. Thursday was the same and he fell into bed at 5am! Friday I lost my temper with him. I need help around the house. he knows that. he's only been away 1 term. I was chatting to a friend today who said, much as you love them and want them home its murder as they're used to doing their own thing and dont fit in with your house rules any more. Plus sam and Josh have killed each other the last 5 days. Anyway Sam has departed to Israel for 9 days to see his girlfriend who is studying there for a gap year.So today has been quiet!!!!
I searched his room, schoolbag anywhere I could think of and found nothing. Tuesday morning Josh woke up and came out onto the landing talking about the place smelling of stale smoke!!!
'Hmmm, like those you stole from grandma' came my reply. 'Oh no I never took them' said Mr lyer again. Something twigged in Normans brain. He remembered that after we questioned Josh last Sunday he'd found him on his window ledge apparently shutting his window, which was closed anyway! norman went outside and low and behold found the pack of cigarettes thrown at the side of the decking.
The air was blue. I just burst into tears. As they were leaving for school we had to wait to deal with him later. Norman was horribly calm when it came to dealing with him. I wasnt!!! it was just the final straw in a string of lying, taking little things like sweets from Rachel, being constantly devious. apparently, and I still dont beleive Josh, he took them as he didnt want grandma to die from cancer. very plausible as my mum lives with cancer and 2 people very close to her have just died within the space of 3 weeks from it. he's constantly asking me how you get it, how its diagnosed, can kids get it etc. But I just dont beleive him some how over this issue. he's in with a very naughty crowd of kids and has been taking a keen interest in smoking and drinking lately.-Non of us smoke only M-I-L and normans brother but I know once his curiosity is roused he just goes and does whatever he likes with no thought to the consequences.
He ended up grounded indefinitely, which will probably mean 2 weeks as theres no way he's being grounded over the school hols!!!! he drove me mad yesterday as it is. I think it was all attention seeking. The last few weeks we'd been coming down on him hard about his homework and behaviour at school and trying to get him more independent, getting his own supper and drinks. But it always backfires. The minute he perceives me to be drawing away in any shape or form he does something negative to get attention.
today I spoke to my pal and found out something else. Josh has been going to a youth group at a local Synagogue. apparently the kids he's with are revolting. Josh got told off last week by my friends daughter -16- who works there and he told her to Piss off!!! Charming. I sometimes despair. How awful it is to have a child who's known for being a horror. he's had 2 detentions at school in the last 2 weeks fro messing about. he answered a teacher back last week. We never, ever had anything remotely like this with Sam and Rachel. Heylp!!!
Sam came home Tuesday in true student style!!! It was funny and irritating at the same time. wed he got up at 1.30pm and sat on the computer and did nothing to help me. Thursday was the same and he fell into bed at 5am! Friday I lost my temper with him. I need help around the house. he knows that. he's only been away 1 term. I was chatting to a friend today who said, much as you love them and want them home its murder as they're used to doing their own thing and dont fit in with your house rules any more. Plus sam and Josh have killed each other the last 5 days. Anyway Sam has departed to Israel for 9 days to see his girlfriend who is studying there for a gap year.So today has been quiet!!!!
Monday, 10 December 2007
Chanukah and Birthday pressies!
We are in the midst of Chanukah, which lasts for 8 days. We give smallish presents although giving presents at Chanukah is not a tradition. Most (not all of course) Jewish people living in England today are descended from people who fled the Pogroms in Eastern Europe at the turn of the last Century. My own families came from Belarus and Poland. I think once the families became 'Westernised' they started giving presents as Chanukah as usually is at a similar time to Xmas.
Anyway we dont go mad and spend hundreds. I got 'More Brain Training' for DS Which I'd asked for as I've turned into Winnie the Pooh!! A bear of little brain!!! This Fibromyalgia adles the brain and is well documented. I think I'm going senile half the time!!
We gave the kids money except Josh who already had a mobile phone and had been told weeks ago that that was his present.
I bought the kids bits to open as Rachel loves opening a parcel!And Josh was thrilled with his Lynx shower gel and deodorant spray!
A few weeks ago I spent my birthday gift voucher from Get Knitted- And got a pair of sock blockers and some Knit Picks Options
FM
On the FM front its been mixed. Fabulous pain releif from 10 micrograms of Butrans Patches. BUT I've been like a zombie. I've been so drowsy and I've not been able to look at the computer screen or Tv for more than 10 mins then my brain has conked out. I've been lying in a dark room with my head banging. Yesterday was the last straw. We went visiting the Grandparents. After 20 mins I wanted to sleep and could hardlty converse. I've not been like this since The illness and depression first flared up 4 years ago. So last night I decided enough was enough. Luckily the GP had given me the wrong prescription for 5 micrograms so I was wearing 2 patches. I took one off and we'll see what happens.
Considering my mind is haywire, I'm going throuhg a not sleeping phase and I've been aching badly so I was in a very hot bath at 4am Sunday morning and 2 am this morning! Hey ho!
Knitting
On the knitting front I've finished my banana scarf. Its washed, blocked and dried and actually now feels very nice. it still smells a bit so another wash should do it. Dont know how warm it is yet though! I've cast on yet another project. That must be 7 by now!! its my Collinette jacket I bought 18 months ago !!! Its highly detailed so its for when my brain is working , HA<>
General
Sam is home tommorrow for 4 days before he flies to Israel to see his girlfriend. He's so excited. he's not seen her since October. Wish I could have a week on the sun!
We've decided to make a xmas eve party. it was going to be New Year but my friend pipped us to it. Its going to be a pot luck supper. I.e. I've asked everybody to bring a dish with them. If I catered I'd not be at the party!!! I'd be waving from my bed exhausted. We've not had anybody in the house for 4 years so I'm really looking forward to it. Gosh when I think how life has changed. I used to always make dinner parties and if I say so myself I was quite reknowned for making a good do! And we always had a busy social life. Now if we go out once a month its alot!!! Saturday night we ended up with a takeaway
Anyway we dont go mad and spend hundreds. I got 'More Brain Training' for DS Which I'd asked for as I've turned into Winnie the Pooh!! A bear of little brain!!! This Fibromyalgia adles the brain and is well documented. I think I'm going senile half the time!!
We gave the kids money except Josh who already had a mobile phone and had been told weeks ago that that was his present.
I bought the kids bits to open as Rachel loves opening a parcel!And Josh was thrilled with his Lynx shower gel and deodorant spray!
A few weeks ago I spent my birthday gift voucher from Get Knitted- And got a pair of sock blockers and some Knit Picks Options
FM
On the FM front its been mixed. Fabulous pain releif from 10 micrograms of Butrans Patches. BUT I've been like a zombie. I've been so drowsy and I've not been able to look at the computer screen or Tv for more than 10 mins then my brain has conked out. I've been lying in a dark room with my head banging. Yesterday was the last straw. We went visiting the Grandparents. After 20 mins I wanted to sleep and could hardlty converse. I've not been like this since The illness and depression first flared up 4 years ago. So last night I decided enough was enough. Luckily the GP had given me the wrong prescription for 5 micrograms so I was wearing 2 patches. I took one off and we'll see what happens.
Considering my mind is haywire, I'm going throuhg a not sleeping phase and I've been aching badly so I was in a very hot bath at 4am Sunday morning and 2 am this morning! Hey ho!
Knitting
On the knitting front I've finished my banana scarf. Its washed, blocked and dried and actually now feels very nice. it still smells a bit so another wash should do it. Dont know how warm it is yet though! I've cast on yet another project. That must be 7 by now!! its my Collinette jacket I bought 18 months ago !!! Its highly detailed so its for when my brain is working , HA<>
General
Sam is home tommorrow for 4 days before he flies to Israel to see his girlfriend. He's so excited. he's not seen her since October. Wish I could have a week on the sun!
We've decided to make a xmas eve party. it was going to be New Year but my friend pipped us to it. Its going to be a pot luck supper. I.e. I've asked everybody to bring a dish with them. If I catered I'd not be at the party!!! I'd be waving from my bed exhausted. We've not had anybody in the house for 4 years so I'm really looking forward to it. Gosh when I think how life has changed. I used to always make dinner parties and if I say so myself I was quite reknowned for making a good do! And we always had a busy social life. Now if we go out once a month its alot!!! Saturday night we ended up with a takeaway
Joshua is getting ruder by the minute. The stuff he comes out with! He doesnt care who he says it infront of including the grandparents. He's obsessed with sex! The trouble is Norman laughs at him so he carries on and gets a reaction. I try and ignore him and just tell him off when he gets carried away. But it is very funny behind his back what that kid doesnt know! When we were at the grandparents yesterday I went on dads computer to search for soemthing for mum. I looked back through the history and found searches for porn, people having sex and bare ladies breasts!!!! These were not my dads searches! The little bugger had been on his grandparents computer looking at rude sites. needless to say mum and dad are getting a child blocker like ours!!!!
Rachel is wonderful as ever. She's studying really hard. Baked a wonderful choc fudge cake to die for- I think my GLing is out of the window right now!!!
Monday, 3 December 2007
The Amazing Growing vest Top!
This is the top I knitted for myself in Sirdar Sorrento, a discontinued yarn with cotton. Despite the correct tension it came out Huge. My Mum took the seams in 4 " But it still continues to grow!!! I've hot washed it, tumble dryed it and it still hasnt shrunk!!!! It was supposed to be a deep V neck top to go over my pull on jeans! its unwearable. I've started another one in Wool! lets hope this works out!!!The photo doesnt show the top off too well. its denim looking. ah well!!!
here is the just cast on version
And here is the scarf that I am knitting from the Banana yarn I got in Harrogate. its very unforgiving and heavy so we'll see how it goes. it needs a few more feet and blocking.
FM
on the fm front I'm not doing too badly! For the first time in 3 years I have the best pain releif ever in these 10 microgram Morphine patches. On Friday My cleaner let me down again and I managed to clean the whole of downstairs!!! AMAZING! normally its polish on eroom one day, hoover the next, mop the next etc. I couldnt beleive it and decided I might even be cured!!!! Oh ho,ho!!! I got overexcited. Saturday I managed a small walk around a bit of Asda. Sunday we needed to clean upstairs and iron. so Full of great intentions in my newly 'cured' state I rose up and started helping Josh tidy his pigstye-oh sorry- bedroom! My legs then gave in and so did my energy. AH well. Just goes to show that even with all the therapy, CBt, etc, knowing how to pace, knwoing I'll never be ffree of the FM I still fall into the trap.! Luckily I have the most wonderful hubby and he cleaned all of upstairs and did all the ironong!! he then declared he'd had alovely restful day at home!!! Seriously. This is because , as the only driver, he has to usually on a Sunday , do the bagel run, take Josh to football, ferry Rachel to this friend and that and Band Practise and goodness only knows what else. he never set foot in the car on Sunday and thouroughly enjoyed it. So did I too! I never see him.
Thursday was dry so I tootled off on my scooter into Bury town centre for a Chanukah shop. it was great fun apart from the lack of kerbs coming home from the Metrolink! I had to haul the scooter up a few of them. You dont realise until you're disabled just how bad the kerbs are.
still I went out on my own.
General musing bits.
talking of not seeing people. Rachel seems to have disappeared lately. Since she got Sams old 'pooter in her bedroom she lives upstairs. The difference between her and Sam is that I know she is really studying hard for her G.C.S.E's and not playing games!Sunday, she was in the bath when I woke up, then she went straight into her bedroom. Dunno where I was when she made herself food. Finally at 6pm I walked into her bedroom realising I'd not seen her all day, to give her a hug and say hello!!!! I miss her not being around and miss her lively chatter. But at least she is working
Josh on the other hand... Oh boy!! he's been better than last week when he was up for sale. This week the homework situation has improved slightly, but he's still refusing to do it until 9pm when he's shattered and should be in bed, so he's producing this scrappy mess. We're trying to train him to get his homework done early then he can play, but its hard work getting it to sink in. we had the same with Sam who just wanted to play computer games all night . its drawing a fine line between parenting and letting them take the concequences for not doing homework. Josh is still very immature so he needs directing. Though he's very fickle. he's now collecting some more football cards and wants the album to put them in so he's promised to do all his homework and clean his room thisss week. he probably will too. Then when he's got what he wants we'll be back to the old shouting and screaming.
Sam had his first illness away from home. he phoned us last Sunday night saying he's been throwing up and didnt know what to do. And no it wasnt drink induced. he was shivering too so I reckon he had a bug. of course , bad mother that I am., I forgot to send him off with Calpol, plasters etc, just incase. So he had no Calpol in. he cant swallow tabs. (I've never heard the end of it from my mother! Fancy not sending a first aid box with him) I reassured him and told him to rest, drink plenty and ride it out. Of course my kids dont take after their mother at all-HA<>
Wednesday, 28 November 2007
Lots of fun at Harrogate-Picture Heavy
On Saturday I went to the Knitting and Stitching show at Harrogate.
Norman and the kids drove me up. The weather was attrocious and visibility on the M62 over the pennines was nil, but you still get the idiots racing and coming up close behind you. I shut my eyes or carried on knitting my sock!
When we finally arrived at the venue Norman went to unload my scooter and asked me where the key was......deadly silence.....AAAGGGHHH! I'd left the key in my handbag at home!!!!!!
I had no choice but to walk. Do you know, I managed!!!! I cant beleive I walked for 1 and 1/2 hours around the exhibition! mind you as I was between medicatons I was fortified by 10 Micrograms of Morphine plus my Tramadol!!!!
I bought loads of stuff; here it is;
Army coloured yarn for a jumper for Josh or me. Its was £5 per 500g skein-pure wool! Dunno what ply but it feels 4 ply or DK and I have 1800M for £10
A tube for holding DPN's whilst you are knitting a sock, which stops the stitches falling off the needles in transit,plus some more DPN's. A girl can never hve too many.
The sock is one I cast on last week in Panda Cotton-very 70's
An Indigo dye kit from DT Craft and Design
This book caught my eye after I saw it reviewed in KnitNow. I got it signed by the author.
Some Bee strippy sock yarn for OH who has a passion for honey!!? and I found some small stitch markers for small needles. I'm fed up of loosing big stitch markers on my lace.
Finally my fave. Some Banana Fibre Yarn! I love the sheen so will make a scarf with it.
phew! my coffers are empty now!!!!
I have more goodies to post that arrived last week but will wait for another post!!!
FM
On the pain front I'm doing alot better. I've had the patches increased to 10 microgrammes and its really helping. But my skin is sore and my nerves feel alive under my skin especially around my eyes. AH well we cant have everything!
Friday, 16 November 2007
The Pain Patch Non Event!
I dragged myself, complete with migraine, to the Doctors on Tuesday to get my prescription for the pain patches. My dad went to the Chemists with prescription. Great I thought, I can start the pain releif today ! When dad eventually re-appeared from the chemists nearly an hour later, the doc had given the wrong instructions on the prescription so I couldnt get the patches! how annoying. Apparently he was issuing anew prescription and they would pick it up and I'd have them Wednesday.
Wednesday arrived, I tried phoning the chemists. I kept getting the fax machine. I was tearing my hair out! My neighbour took me up to the chemists on our way to swimming. I asked why they'd only given the fax number on the tablet labels! they didnt have the prescription but would get it Thursday and deliver. Grrrrrr! Thursday came. By 5pm no medication delivered. I phoned, The delivery lady was on her way. 5.45, no pain releif. I phoned again! They hadnt picked the prescriptiton up yet as the'd been waiting for the doctor to confirm he'd isued it!!!! I was getting crosser and crosser! So apparently Today I should get the pain patches, Finally. I'll go beserk if I dont.
its so frustrating. If I could drive I could go and pick the prescription up myself and get the patches, but I'm stuck. Gosh its infuriating.!
Think I need to go and do some more knitting and calm down!!!LOL
Wednesday arrived, I tried phoning the chemists. I kept getting the fax machine. I was tearing my hair out! My neighbour took me up to the chemists on our way to swimming. I asked why they'd only given the fax number on the tablet labels! they didnt have the prescription but would get it Thursday and deliver. Grrrrrr! Thursday came. By 5pm no medication delivered. I phoned, The delivery lady was on her way. 5.45, no pain releif. I phoned again! They hadnt picked the prescriptiton up yet as the'd been waiting for the doctor to confirm he'd isued it!!!! I was getting crosser and crosser! So apparently Today I should get the pain patches, Finally. I'll go beserk if I dont.
its so frustrating. If I could drive I could go and pick the prescription up myself and get the patches, but I'm stuck. Gosh its infuriating.!
Think I need to go and do some more knitting and calm down!!!LOL
Monday, 12 November 2007
Pain Clinic
Had an assessment at the pain clinic at the hospital this morning. Saw a lovely consultant who talked about the FM and recognised it was REAL and I was in Real pain. NOT imagined!! I'm going to start on a morphine patch to see if that will help the pain. The prospect sounds quite scary,but if it helps then good
Knitting
On the knitting front I've abandoned the next sock so mr lace sock (I know he's a he!! dont ask, I just know!!) is with out a mate. I'll knit her soon. I need to do something different. I've picked up the lace blouse from Beads Buttons and Lace again I only have the left front to do then sew up and knit the collar. Dear Josh spilt some smoothie in my knitting bag ages ago-Thanks!_ I didnt realise just how extensive the damage was until I went to get the lace blouse pieces out. They were glued together with liquidised banana and strawbery!!!
So I think they will be being washed very soon!
I did 2 swatches for a lovely wool/alpaca yarn I got from Jojoland but wont bore you with the pictures.
We've managed to go out for a Chinese meal last night. we took Rachel with us but she's great company and lovely to be out with. josh was out at a party thankfully. Today the kids have a late half term. Just today and tommorrow. So roll on Wednesday!!! i'm a real earth mother arnt I? Not. Mind you Josh has a friend round today and one tommorrow so at least he's occupied but I've missed hydrotherapy today and will miss art tommorrow. ah well.
I've been tying to GL again and loose some weight. I lost 4lb in 2 weeks but seemed to have slowed down again. Must get back into it properly.
Monday, 5 November 2007
S.E.X on the internet!
Yes I've been having lots of fun! but not of the Leslie Grantham type! For non knitterly persons S.E.X is short for 'stash enhancement exercise' i.e I've been buying more sock yarn for my collection. sory to dissapoint you all! LOL
so here it is
s
Alpaca /wool from JoJo land-E-bay. What a bargain 10 balls for £12.50!!! of course there was P&P but all together I paid £21! With the pound being so strong against the dollar you can get some good bargains from over the pond.
Tofutsies from SWTC. I seem to have 2 pics the same here and cant delete one!!
and Panda Cotton/bamboo. I just wanted the colourway. 70's disco. i tried dying one myself but it didnt come out correctly .
On the knitting front, I'm still on the first sock. its taking me along time, although I just have 1/2 " until I decrease for the toe so hopefully It 'll soon be done.
FM
On the FM front I'm no different . dont suppose I ever will be. BUT, I had great fun on Saturday. I went on my 'Aston Martin-aka-scooter! into Manchester city centre for some retail therapy. I went with Rachel and her friend. We went on the Metro. its dead easy on the Metro. You whizz down the ramps and ride onto the disabled space and sit there. Its 2 years or more since I went from one end of town to the other. We even tackled Primark and that takes some doing. Mind you we were there at the end of the day so it was quite empty. I had 8 things in the basket and spent just over £40. You could only get one top in Per Una(M&S) for that!!
i was knackered but had a good shop. I bought a party top and black pants.
Saturday night we had our next door neighbours 40th birthday party. we really enjoyed it. they had erected a markee in the garden and decorated it and lit it. we chatted to people we'd never met before and had a real laugh. its not like me to be relaxed and go up to people I've never met before and just start a conversation! i must be changing in my old age!!about time too!
General stuff
Josh has his phone, only because his other one was well and truly knackered and he needs it as he comes home on the school bus. But he has been warned. its his Chanukah present. Chanukah is around the 5th december this year I think so he was told, thats it and dont moan when you see me give rachel and Sam their Money.
he is driving me bonkers now with ring tones, horrid cartoons that he's down loaded and games on the phone. I hope the novelty wears off soon.
his drums have been silenced for the time being as a neighbour complained. i dont blame them. The bashing was driving me insane too! We're going to buy him some drum pads which will hope fully stop the noise and stop the bass drum reverberating into the neighbours house!
Rachel, Josh and myself have this lovely-not- bug at the moment. Our throats are very sore and I sound like Bonnie Tyler!!! I always wanted a deep, sexy throaty voice!!! but not one that hurts and also squeeks. i soun like Sam when his voice was changing!!!
Tuesday, 30 October 2007
A weekend Away and my new camera
It was our 29th wedding anniversary on 25th October. crickey! Where have 20 years gone? I remeber when we got married saying to Norman 'i wonder what our lives will be like in 10 years. Will we have kids, be in the same house etc?' Well 20 years on we've 3 lovely kids and we're still in the same house, although much extended to accomodate a growing family! I do get maudling and negative at times though and look at how my own helath has deteriorated and what I've put Norman through in those 20 years, especially the last 4!! it always amazes me that he's still here, although he'll go mad if he reads this! but I've seen so many marriages not survive because of mental illness that I'm very grateful that ours has survived. He's still my best friend and soulmate.
He bought me a camera of my own for our anniversary and I bought him a gift voucher for claypigeon shooting and quad biking
Last weekend my parents treated us to a weekend away. We didnt go far. To a DeVere hotel just outside Chester. It was lovely. Posh food, gorgeous surroundings. If you play golf, and we dont, it had the most amazing, huge golf course. we explored the countryside in Cheshire and Wales. I took my scooter (alias Aston Martin!!!) and whizzed up and down the streets of Ruthin. Now norman has always hated the idea of a scooter, but even he admitted that it was much easier than pushing me up steep hills in a wheelchair!!! So I think I've finally won him over!
We ate too much and generally chilled.
Now we're back home! We came back to earth with a crash as Josh had missbehaved for a change and thrown a tantrum at his grandparents and swore at them! he is really wearing us both down at the minute. he's whinging and whining for a new mobile phone. Admitedly his is at the end of its life, but the tantrums and the constant broken record whining. I told him this morning after yet another bout , that he's ruined his chances because of his behaviour. he always doesa this too us, esp me as he knows I break easily. if he wants something he goes on and on and on. he's like a rotweiler with his teeth into something. he eventually wears me down and gets what he's after. But this ttime I've had enough and am digging my heels in!!Pre- teens, whoever invented them. send him down the mines I say!!!
Knitting
well I've given poor lone sock a mate. They are blissfully happy if rather miss matched!!
This is an old Opal colour. Well 12 months and not made any more, but you can still find it on E-bay.
Sock pair number 2 are OTN as we speak. well one is!! They were supposed to be form my next door neighbours 40th on Saturday but as its the first time I've attempted a lace pattern on a sock they are taking me rather longer than I thought. I can knit a plain sock in 5 days. ( I dont knit very quickly).
The yarn is home dyed using Kool Aid- they smell of strawberries! ( and vinegar-but we'll try and ignore that bit!!!) The pattern is from a Patons booklet from America.
I dyed somemore yarn last week. I tried dying silk. Gawd it stunk once wet!!!! it was like the reptile centre at the zoo!!! The silk didnt take the black too well so the skein looks denim. it needs over dying again if I can stand the smell again!
this skein below is one of my favourites yet. As they say practise makes perfect so the more i mess and experiment the better it gets. Dont think I'm ready for an Etsy shop yet though!!
On the FM front;
I'm suffering for my days away! I've missed art class today as I'm too stiff and in too much pain to go. I had a lie in , a very long hot soak, and came on here. I realise dwhen we were away just how much our water bed at home helps. On holiday I woke up so stiff i couldnt get dressed i couldnt reach my feet to get my knick on or my socks and I couldnt manage my bra. I needed help dressing! I've managed today, just about! Something else going down the pan. each time I need help it takes a bit of my independence away. I can understand now why old folks get stuborn about leaving their home to go into a nursing home. its the errosion of independence. I'm rying to maintain as much of my independence as my body will allow...
I'd love some new legs though! I did order long sexy barbie type ones but they've not arrived. must be the postal stikes!
He bought me a camera of my own for our anniversary and I bought him a gift voucher for claypigeon shooting and quad biking
Last weekend my parents treated us to a weekend away. We didnt go far. To a DeVere hotel just outside Chester. It was lovely. Posh food, gorgeous surroundings. If you play golf, and we dont, it had the most amazing, huge golf course. we explored the countryside in Cheshire and Wales. I took my scooter (alias Aston Martin!!!) and whizzed up and down the streets of Ruthin. Now norman has always hated the idea of a scooter, but even he admitted that it was much easier than pushing me up steep hills in a wheelchair!!! So I think I've finally won him over!
We ate too much and generally chilled.
Now we're back home! We came back to earth with a crash as Josh had missbehaved for a change and thrown a tantrum at his grandparents and swore at them! he is really wearing us both down at the minute. he's whinging and whining for a new mobile phone. Admitedly his is at the end of its life, but the tantrums and the constant broken record whining. I told him this morning after yet another bout , that he's ruined his chances because of his behaviour. he always doesa this too us, esp me as he knows I break easily. if he wants something he goes on and on and on. he's like a rotweiler with his teeth into something. he eventually wears me down and gets what he's after. But this ttime I've had enough and am digging my heels in!!Pre- teens, whoever invented them. send him down the mines I say!!!
Knitting
well I've given poor lone sock a mate. They are blissfully happy if rather miss matched!!
This is an old Opal colour. Well 12 months and not made any more, but you can still find it on E-bay.
Sock pair number 2 are OTN as we speak. well one is!! They were supposed to be form my next door neighbours 40th on Saturday but as its the first time I've attempted a lace pattern on a sock they are taking me rather longer than I thought. I can knit a plain sock in 5 days. ( I dont knit very quickly).
The yarn is home dyed using Kool Aid- they smell of strawberries! ( and vinegar-but we'll try and ignore that bit!!!) The pattern is from a Patons booklet from America.
I dyed somemore yarn last week. I tried dying silk. Gawd it stunk once wet!!!! it was like the reptile centre at the zoo!!! The silk didnt take the black too well so the skein looks denim. it needs over dying again if I can stand the smell again!
this skein below is one of my favourites yet. As they say practise makes perfect so the more i mess and experiment the better it gets. Dont think I'm ready for an Etsy shop yet though!!
On the FM front;
I'm suffering for my days away! I've missed art class today as I'm too stiff and in too much pain to go. I had a lie in , a very long hot soak, and came on here. I realise dwhen we were away just how much our water bed at home helps. On holiday I woke up so stiff i couldnt get dressed i couldnt reach my feet to get my knick on or my socks and I couldnt manage my bra. I needed help dressing! I've managed today, just about! Something else going down the pan. each time I need help it takes a bit of my independence away. I can understand now why old folks get stuborn about leaving their home to go into a nursing home. its the errosion of independence. I'm rying to maintain as much of my independence as my body will allow...
I'd love some new legs though! I did order long sexy barbie type ones but they've not arrived. must be the postal stikes!
Monday, 15 October 2007
Socktober! Squishy yumminess and alot of noise!
Knitting
important things first!!! I've finally caught up with Socktober! I've fished out 1 poor lonely sock and decided to give it a mate!
important things first!!! I've finally caught up with Socktober! I've fished out 1 poor lonely sock and decided to give it a mate!
These are 'Fancy Feet' from Knit Today, Oct 06
next a parcel arrived Sat Morning from Violet Greenhttp://violetgreen.co.uk/- (way I think a link may finally have worked!!!)
They are Supersock in colourway Jim and Merino 4-ply in Admiral. Cheered me up immensly. I used my birthday money, although this birthday money does seem to have been spent 4 times over!!!! I had what in yiddish is called a good 'kvetch' or feel translated. MMMM tactile therapy cant beat it!!!!
I've finished Forest Canopy- Hurray! Something actually finished!!Its blocking on my mat on the dining room table. Cinders keeps sleeping on it!!! She seems to love clean washing of any sort but its damp and I keep telling her she'll get a wet botty, but will she take any notice!!!!LOL!
FM
I feel much better and more cheerful today. I think I've finally won Hubby over to me buying a scooter! This happened on Saturday. I went to the local disabled shop to collect some wheelchair gloves I'd ordered. I asked him about scooters and he showed me a second hand one, hardly used, collapsible, perfect for getting out and about. I went back to the car and tried talking to OH but he wasnt having any of it. I ended up in tears frustrated, depressed. I told him to read my blog and see how down I was about being totally reliant on him to go out. I think it has worked as we went back to the shop to try the scooter out . I can have it on the proviso that a taxi will take it and help lift it in and out. I've checked today and they will, also I can use it on the metro. So More freedom for me. I've also been totally frustrated as if I run out of cahs I cant get any and have to wait for Norman to come home from work and go to the cash machine. A few weeks ago the kids raided my purse for dinner money and left me with 20p!!! So if it hadnt of been for the Taxi vouchers I would have been totally house bound that dya. At least if I have the scooter I can tootle to the cash machine. heres hoping
On the pain front things died down last week. But I was home with Josh and his stomach bug! I reduced my pain releif, last night I only took one tablet to help me sleep instead of 2. So I hardly slept am in alot of pain today!!! I've managed to bake a cake, but its totally wiped me out!! I havnt cleared up yet.
General
This is the noise bit! Josh has finally got his drum kit!!! ear plugs at the ready!! its in the garage. The house reverberated all weekend as he did his best Keith Moon impressions!! he had his i-Pod on and bashed away. Crikey its loud.
Now here is a good recipe for disaster!;
take one boy, one drum kit and mix with one mother suffering from FM and noise sensitivity!!!! Yeah great!!! good job I have ear plugs. he can only play up till 7pm cos of the neighbours and at weekends not till after 11am or later if I'm not up. Our bedroom is directly over the garage so I dont need vibrating out of bed!
Happy news. Sam is coming home this weekend. I'm really excited. I chat to him on MSN most nights, but its not the same. I'll have to try and not do my suffocating Jewish mother bit!!'Chuckily, your home. have some chicken soup, you look pale, you're not eating enough! etc, etc-my best Maureen Lipman doing beattie on the telephone ads! of course Sam has an 'ology'!!!
Friday, 12 October 2007
A Visit from Social services and some new books.
The social worker responsible for carers came yesterday. She came to chat to hubby about what they can do to help. We're getting vouchers that we can use for personal care for me, stair and bath rails and Josh is being refered to the young carers so that he can get out on school holidays
I feel very down about it all today. I mean I'm grateful for any help, but accepting it a my age is very hard.
I wish I could just jump on a bus, go to town, have some enjoyable retail therapy and come home! ha, ha!! Not a chance. I'm hoping my walking may improve enough to walk a bit further then I wont be so reliant on people.
Knitting
Ive sorted out with mum to take the seams in on the sewing machine on the huge vest top,
so at least I'll be able to wear the top!!
I bought a couple of books with my birthday money, Twisted sisters sweater book, twisted sisters sock book and a book on lace shawls. I love the sock book. its got some new methods of dying that I havnt tried yet.
Forest Canopy is well on the way to being finished. I'm hoping to get it finished today so I can block it
On the dietary front Rachelmade me a lovely meal last night, pan fried salmon, potato rosti, which I didnt eat, and loads of sitr fry veg. she's going to cook with me at the weekend and leave me some meals for lunches next week. She's a lovely daughter.
Tuesday, 9 October 2007
Very Frustrated!!
I'm starting to feel very fed up. It stemed from last week when the kids were on half term. Rachels fine. She organises herself. But Josh is a different story. He doesnt seem to have any friends yet from school. By Friday he was climbing the walls, really fed up. His feet were hanging out of his trainers. he wanted me to take him to Bury to buy new trainers. I couldnt. I'd need the wheelchair to get around. he wanted to push it but I couldnt risk letting him push me round the shops on his own with no adult supervision. So we stayed in both fed up. I felt very upset .
On Saturday we did the required shopping. But I was totally reliant on Norman to push me round. its absolutely hatefull being in awheelchair. People kept barging into me as they werent looking where they were going. Norman and Josh were upstairs in one shop, I was sat outside as I couldnt get up the stairs. I could've been doing my own little bits while they were in there. But as I was stuck in that bleeding wheelchair I had to wait for them to come down. I really want a scooter but Hubby is really opposed to it for some reason. it'd give me a bit more autonomy. I know they're expensive, but I'm worried about becoming depressed again as I can feel my mood slipping.
my own Wheelchair arrived today which I'm obviously not too happy about. I mean I'm happy I got one free on the NHs, but its just the concept of it.
Knitting
I've sewn this vest up and arrrghhh! its too big. its absolutely huge! so now I dont know what I'm going to do with it. I'm wondering if it'll shrink ina hot washs or whether I can sew larger seams and cut out the extra . But it may unravel that way!
Nothing seems to be going right at the minute. every time I knit something for me its a disaster. Think I'll stick to socks and scarves!!
Diet
On the dietary front I'm not GLing any more. I just couldnt get my head around it at the minute. I'm too reliant on others to cook for me and cant be bothered cooking myself. I've just no motivation. I hate my size so I've asked hubby and Rachel to cook some helthy meals for me . Rachel mis very enthusiastic about it and is planning to make me some soups and casseroles. I've had my Gillian McKeith book out again. I find her very extreme but I'm going to use some of her principles and see if it gets any weight off. also I have to think about my cholesterol and shape. I'm apple shaped, my BMI is over 30 and I have High BP and high cholesterol and a family history of heart disease so If that doesnt make me shift nothing ever will. I dont want to drop dead from a heart attack in 15/20 years time. so its back to basics and fruit and veg.
On Saturday we did the required shopping. But I was totally reliant on Norman to push me round. its absolutely hatefull being in awheelchair. People kept barging into me as they werent looking where they were going. Norman and Josh were upstairs in one shop, I was sat outside as I couldnt get up the stairs. I could've been doing my own little bits while they were in there. But as I was stuck in that bleeding wheelchair I had to wait for them to come down. I really want a scooter but Hubby is really opposed to it for some reason. it'd give me a bit more autonomy. I know they're expensive, but I'm worried about becoming depressed again as I can feel my mood slipping.
my own Wheelchair arrived today which I'm obviously not too happy about. I mean I'm happy I got one free on the NHs, but its just the concept of it.
Knitting
I've sewn this vest up and arrrghhh! its too big. its absolutely huge! so now I dont know what I'm going to do with it. I'm wondering if it'll shrink ina hot washs or whether I can sew larger seams and cut out the extra . But it may unravel that way!
Nothing seems to be going right at the minute. every time I knit something for me its a disaster. Think I'll stick to socks and scarves!!
Diet
On the dietary front I'm not GLing any more. I just couldnt get my head around it at the minute. I'm too reliant on others to cook for me and cant be bothered cooking myself. I've just no motivation. I hate my size so I've asked hubby and Rachel to cook some helthy meals for me . Rachel mis very enthusiastic about it and is planning to make me some soups and casseroles. I've had my Gillian McKeith book out again. I find her very extreme but I'm going to use some of her principles and see if it gets any weight off. also I have to think about my cholesterol and shape. I'm apple shaped, my BMI is over 30 and I have High BP and high cholesterol and a family history of heart disease so If that doesnt make me shift nothing ever will. I dont want to drop dead from a heart attack in 15/20 years time. so its back to basics and fruit and veg.
Wednesday, 3 October 2007
another knitting mess!!!
Knitting
Aggghhh! I've done it again! I'm finishing off my v neck vest and I've managed to knit the neck band across the shoulder shaping. I didnt realise of course until I came to join on the left shoulder. I've tried sewing it over the ribbing but it looks lumpy . So it looks as though I'm going to have to undo the entire neck ribbing! boo.Hoo!!! 130 stitches!!!! who would think that a simple jumper could get in a tangle? I was about to feel very proud that I'd actually finished something and now its gone wrong. Cry! I can feel a sock coming on!! But I mustnt abandon the vest, I want to wear it.
FM
The nurse came on Monday to measure me up for a wheelchair. it may take up to 8 weeks to get it as theres a backlog, but at least the NHS is providing. Its still hard to accept that I need it, but otherwise I'd be virtually housebound.
I was only thinking how my life had changed this morning when I was relaxing in the hydrotherapy pool. The other day mum was talking about her close friend who is very ill. she lives very near to me. I know if I was well and driving I'd be round looking after her. In a way I dont mind being as I am. it takes away the guilt or need to run around after everyone else and neglect myself. which is what I was good at. Mum is unable to get across town to her hospital appt. I felt cross at first that I couldnt help, but now it doesnt bother me. Infact in my art class last week a man took ill. I let others look after him till the ambulance arrived. My nursing days are over. I was surprised at how I've changed . I mean I wont sit back and be looked after, I hate being incapable, but i cant do for others as I once did and I accept it.
The pain is just as bad as ever, I received a letter from the hopspital giving me an appt for a clinic. it doesnt say what clinic so I presume its the pain clinic I've been referred to!!!
I managed 8 baby lenghts today in the pool which is very good. On Monday when I went the warm baby pool was being used for kids polo so I went in the freezing cold adult pool. BIG mistake!!! My legs froze. I could hardly walk and I couldnt walk up the stairs. Norman had to push and haul me up!!!
Cats
Cinders has taken to trying to get my attention when I'm on the computer. she comes up and taps me, meows and eventualy gets up and walks all over the key board and stands in front of the screen. its as if she's trying to stop me going on!!!
She was at the side of the 'pooter before. I'm sure she was looking how to unplug it!!!!
Aggghhh! I've done it again! I'm finishing off my v neck vest and I've managed to knit the neck band across the shoulder shaping. I didnt realise of course until I came to join on the left shoulder. I've tried sewing it over the ribbing but it looks lumpy . So it looks as though I'm going to have to undo the entire neck ribbing! boo.Hoo!!! 130 stitches!!!! who would think that a simple jumper could get in a tangle? I was about to feel very proud that I'd actually finished something and now its gone wrong. Cry! I can feel a sock coming on!! But I mustnt abandon the vest, I want to wear it.
FM
The nurse came on Monday to measure me up for a wheelchair. it may take up to 8 weeks to get it as theres a backlog, but at least the NHS is providing. Its still hard to accept that I need it, but otherwise I'd be virtually housebound.
I was only thinking how my life had changed this morning when I was relaxing in the hydrotherapy pool. The other day mum was talking about her close friend who is very ill. she lives very near to me. I know if I was well and driving I'd be round looking after her. In a way I dont mind being as I am. it takes away the guilt or need to run around after everyone else and neglect myself. which is what I was good at. Mum is unable to get across town to her hospital appt. I felt cross at first that I couldnt help, but now it doesnt bother me. Infact in my art class last week a man took ill. I let others look after him till the ambulance arrived. My nursing days are over. I was surprised at how I've changed . I mean I wont sit back and be looked after, I hate being incapable, but i cant do for others as I once did and I accept it.
The pain is just as bad as ever, I received a letter from the hopspital giving me an appt for a clinic. it doesnt say what clinic so I presume its the pain clinic I've been referred to!!!
I managed 8 baby lenghts today in the pool which is very good. On Monday when I went the warm baby pool was being used for kids polo so I went in the freezing cold adult pool. BIG mistake!!! My legs froze. I could hardly walk and I couldnt walk up the stairs. Norman had to push and haul me up!!!
Cats
Cinders has taken to trying to get my attention when I'm on the computer. she comes up and taps me, meows and eventualy gets up and walks all over the key board and stands in front of the screen. its as if she's trying to stop me going on!!!
She was at the side of the 'pooter before. I'm sure she was looking how to unplug it!!!!
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