HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Wishing everybody who reads this a healthy and happy year ahead.
2007 was a mixed bag for me,
Positive things
My Husband and kids continue to be my rock and give me lots of wonderful things
I'm no longer depressed
I've carried on knitting and created a few nice things
I've made new friends on various forums I go on
I'm more accepting of the FM and have found ways of coping with it.I have a good survivial strategy
This was the year I travelled a long path of psychology and won and was discharged with good coping strategies and a beleif in myself that I can survive and cope in the big wide world.

Negative
FM -I started the year not being able to walk far and with a stick, but it has deteriorated to the point that I now need a scooter or wheelchair when out.
The FM has altered my life style unbeleivably this last year and it would be very easy to sit back and wallow in it all and become depressed.
Josh's behaviour has been a huge trial this year. But we've ridden the storm and usually solved the imediate crisis.
Both sets of parents continue to have deteriorating health, mostly due to old age.
I've fought and lost a huge battle with my eating and weight.

Resolutions for 2008
To be very strict regarding my diet and stop dieting and eat healthily. Ther in lies the key. I have a hypnosis tape which is re-enforcing some positive beleifs and helping me come to realise and acknowledge my unhealthy eating habits. if the weight doesnt come off it will be due to meds and inactivity but there are 16 months to Josh's Barmitzvah so hopefully I can shed some if not all of the 3 stones I need to loose. getting rid of the mind set that I'm on a diet is very important. I'm now going to eat healthily.

I'm going to carry on Knitting. it is marvellous for building self esteem. it helps me cope with pain and it helps my foggy brain.

I'm going to carry on going swimming and hydrotherapy and managing my pain as best as I can.

KNITTING
On the knitting front I'm working on a Colinette Jacket called Stepping stones. its very intricate and has lots of diff stitches so I'm not bored yet. Its made by joining pieces into one to make the whole jacket so as it builds up its getting quite heavy to hold. I have 200 plus stitches OTN so I'm usins a circ. Its starting to hurt my shoulders and hands but I'm not one for giving up.

FM
Why do I keep kiding myself I'm going to be cured and I keep clutching at straws. when I was on the Butrans patches I had fabulous pain releif. So I thought , hey ,great ,now I'm not in pain I can do loads .I'm cured!!!! But the exhaustion hasnt gone away, as I found out!! I became really angry and dissapointed. This made me very grumpy with everyone.
I stopped the patches as I was out to lunch on them. I had no pain for 1 whole week after stopping the patches, again I thought , Fab! The patches have shut off the pain gateways. perhaps my brain has been re-educated and I wont feel the pain in future!! I even managed a 1 and 1/2 hour walk around The Trafford Centre (huge shopping mall). I woke up today stiff, sore and in pain! its back!! I wonder why it is that when I dont feel pain or exhaustion I immediately begin to hope and also question whether it was so bad in the first place!!

Family
Sam came back from Israel all happy happy and in love . he's spent the rest of the time here asleep or on the computer!!! Norman keeps loosing his temper with him. I just let it ride over my head unless I need Sam to help me with something!
Josh is grounded again! I found the missing cigarettes from M-I-L's pack. They were at the bottom of a rolled up car mat inhis wardrobe. He' says they must've fallen out of the pack!! Norman beleives him! I dont. I went to get some matches to light one and force him to smoke it but he backed away and refused. Josh seems to be enjoying his grounding!!! he's a much nicer person and Norman has taken him to a local park today to use his remote car that he bought with his Chanukah money!! he did ask to go to the Pictures but I refused. Grounding means just that, no treats, no money spent on him until we decide his behaviour warrants it.
Rachel is studying hard for her mocks which start on Wednesday. We've had lots of her friends popping up all holiday. I dont mind them being here at all, but she never asks and then wants one of the boys to stay for tea. The boys all have big appetites and I need notice of they're staying for tea. Or she's turned round at 10pm and asked Norman to drive her somewhere!! Just like that which has caused a few arguments.
We have both sets of parents for New years Dinner tommorrow and Wed nesday they're back to school and Sam goes back to Uni!!!
All in al,its been a good holiday. We've had the party which went very well. we've been to the cinema twice and we're going to a friends house tonight to party. Hope I make it to midnight!!

Bye Bye 2007 and lets hope 2008 is a better year.

I am so Pissed off with myself and this bleeping FM!

FM
Of course it has to be FM doesnt it. I think I've got my life maneagable and some teenzy weenzy thing throws it all off kilter. This weeks episode? Hubby was working away for 2 nights. Fine. No problem. There was me, Rachel and Josh. What was there not to be able to manage about it? Well this is what my brain thought, but my body obviously had other ideas. I have a set routine at home which makes me able to manage the pain and exhaustion which involves not doing a great deal. One thing I have discovered is that , apart from being drugged up, I just cant handle early mornings. This is my usual routine;
Hubby wakes me up about 7.30am with a cup of Redbush tea. I surface out of my drugged sleep enough to creek to the loo, about 2 feet as we have an en-suite, and I drink my tea. The kids come in, give me a hug and kiss etc and I fall back asleep after they leave for school.
10.30/11ish am, I re-surface and get up. if I'm going to the gym I get dresed slowly-usually leaving out the socks as I cant reach.If its not a gym day I stay in my jammies a bit longer.
Go down with everything I need for the day so I dont have to climb the stairs again if poss.
Get another brew and breakfast.If Its not a gym day I go for a long hot soak at this point to ease the stiffness and pain.
12.30 usually out of the bath/or 1.45pm usually back from swim and hydropool hopefully loosened up enough to put socks on!!!
2pm-lunch whilst watching 60Min makeover!
I empty dishwasher in bits during intervals. Sit and knit
Put odd wash load in
Go on Computer.
4.30pm Josh gets in from school.I make him a hot drink
5.30pm make Josh his tea cos he's too hungry to wait for us
Rachel gets home from school about 5.30pm
Norman get in around 6.30
he makes tea, washes up, clears up, He takes Josh football training and does the Tesco shop on a Thursday.
I help Josh with his homework,
By 8.30-9pm I'm back in bed again exhausted (i have such a busy day-not!!).
Norman usually shoves Josh in the bath and makes his supper. I shout encouragment from the bedroom!

So Norman dissapeared on business, Rachel was really ill with a nasty flu type virus and out of helping action.All I did was make 2 teas, one for josh which I think was a hot dog and ajacket potato with tuna for me. Not exactly rocket science, I then loaded the dish washer, ran Josh's bath, made his supper which is usually cereal and ahot choc, locked the house up and had us both tucked up in my bed by 9pm.
I got up with my alarm at 7.15am Tues morning, creeked painfully downstairs to make Josh and I a brew and sat with him whilst he got dressed. He loved the undivided attention. After he left for school I went back to bed for 1 hour as Tuesday is art class so I get up at 10am on a Tuesday.
I was given a lift by my friend. Now I needed some birthday cards and some cash. Norman usually deals with these kind of things But as my pal was going to Tesco I decided I'd go in with her, get the cash and the cards and sit and have a sandwhich and coffee whilst she did her shopping. I managed somehow to walk from the car into the supermarket and to the card bit. My legs were seriously giving out on me by this time and I fell into the cafe gratefully. I somehow managed to hobble back to the car. when I got home I collapsed into bed totally drained and hardly able to move. I wasnt up when Josh got home, but I managed to throw some Curry sauce over some chicken breasts for our tea.
Josh decided he was going to build a model out of polystyrene and made a rip roaring mess! he cleared it up under suferance but his idea of clearing up and mine are 2 diff things so I ended up hoovering the kitchen, then I for some reason flicked round the lounge. of course my body gave out again. it was dustbin night so I got Josh to put the bin out as there was no way i could manage and with Rachel out of action it was hopeless.
I slept badly and fell out of bed Wed am to wake Josh up. I was so exhausted I went back to bed. Norman got home at 10am and I wanted to be bright and breezy and greet him with a smile. Instead this miswerable, exhausted wreck greeted him.
I have been so angry and frustrated with myself all week. it took 2 days of being virtually in bed to regain a modicum of strenght back.
I feel better today, only because last night Norman said something unintentionally to me and I took it the wrong way and started crying so at least I could vent my anger and dissapointment at myself and how useless I feel.
I'm also beginning to feel the lack of daylight and am worrying incase I get depressed. I have been a bit down lately and have no desire for a visit from 'the black dog' thank you very much which is why I am sat here writing my tombe With the SAD lamp on.
I seriously need to fill some thought sheets in from my CBT sessions and get things into perspective.

The dietary front
I've lost control again. I dont know if its the cold weather or my mood or boredom but I've been pgging chocolate again and put wight on. With this in mind I bought a hypnosis CD and have been using it religiously every day to help the vravings. The first 3 days were murder and I had the urge to raid the chocs again, but I resisted. I'm not worrying about eating smaller prtions just yet. One thing at a time. Once the cravings are under control and I can look at a choc bar and imagine it as apile of dog pooh I'll worry about reducing portion sizes and getting properly back to GLing again! I'm very pleased with myself as I've done very well the last 4 days. I've had 3 meals and any snacks have been fruit or a handful of nuts so onward and downwards as far as the weight is concerned.

WE're having a Party!!!
For the first time in 4 years I'm entertaining again!!!! Because of the FM and depression I've literally not had a friend in the house for this long. I'm really excited. Mind you I'm hardly doing a Fanny Cradock. I've asked all our gueast to bring a dish with. Its not quite a 'pot luck' supper as most guests have asked what to bring so I've co-ordinated it. if I had to cater I wouldnt actually be at the party, I'd be in bed.I have cooked half a salmon and will be cooking some pizzas and party bites tommorrow!! Not quite up to my old standards but its a start. As we've been off the social map for so long we've asked all our friends from ages past so about 28 of us plus kids will be partying!!! its one night I'm not going to diet.

Well if anyone actually reads this and is still awake at this point I wish you all a Happy Holiday.

Banana Scarf

Here is the scarf i made from the banana fibre yarn I got from Harrogate Knitting and Stitching show the other week. its a heavy fibre but has softened up by hand washing. It is actually warm to wear. Note the beautifully drapped scarf around the banana!!! Good job Hubby is the photographer not me!!

A slightly Fraught week!

Gawd what a week its been especially with Josh. Now theres a surprise! This time he's gone even further. last Sunday we did the rounds of the grandparents. When we got home there was a message from M-I-L to ring. A pack of cigarettes had gone missing from her cupboard! Josh, is a consumate lyer so when he looked me straight in the eye and said he didnt take them, would never do that as footballers cant smoke, I didnt beleive him. In the last half term a box of matches had gone missing which he denied any knowledge of. We found loads of spent matches outside. Him and his friend had bought sweet cigarettes and had been trying to light them.
I searched his room, schoolbag anywhere I could think of and found nothing. Tuesday morning Josh woke up and came out onto the landing talking about the place smelling of stale smoke!!!
'Hmmm, like those you stole from grandma' came my reply. 'Oh no I never took them' said Mr lyer again. Something twigged in Normans brain. He remembered that after we questioned Josh last Sunday he'd found him on his window ledge apparently shutting his window, which was closed anyway! norman went outside and low and behold found the pack of cigarettes thrown at the side of the decking.
The air was blue. I just burst into tears. As they were leaving for school we had to wait to deal with him later. Norman was horribly calm when it came to dealing with him. I wasnt!!! it was just the final straw in a string of lying, taking little things like sweets from Rachel, being constantly devious. apparently, and I still dont beleive Josh, he took them as he didnt want grandma to die from cancer. very plausible as my mum lives with cancer and 2 people very close to her have just died within the space of 3 weeks from it. he's constantly asking me how you get it, how its diagnosed, can kids get it etc. But I just dont beleive him some how over this issue. he's in with a very naughty crowd of kids and has been taking a keen interest in smoking and drinking lately.-Non of us smoke only M-I-L and normans brother but I know once his curiosity is roused he just goes and does whatever he likes with no thought to the consequences.
He ended up grounded indefinitely, which will probably mean 2 weeks as theres no way he's being grounded over the school hols!!!! he drove me mad yesterday as it is. I think it was all attention seeking. The last few weeks we'd been coming down on him hard about his homework and behaviour at school and trying to get him more independent, getting his own supper and drinks. But it always backfires. The minute he perceives me to be drawing away in any shape or form he does something negative to get attention.
today I spoke to my pal and found out something else. Josh has been going to a youth group at a local Synagogue. apparently the kids he's with are revolting. Josh got told off last week by my friends daughter -16- who works there and he told her to Piss off!!! Charming. I sometimes despair. How awful it is to have a child who's known for being a horror. he's had 2 detentions at school in the last 2 weeks fro messing about. he answered a teacher back last week. We never, ever had anything remotely like this with Sam and Rachel. Heylp!!!

Sam came home Tuesday in true student style!!! It was funny and irritating at the same time. wed he got up at 1.30pm and sat on the computer and did nothing to help me. Thursday was the same and he fell into bed at 5am! Friday I lost my temper with him. I need help around the house. he knows that. he's only been away 1 term. I was chatting to a friend today who said, much as you love them and want them home its murder as they're used to doing their own thing and dont fit in with your house rules any more. Plus sam and Josh have killed each other the last 5 days. Anyway Sam has departed to Israel for 9 days to see his girlfriend who is studying there for a gap year.So today has been quiet!!!!

Chanukah and Birthday pressies!

We are in the midst of Chanukah, which lasts for 8 days. We give smallish presents although giving presents at Chanukah is not a tradition. Most (not all of course) Jewish people living in England today are descended from people who fled the Pogroms in Eastern Europe at the turn of the last Century. My own families came from Belarus and Poland. I think once the families became 'Westernised' they started giving presents as Chanukah as usually is at a similar time to Xmas.
Anyway we dont go mad and spend hundreds. I got 'More Brain Training' for DS Which I'd asked for as I've turned into Winnie the Pooh!! A bear of little brain!!! This Fibromyalgia adles the brain and is well documented. I think I'm going senile half the time!!
We gave the kids money except Josh who already had a mobile phone and had been told weeks ago that that was his present.
I bought the kids bits to open as Rachel loves opening a parcel!And Josh was thrilled with his Lynx shower gel and deodorant spray!
A few weeks ago I spent my birthday gift voucher from Get Knitted- And got a pair of sock blockers and some Knit Picks Options






FM
On the FM front its been mixed. Fabulous pain releif from 10 micrograms of Butrans Patches. BUT I've been like a zombie. I've been so drowsy and I've not been able to look at the computer screen or Tv for more than 10 mins then my brain has conked out. I've been lying in a dark room with my head banging. Yesterday was the last straw. We went visiting the Grandparents. After 20 mins I wanted to sleep and could hardlty converse. I've not been like this since The illness and depression first flared up 4 years ago. So last night I decided enough was enough. Luckily the GP had given me the wrong prescription for 5 micrograms so I was wearing 2 patches. I took one off and we'll see what happens.
Considering my mind is haywire, I'm going throuhg a not sleeping phase and I've been aching badly so I was in a very hot bath at 4am Sunday morning and 2 am this morning! Hey ho!
Knitting
On the knitting front I've finished my banana scarf. Its washed, blocked and dried and actually now feels very nice. it still smells a bit so another wash should do it. Dont know how warm it is yet though! I've cast on yet another project. That must be 7 by now!! its my Collinette jacket I bought 18 months ago !!! Its highly detailed so its for when my brain is working , HA<>
General
Sam is home tommorrow for 4 days before he flies to Israel to see his girlfriend. He's so excited. he's not seen her since October. Wish I could have a week on the sun!
We've decided to make a xmas eve party. it was going to be New Year but my friend pipped us to it. Its going to be a pot luck supper. I.e. I've asked everybody to bring a dish with them. If I catered I'd not be at the party!!! I'd be waving from my bed exhausted. We've not had anybody in the house for 4 years so I'm really looking forward to it. Gosh when I think how life has changed. I used to always make dinner parties and if I say so myself I was quite reknowned for making a good do! And we always had a busy social life. Now if we go out once a month its alot!!! Saturday night we ended up with a takeaway

Joshua is getting ruder by the minute. The stuff he comes out with! He doesnt care who he says it infront of including the grandparents. He's obsessed with sex! The trouble is Norman laughs at him so he carries on and gets a reaction. I try and ignore him and just tell him off when he gets carried away. But it is very funny behind his back what that kid doesnt know! When we were at the grandparents yesterday I went on dads computer to search for soemthing for mum. I looked back through the history and found searches for porn, people having sex and bare ladies breasts!!!! These were not my dads searches! The little bugger had been on his grandparents computer looking at rude sites. needless to say mum and dad are getting a child blocker like ours!!!!

Rachel is wonderful as ever. She's studying really hard. Baked a wonderful choc fudge cake to die for- I think my GLing is out of the window right now!!!

The Amazing Growing vest Top!

This is the top I knitted for myself in Sirdar Sorrento, a discontinued yarn with cotton. Despite the correct tension it came out Huge. My Mum took the seams in 4 " But it still continues to grow!!! I've hot washed it, tumble dryed it and it still hasnt shrunk!!!! It was supposed to be a deep V neck top to go over my pull on jeans! its unwearable. I've started another one in Wool! lets hope this works out!!!The photo doesnt show the top off too well. its denim looking. ah well!!!

here is the just cast on version

And here is the scarf that I am knitting from the Banana yarn I got in Harrogate. its very unforgiving and heavy so we'll see how it goes. it needs a few more feet and blocking.

FM

on the fm front I'm not doing too badly! For the first time in 3 years I have the best pain releif ever in these 10 microgram Morphine patches. On Friday My cleaner let me down again and I managed to clean the whole of downstairs!!! AMAZING! normally its polish on eroom one day, hoover the next, mop the next etc. I couldnt beleive it and decided I might even be cured!!!! Oh ho,ho!!! I got overexcited. Saturday I managed a small walk around a bit of Asda. Sunday we needed to clean upstairs and iron. so Full of great intentions in my newly 'cured' state I rose up and started helping Josh tidy his pigstye-oh sorry- bedroom! My legs then gave in and so did my energy. AH well. Just goes to show that even with all the therapy, CBt, etc, knowing how to pace, knwoing I'll never be ffree of the FM I still fall into the trap.! Luckily I have the most wonderful hubby and he cleaned all of upstairs and did all the ironong!! he then declared he'd had alovely restful day at home!!! Seriously. This is because , as the only driver, he has to usually on a Sunday , do the bagel run, take Josh to football, ferry Rachel to this friend and that and Band Practise and goodness only knows what else. he never set foot in the car on Sunday and thouroughly enjoyed it. So did I too! I never see him.

Thursday was dry so I tootled off on my scooter into Bury town centre for a Chanukah shop. it was great fun apart from the lack of kerbs coming home from the Metrolink! I had to haul the scooter up a few of them. You dont realise until you're disabled just how bad the kerbs are.

still I went out on my own.

General musing bits.

talking of not seeing people. Rachel seems to have disappeared lately. Since she got Sams old 'pooter in her bedroom she lives upstairs. The difference between her and Sam is that I know she is really studying hard for her G.C.S.E's and not playing games!Sunday, she was in the bath when I woke up, then she went straight into her bedroom. Dunno where I was when she made herself food. Finally at 6pm I walked into her bedroom realising I'd not seen her all day, to give her a hug and say hello!!!! I miss her not being around and miss her lively chatter. But at least she is working

Josh on the other hand... Oh boy!! he's been better than last week when he was up for sale. This week the homework situation has improved slightly, but he's still refusing to do it until 9pm when he's shattered and should be in bed, so he's producing this scrappy mess. We're trying to train him to get his homework done early then he can play, but its hard work getting it to sink in. we had the same with Sam who just wanted to play computer games all night . its drawing a fine line between parenting and letting them take the concequences for not doing homework. Josh is still very immature so he needs directing. Though he's very fickle. he's now collecting some more football cards and wants the album to put them in so he's promised to do all his homework and clean his room thisss week. he probably will too. Then when he's got what he wants we'll be back to the old shouting and screaming.

Sam had his first illness away from home. he phoned us last Sunday night saying he's been throwing up and didnt know what to do. And no it wasnt drink induced. he was shivering too so I reckon he had a bug. of course , bad mother that I am., I forgot to send him off with Calpol, plasters etc, just incase. So he had no Calpol in. he cant swallow tabs. (I've never heard the end of it from my mother! Fancy not sending a first aid box with him) I reassured him and told him to rest, drink plenty and ride it out. Of course my kids dont take after their mother at all-HA<>

Lots of fun at Harrogate-Picture Heavy

On Saturday I went to the Knitting and Stitching show at Harrogate.

Norman and the kids drove me up. The weather was attrocious and visibility on the M62 over the pennines was nil, but you still get the idiots racing and coming up close behind you. I shut my eyes or carried on knitting my sock!

When we finally arrived at the venue Norman went to unload my scooter and asked me where the key was......deadly silence.....AAAGGGHHH! I'd left the key in my handbag at home!!!!!!

I had no choice but to walk. Do you know, I managed!!!! I cant beleive I walked for 1 and 1/2 hours around the exhibition! mind you as I was between medicatons I was fortified by 10 Micrograms of Morphine plus my Tramadol!!!!

I bought loads of stuff; here it is;

Army coloured yarn for a jumper for Josh or me. Its was £5 per 500g skein-pure wool! Dunno what ply but it feels 4 ply or DK and I have 1800M for £10

A tube for holding DPN's whilst you are knitting a sock, which stops the stitches falling off the needles in transit,plus some more DPN's. A girl can never hve too many.

The sock is one I cast on last week in Panda Cotton-very 70's

An Indigo dye kit from DT Craft and Design

dtcraftanddesign.co.uk

This book caught my eye after I saw it reviewed in KnitNow. I got it signed by the author.

Some Bee strippy sock yarn for OH who has a passion for honey!!? and I found some small stitch markers for small needles. I'm fed up of loosing big stitch markers on my lace.

Finally my fave. Some Banana Fibre Yarn! I love the sheen so will make a scarf with it.

phew! my coffers are empty now!!!!

I have more goodies to post that arrived last week but will wait for another post!!!

FM

On the pain front I'm doing alot better. I've had the patches increased to 10 microgrammes and its really helping. But my skin is sore and my nerves feel alive under my skin especially around my eyes. AH well we cant have everything!

The Pain Patch Non Event!

I dragged myself, complete with migraine, to the Doctors on Tuesday to get my prescription for the pain patches. My dad went to the Chemists with prescription. Great I thought, I can start the pain releif today ! When dad eventually re-appeared from the chemists nearly an hour later, the doc had given the wrong instructions on the prescription so I couldnt get the patches! how annoying. Apparently he was issuing anew prescription and they would pick it up and I'd have them Wednesday.
Wednesday arrived, I tried phoning the chemists. I kept getting the fax machine. I was tearing my hair out! My neighbour took me up to the chemists on our way to swimming. I asked why they'd only given the fax number on the tablet labels! they didnt have the prescription but would get it Thursday and deliver. Grrrrrr! Thursday came. By 5pm no medication delivered. I phoned, The delivery lady was on her way. 5.45, no pain releif. I phoned again! They hadnt picked the prescriptiton up yet as the'd been waiting for the doctor to confirm he'd isued it!!!! I was getting crosser and crosser! So apparently Today I should get the pain patches, Finally. I'll go beserk if I dont.
its so frustrating. If I could drive I could go and pick the prescription up myself and get the patches, but I'm stuck. Gosh its infuriating.!

Think I need to go and do some more knitting and calm down!!!LOL

Pain Clinic

Had an assessment at the pain clinic at the hospital this morning. Saw a lovely consultant who talked about the FM and recognised it was REAL and I was in Real pain. NOT imagined!! I'm going to start on a morphine patch to see if that will help the pain. The prospect sounds quite scary,but if it helps then good

Knitting

On the knitting front I've abandoned the next sock so mr lace sock (I know he's a he!! dont ask, I just know!!) is with out a mate. I'll knit her soon. I need to do something different. I've picked up the lace blouse from Beads Buttons and Lace again I only have the left front to do then sew up and knit the collar. Dear Josh spilt some smoothie in my knitting bag ages ago-Thanks!_ I didnt realise just how extensive the damage was until I went to get the lace blouse pieces out. They were glued together with liquidised banana and strawbery!!!

So I think they will be being washed very soon!

I did 2 swatches for a lovely wool/alpaca yarn I got from Jojoland but wont bore you with the pictures.

We've managed to go out for a Chinese meal last night. we took Rachel with us but she's great company and lovely to be out with. josh was out at a party thankfully. Today the kids have a late half term. Just today and tommorrow. So roll on Wednesday!!! i'm a real earth mother arnt I? Not. Mind you Josh has a friend round today and one tommorrow so at least he's occupied but I've missed hydrotherapy today and will miss art tommorrow. ah well.

I've been tying to GL again and loose some weight. I lost 4lb in 2 weeks but seemed to have slowed down again. Must get back into it properly.

S.E.X on the internet!

Yes I've been having lots of fun! but not of the Leslie Grantham type! For non knitterly persons S.E.X is short for 'stash enhancement exercise' i.e I've been buying more sock yarn for my collection. sory to dissapoint you all! LOL

so here it is

s

Alpaca /wool from JoJo land-E-bay. What a bargain 10 balls for £12.50!!! of course there was P&P but all together I paid £21! With the pound being so strong against the dollar you can get some good bargains from over the pond.

Tofutsies from SWTC. I seem to have 2 pics the same here and cant delete one!!

and Panda Cotton/bamboo. I just wanted the colourway. 70's disco. i tried dying one myself but it didnt come out correctly .

On the knitting front, I'm still on the first sock. its taking me along time, although I just have 1/2 " until I decrease for the toe so hopefully It 'll soon be done.

FM

On the FM front I'm no different . dont suppose I ever will be. BUT, I had great fun on Saturday. I went on my 'Aston Martin-aka-scooter! into Manchester city centre for some retail therapy. I went with Rachel and her friend. We went on the Metro. its dead easy on the Metro. You whizz down the ramps and ride onto the disabled space and sit there. Its 2 years or more since I went from one end of town to the other. We even tackled Primark and that takes some doing. Mind you we were there at the end of the day so it was quite empty. I had 8 things in the basket and spent just over £40. You could only get one top in Per Una(M&S) for that!!

i was knackered but had a good shop. I bought a party top and black pants.

Saturday night we had our next door neighbours 40th birthday party. we really enjoyed it. they had erected a markee in the garden and decorated it and lit it. we chatted to people we'd never met before and had a real laugh. its not like me to be relaxed and go up to people I've never met before and just start a conversation! i must be changing in my old age!!about time too!

General stuff

Josh has his phone, only because his other one was well and truly knackered and he needs it as he comes home on the school bus. But he has been warned. its his Chanukah present. Chanukah is around the 5th december this year I think so he was told, thats it and dont moan when you see me give rachel and Sam their Money.

he is driving me bonkers now with ring tones, horrid cartoons that he's down loaded and games on the phone. I hope the novelty wears off soon.

his drums have been silenced for the time being as a neighbour complained. i dont blame them. The bashing was driving me insane too! We're going to buy him some drum pads which will hope fully stop the noise and stop the bass drum reverberating into the neighbours house!

Rachel, Josh and myself have this lovely-not- bug at the moment. Our throats are very sore and I sound like Bonnie Tyler!!! I always wanted a deep, sexy throaty voice!!! but not one that hurts and also squeeks. i soun like Sam when his voice was changing!!!

A weekend Away and my new camera

It was our 29th wedding anniversary on 25th October. crickey! Where have 20 years gone? I remeber when we got married saying to Norman 'i wonder what our lives will be like in 10 years. Will we have kids, be in the same house etc?' Well 20 years on we've 3 lovely kids and we're still in the same house, although much extended to accomodate a growing family! I do get maudling and negative at times though and look at how my own helath has deteriorated and what I've put Norman through in those 20 years, especially the last 4!! it always amazes me that he's still here, although he'll go mad if he reads this! but I've seen so many marriages not survive because of mental illness that I'm very grateful that ours has survived. He's still my best friend and soulmate.

He bought me a camera of my own for our anniversary and I bought him a gift voucher for claypigeon shooting and quad biking

Last weekend my parents treated us to a weekend away. We didnt go far. To a DeVere hotel just outside Chester. It was lovely. Posh food, gorgeous surroundings. If you play golf, and we dont, it had the most amazing, huge golf course. we explored the countryside in Cheshire and Wales. I took my scooter (alias Aston Martin!!!) and whizzed up and down the streets of Ruthin. Now norman has always hated the idea of a scooter, but even he admitted that it was much easier than pushing me up steep hills in a wheelchair!!! So I think I've finally won him over!
We ate too much and generally chilled.
Now we're back home! We came back to earth with a crash as Josh had missbehaved for a change and thrown a tantrum at his grandparents and swore at them! he is really wearing us both down at the minute. he's whinging and whining for a new mobile phone. Admitedly his is at the end of its life, but the tantrums and the constant broken record whining. I told him this morning after yet another bout , that he's ruined his chances because of his behaviour. he always doesa this too us, esp me as he knows I break easily. if he wants something he goes on and on and on. he's like a rotweiler with his teeth into something. he eventually wears me down and gets what he's after. But this ttime I've had enough and am digging my heels in!!Pre- teens, whoever invented them. send him down the mines I say!!!


Knitting

well I've given poor lone sock a mate. They are blissfully happy if rather miss matched!!





This is an old Opal colour. Well 12 months and not made any more, but you can still find it on E-bay.

Sock pair number 2 are OTN as we speak. well one is!! They were supposed to be form my next door neighbours 40th on Saturday but as its the first time I've attempted a lace pattern on a sock they are taking me rather longer than I thought. I can knit a plain sock in 5 days. ( I dont knit very quickly).





The yarn is home dyed using Kool Aid- they smell of strawberries! ( and vinegar-but we'll try and ignore that bit!!!) The pattern is from a Patons booklet from America.

I dyed somemore yarn last week. I tried dying silk. Gawd it stunk once wet!!!! it was like the reptile centre at the zoo!!! The silk didnt take the black too well so the skein looks denim. it needs over dying again if I can stand the smell again!

this skein below is one of my favourites yet. As they say practise makes perfect so the more i mess and experiment the better it gets. Dont think I'm ready for an Etsy shop yet though!!



On the FM front;
I'm suffering for my days away! I've missed art class today as I'm too stiff and in too much pain to go. I had a lie in , a very long hot soak, and came on here. I realise dwhen we were away just how much our water bed at home helps. On holiday I woke up so stiff i couldnt get dressed i couldnt reach my feet to get my knick on or my socks and I couldnt manage my bra. I needed help dressing! I've managed today, just about! Something else going down the pan. each time I need help it takes a bit of my independence away. I can understand now why old folks get stuborn about leaving their home to go into a nursing home. its the errosion of independence. I'm rying to maintain as much of my independence as my body will allow...
I'd love some new legs though! I did order long sexy barbie type ones but they've not arrived. must be the postal stikes!

Socktober! Squishy yumminess and alot of noise!

Knitting
important things first!!! I've finally caught up with Socktober! I've fished out 1 poor lonely sock and decided to give it a mate!

These are 'Fancy Feet' from Knit Today, Oct 06

next a parcel arrived Sat Morning from Violet Greenhttp://violetgreen.co.uk/- (way I think a link may finally have worked!!!)

They are Supersock in colourway Jim and Merino 4-ply in Admiral. Cheered me up immensly. I used my birthday money, although this birthday money does seem to have been spent 4 times over!!!! I had what in yiddish is called a good 'kvetch' or feel translated. MMMM tactile therapy cant beat it!!!!

I've finished Forest Canopy- Hurray! Something actually finished!!Its blocking on my mat on the dining room table. Cinders keeps sleeping on it!!! She seems to love clean washing of any sort but its damp and I keep telling her she'll get a wet botty, but will she take any notice!!!!LOL!

FM

I feel much better and more cheerful today. I think I've finally won Hubby over to me buying a scooter! This happened on Saturday. I went to the local disabled shop to collect some wheelchair gloves I'd ordered. I asked him about scooters and he showed me a second hand one, hardly used, collapsible, perfect for getting out and about. I went back to the car and tried talking to OH but he wasnt having any of it. I ended up in tears frustrated, depressed. I told him to read my blog and see how down I was about being totally reliant on him to go out. I think it has worked as we went back to the shop to try the scooter out . I can have it on the proviso that a taxi will take it and help lift it in and out. I've checked today and they will, also I can use it on the metro. So More freedom for me. I've also been totally frustrated as if I run out of cahs I cant get any and have to wait for Norman to come home from work and go to the cash machine. A few weeks ago the kids raided my purse for dinner money and left me with 20p!!! So if it hadnt of been for the Taxi vouchers I would have been totally house bound that dya. At least if I have the scooter I can tootle to the cash machine. heres hoping

On the pain front things died down last week. But I was home with Josh and his stomach bug! I reduced my pain releif, last night I only took one tablet to help me sleep instead of 2. So I hardly slept am in alot of pain today!!! I've managed to bake a cake, but its totally wiped me out!! I havnt cleared up yet.

General

This is the noise bit! Josh has finally got his drum kit!!! ear plugs at the ready!! its in the garage. The house reverberated all weekend as he did his best Keith Moon impressions!! he had his i-Pod on and bashed away. Crikey its loud.

Now here is a good recipe for disaster!;

take one boy, one drum kit and mix with one mother suffering from FM and noise sensitivity!!!! Yeah great!!! good job I have ear plugs. he can only play up till 7pm cos of the neighbours and at weekends not till after 11am or later if I'm not up. Our bedroom is directly over the garage so I dont need vibrating out of bed!

Happy news. Sam is coming home this weekend. I'm really excited. I chat to him on MSN most nights, but its not the same. I'll have to try and not do my suffocating Jewish mother bit!!'Chuckily, your home. have some chicken soup, you look pale, you're not eating enough! etc, etc-my best Maureen Lipman doing beattie on the telephone ads! of course Sam has an 'ology'!!!

A Visit from Social services and some new books.

The social worker responsible for carers came yesterday. She came to chat to hubby about what they can do to help. We're getting vouchers that we can use for personal care for me, stair and bath rails and Josh is being refered to the young carers so that he can get out on school holidays

I feel very down about it all today. I mean I'm grateful for any help, but accepting it a my age is very hard.

I wish I could just jump on a bus, go to town, have some enjoyable retail therapy and come home! ha, ha!! Not a chance. I'm hoping my walking may improve enough to walk a bit further then I wont be so reliant on people.

Knitting

Ive sorted out with mum to take the seams in on the sewing machine on the huge vest top,

so at least I'll be able to wear the top!!

I bought a couple of books with my birthday money, Twisted sisters sweater book, twisted sisters sock book and a book on lace shawls. I love the sock book. its got some new methods of dying that I havnt tried yet.

Forest Canopy is well on the way to being finished. I'm hoping to get it finished today so I can block it

On the dietary front Rachelmade me a lovely meal last night, pan fried salmon, potato rosti, which I didnt eat, and loads of sitr fry veg. she's going to cook with me at the weekend and leave me some meals for lunches next week. She's a lovely daughter.

Very Frustrated!!

I'm starting to feel very fed up. It stemed from last week when the kids were on half term. Rachels fine. She organises herself. But Josh is a different story. He doesnt seem to have any friends yet from school. By Friday he was climbing the walls, really fed up. His feet were hanging out of his trainers. he wanted me to take him to Bury to buy new trainers. I couldnt. I'd need the wheelchair to get around. he wanted to push it but I couldnt risk letting him push me round the shops on his own with no adult supervision. So we stayed in both fed up. I felt very upset .
On Saturday we did the required shopping. But I was totally reliant on Norman to push me round. its absolutely hatefull being in awheelchair. People kept barging into me as they werent looking where they were going. Norman and Josh were upstairs in one shop, I was sat outside as I couldnt get up the stairs. I could've been doing my own little bits while they were in there. But as I was stuck in that bleeding wheelchair I had to wait for them to come down. I really want a scooter but Hubby is really opposed to it for some reason. it'd give me a bit more autonomy. I know they're expensive, but I'm worried about becoming depressed again as I can feel my mood slipping.
my own Wheelchair arrived today which I'm obviously not too happy about. I mean I'm happy I got one free on the NHs, but its just the concept of it.

Knitting

I've sewn this vest up and arrrghhh! its too big. its absolutely huge! so now I dont know what I'm going to do with it. I'm wondering if it'll shrink ina hot washs or whether I can sew larger seams and cut out the extra . But it may unravel that way!
Nothing seems to be going right at the minute. every time I knit something for me its a disaster. Think I'll stick to socks and scarves!!

Diet

On the dietary front I'm not GLing any more. I just couldnt get my head around it at the minute. I'm too reliant on others to cook for me and cant be bothered cooking myself. I've just no motivation. I hate my size so I've asked hubby and Rachel to cook some helthy meals for me . Rachel mis very enthusiastic about it and is planning to make me some soups and casseroles. I've had my Gillian McKeith book out again. I find her very extreme but I'm going to use some of her principles and see if it gets any weight off. also I have to think about my cholesterol and shape. I'm apple shaped, my BMI is over 30 and I have High BP and high cholesterol and a family history of heart disease so If that doesnt make me shift nothing ever will. I dont want to drop dead from a heart attack in 15/20 years time. so its back to basics and fruit and veg.

another knitting mess!!!

Knitting

Aggghhh! I've done it again! I'm finishing off my v neck vest and I've managed to knit the neck band across the shoulder shaping. I didnt realise of course until I came to join on the left shoulder. I've tried sewing it over the ribbing but it looks lumpy . So it looks as though I'm going to have to undo the entire neck ribbing! boo.Hoo!!! 130 stitches!!!! who would think that a simple jumper could get in a tangle? I was about to feel very proud that I'd actually finished something and now its gone wrong. Cry! I can feel a sock coming on!! But I mustnt abandon the vest, I want to wear it.

FM
The nurse came on Monday to measure me up for a wheelchair. it may take up to 8 weeks to get it as theres a backlog, but at least the NHS is providing. Its still hard to accept that I need it, but otherwise I'd be virtually housebound.
I was only thinking how my life had changed this morning when I was relaxing in the hydrotherapy pool. The other day mum was talking about her close friend who is very ill. she lives very near to me. I know if I was well and driving I'd be round looking after her. In a way I dont mind being as I am. it takes away the guilt or need to run around after everyone else and neglect myself. which is what I was good at. Mum is unable to get across town to her hospital appt. I felt cross at first that I couldnt help, but now it doesnt bother me. Infact in my art class last week a man took ill. I let others look after him till the ambulance arrived. My nursing days are over. I was surprised at how I've changed . I mean I wont sit back and be looked after, I hate being incapable, but i cant do for others as I once did and I accept it.

The pain is just as bad as ever, I received a letter from the hopspital giving me an appt for a clinic. it doesnt say what clinic so I presume its the pain clinic I've been referred to!!!
I managed 8 baby lenghts today in the pool which is very good. On Monday when I went the warm baby pool was being used for kids polo so I went in the freezing cold adult pool. BIG mistake!!! My legs froze. I could hardly walk and I couldnt walk up the stairs. Norman had to push and haul me up!!!

Cats

Cinders has taken to trying to get my attention when I'm on the computer. she comes up and taps me, meows and eventualy gets up and walks all over the key board and stands in front of the screen. its as if she's trying to stop me going on!!!
She was at the side of the 'pooter before. I'm sure she was looking how to unplug it!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

Happy birthday to me, happy birhtday to me, happy birthday to meeeeeeeee, happy birthday to me!!!!!LOL
Incase you didnt guess today is my birthday. I've had a good day. In the way of pressies I got some money, bath stuff and I asked for vouchers for GetKnitted.com but they havnt arrived yet. Sam says there is a parcel on its way to me, plus one from little Sis in Canada, plus I ordered 2 knitting books with my money so I'm awaiting Mr Postie with excitement this week!!!
tonight we went out for an Indian meal which was lovely. Earleir in the day hubby and I took Sam back to Uni. He's been home for 4 days. it was lovely having him home amndmade the Jewish hols seem like a proper family time.
Rachel made me a bonkers card with a picture of me and Bono on the front (in my dreams!!!) The verses and silly phrases she put inside were hilarious. she definitely cheered me up!!!

Knitting
I'm spending too much time on Ravellry to actually Knit!!! Though I'm on the way to finishing my v neck top. About time I finished something. I'm good at casting on!!!!

FM

I went with hubby and Rach to a shopping centre the other day. I managed to walk into Boots, up 2 isles and then Just about into George and had to turn back and go to the car. I've definitely deteriorated since this last flare up. More hard work is ahead to try and get me back up to reasonable level. But this hasnt happened since 2006! I've just gone down hill since Aug '06.
Today I woke up and felt quite down for a while. Its my b/day and yet it was the same old thing. I woke up stiff and in pain. Hubby had to go and get my cereal so I could take my pain killers as he always does every morning. But then Rachel came in with the mad card and made me laugh so I cheered up again!
I went with to Leeds, via Ikea. my disabled parking badge is coming in handy. we had to hire a wheelchair to go round. Tommorrow there is a lady coming to assess me for my own wheelchair. I want a top of the pange-Porche type model!!!!!

GL On the GL front I'm not bothering at the mo. I'm just trying (jewish hols excepted) to try and eat sensibly. Tonight I had a poppadum and then a veg Dansack so it was veg with lentils, no rice, no chips, a tiny bit of Naan.

RAVELLRY-I'M IN!!!!!!!

Yeeehaaa! my invite came last week. I've been soooo engrosed I've not had time for anything else.!! I still havnt put anything in my own file, I've been too busy oggling everybody elses lace and socks and dyed yarns!!!
Now to my own knitting up dates.
Camisole from Beads Buttons and Lace is bering frogged as we meet and is going to be turned into The Edward from Magknits- will see if this link actually works. They dont usually!!!!
I have been making a mess of my lace so I decided to follow the advice of my fellow Angels at the Angel Yarn forum and go back to bsics. I'm doing the Forest Canopy. I'm loving it. I found some Lana Grossa MegaSocks sokc yarn in my stash and I'm away. it knits really quickly. its taken me 4 days to get up to the final pattern repeat before I cast off!!!!


I've also been dying some yarns with Koolaid. I wanted to see if I could get pastel shades with them. it worked quite well Me thinks!!












This is my last purchase from WoolyWorkshophref="http://www.woollyworkshop.co.uk/">


Its Cherry tree Hill Apple Blossom. In Merino and Possum. its a special colourway from a competition. I liked the Possum bit and was keen to try it. Plus it was in the sale.

My V neck tank is amlost finished


I'm not sure the photo is clear.
phew I've been busy, but loving every minute of it!!!!

Family news
Sam left last Sunday for Uni. I do miss him terribly. I know you have to cut the apron strings and let them go, but its really hard! We went up to see him on Wednesday. he's only at Leeds. its 50 mins away. Infact it takes less time to get there than if he's been at manchester uni on the other side of town!!

Friday night and Saturday was Yom Kippur, another Jewish holiday. its a 25 hour fast . I'm not allowed to fast thankfully because of all my meds. I was never very good at it anyway!
yesterday we put up our Succah,Ready for yet another jewish Holiday of Succoth. You have to live in what is basically a shed without a roof. its to demonstrate your trust in God . Ours is a 3 walled chip board creation by Hubby which sits on the back of our house like a cheap conservatory!!!!! We dont live in a Jewish area and the first year we put it up the neighbours were intrigued. One of them wasnt to sure if I was being serious or not when I said it was our new conservatory and was up to stay!!! You're supposed to live in the Succah for 8 days. but we just eat our meals there although Hubby and the kids did sleep out in it one night. it dpepns upon the weather. So this week will be yet more eating asnd More food as we do the equivalent of Xmas day and boxing day again!!!! No wonder I'm not loosing any weight!!!

Josh's High school career has got off to a flying start and he's not surprised us by getting 5 detention points!!! he only needs 1 more to get a detention. he's been in school 3 weeks!!!! mind you they give them out for breathing in class!!!! he got one for Farting in class!!!! I couldnt get cross infact I burst out laughing!!! he wore this detention point like a badge of honour!!!!

Jewish New Year

We've just celebrated Rosh Hashannah, the Jewish New Year and what a hectic time its been again. Our New Year is not like the British get pissed and throw up on the pavement type of new Year. it is a time for reflection and asking God for forgivness for all your sins during the year. Mine make a very long list!!! particularly when it comes to breaking Jewish laws!!!!Complicated. I managed to get to the Synagogue one day as the kids pushed me in the wheel chair. That was an unpleasant experience, being pushed up and down streets. There were some steep hills that I had to get out and walk coz the kids couldnt push me!!! the pavements are uneven. What a nightmare. We ate 5 family big dinners in all and then it was straight into the Sabbath Friday night, but luckily We were invited out for dinner Friday night.I'm bursting with chicken soup and chicken dinners!!!!
In years gone by I used to feed the 5,000. having guests for every meal, but those days are gone and just my parents came for lunch Friday.
This weekend sees the fast Yom Kippur, a very solemn day for repenting. I cant fast because of all the meds I take. I would get very severe with drawal if I didnt take them for 24 hours. I wont be going to the Synagogue either as I'm not allowed to be pushed in the wheelchair. Complicated jewish laws!!!!!

Sam has just in the last 15 mins left for Uni-Boo, Hoo,!! I dont feel tearful! Theres a revelation. I couldnt go with as theres no room in the car but he's home Friday anyway for Yom Kippur so I'm going back with him next Sunday to see his accomodation and the Uni etc. I think he's releived that I didnt go with incase I cried and showed him up!!LOL

Fibromyalgia
I cant find the colour changer ! its dissapeared. anyway I am having a very serious set back. I knew I would. I've really overdone things big style. I am totally wiped out. that is why I've not managed to blog for so long. I am in terrible pain and my legs wont take my weight . I can hardly walk. I've been in bed alot sleeping feeling very tearful and overwhelemd and vulnerable. i've been upset about a few things. One was the fact that whilst Michelle was over from Canada we never all got together to eat like indays of old. In the past when she came home we all ate at mum and dads or my house. This time my parents didnt eat with us once and Mich and the kids ate there a few times and I was releived to have breathing space. The fact that I havnt been able to entertain over the Jewish holidays and walk to the synagogue has upset me. its at times like these that I realise just how drastically my life has changed from this disability. And people still beleive its a made up illness, all in your head!!!! I'd like them to live in my body for 24 hrs and see how 'made up' it is!!!
Apparently its been national Fibro awareness week? Afraid its passed me by in a fug of pain and exhaustion.
I live from hour to hour from when its time for my pain releif to the next time. I wake up in the morning feeling like I've done 10 rounds with Mohammed Ali and it gets me down.

Knitting
One of my few joys in life. There hasnt been too much lately. My left arm has been very weak and aching so I've had to knit in fits and starts. I'm working on the front of my V neck top and also Talias lace blankie . I'm trying out the heart pattern which seems to be going better than the crest of the waves pattern!!! I'll try and photo some piccies and put them up.
I still cant work out how to uypload buttons to my blog!! Grrrr.

GLing
Ho Hum. I've given up with all the celebrations lately. i keep trying but failing miserably. I dont know quite what to do at the minute. I'm not in the right frame of mind to tackle my weight seriously but I dont want to get any fatter.

Cats
Naughty Cinders tried to piddle in my hat box yesterday!!!! I left the huge hat box out with the hat and tissue paper in it on my bedroom floor. Cinders went in it, started to rip up the tissue paper and Josh caught her trying to squat in the hat box!! she got ejected rather quickly.

Family Musings

Josh started High school on Monday. He seems to be very excited and happy at present with it all. he's plaguing big sis by following her around! I think the novelty of having a big sister in year 11 will wear off pretty soon. he gets the school bus home and crosses the main road by himself. very grown up. So far he's done his homework ewnthusiastically! We shall see how long that lasts!
As said Rachel strated year 11. How time flies. she's settled in very quickly. probably because its just an extention of last year.
We'er busy sorting out pots pans and bedding etc for Sams move to uni on 16 th, sniff wail!!! My big boy. There'll be a family trip up to Leeds on that Sunday to settle him in his halls and see him off. he doesnt want me to go incase I cry and hug him infront of his flatmates!!!! As If ....

FM
I am still totally knackered and in pain. The only good thing is that I'm sleeping longer at night so I dont need pain releif in the night so that I have an extra dose for daytime if that makes sense. I know what I mean!!
CATS
The other day I actually managed to walk to the corner shop and back-TA, DA!!! Sox followed me a good part of the way, incase my legs buckled and I needed him to prop me up LOL!!! he sat waiting for me and meowed at me as I was coming down the street. he then , silly boy, rolled over in the road for a tummy tickle! and followed me home. Its so long since I've made it the 60 or so yards to the corner shop, it really was as though he was following me to see if I was allright!

Knitting
Not too much happening. I'm still knitting 'blankie mark 2 for my neice . I'm using it to practise my lace patterns and not correcting the mistakes so it looks..er..interesting to say the least!!
I really want to do some socks but I MUST finish all these UFO's first.

Phew! A Hectic 2 weeks!

I feel like I've been run over by a bus! What a hectic time its been. Firstly hosting the extra visitors. A mixed view here. I loved seeing my sister, neice and nephew, but I'm not used to the noise of little ones any more and I'm sensitive to noise these days with the FM. A great combination!!! Plus I hadnt figured on the rest of my family being so un generous! I was brought up in an open house, anyone could be fed , watered or housed at a minutes notice so I carried this on until I became ill 4 years ago. Then we became very insular. I couldnt stand noise, I couldnt cope with the extra cooking and I didnt have the energy to make conversation with people. The kids are more used to this than the old me feeding the 5, 000! Rachel gave me constant earache because the visitors were in her room. She was kicked out for 2 weeks. She keeps her room spotless and very tidy, unusual for a 15 year old! and she couldnt stand the mess of 3 extra people. But the worst was Josh! he was an embarrasment. He took exception to Zak who is 9, a lovely sweet kid but a bit goofy and prone to doing daft things. partly it was jealousy with Josh. he's the youngest, he hasnt had to share his grandparents for years . We unfortunately dont see alot of Hubby's brother and family,(Not for want of trying on our part-we gave up) so he's not used to cousins being around. As I said we've been very insular for years. But it came out of him eventually that he didnt like his cousin because he thought all the extra work was making me ill, (which was true, but I was trying and often failing to hide it). so he took exception to their presence. He's like a lioness around her cubs where I'm concerned and deeply protective. It wasnt too bad when we were in St. Annes , but once we got home he was murder and actually reduced me to tears twice because of his selfishness. he refused to share any toys, the computer etc. so life when we were in the house was one long battle of shouting, arguing and me sending him to his room. The rest of the time he chewed my ear off about my guests-'the'yre using it just like their own home'_ moan, moan. That is the idea, I replied.

On to the positive stuff. 4 days in a lovely hotel by the sea. 3 parties for mum and dads golden wedding and one for Sams 18th, though that was combined with one of mum and dads so there were still 3 parties!Phew! food and more food.

Fibromyalgia
I'm totally exhausted. my back is in agony. I've really suffered these last 2 weeks. Partly it was a concious decision. I knew it was going to be a hectic time and that I would over do it and suffer later. some times you have to make these decisions. The bit that upset me and everyone else was using a wheelchair to get around outside. it was fab in the sense that I could actually participate in outdoor social activities, but it was heartbreaking all the same. I was mixed in St Annes. I was very tired and stiff and in pain as the bed was like a brick, plus there was a different routine. I managed a few hours on the beach. One day I couldnt move I was so bad. that was the day the rest of the gang went to Blackpool Pleasure beach. In a way I was glad to be leftin peace and quiet. The kids brought me some breakfast to the room. I slept. Then I managed to hobble to the cafe in the hotewl for a sandwich for lunch and even made it across the road to the gardens on the front where I sat next to an elderly lady , did my knitting and nattered to her for a while. The 2 celebrations for Mum and Dad were hectic especially the one we had at our house which was also sams 18th party, but a friend made the fingers, we bought the deserts , so I supervised the setting up of everything. I did suffer in the week and Michelle and her 2 went out one day and left us and the next day she took her kids and Josh to the science museum. I couldnt have even sat in the wheelchair to be pushed round I was so knackered. Fri I really pushed myself as it was the last day and went for a pizza and bowling. I even managed 4 rounds of bowling before my body gave out! That was a business. when it was my turn I hobbled onto the bowling are with my stick, Josh carried the bowling ball and we swapped at the edge of the lane!! Then I handed over the rest of my games to the kids! I won !!! Amazing what you can acheive by not doing very much!!!LOL. My back is total agony dunno what I've done.

GL diet
Oh dear, am I still doing this? Oppps! I started out very well, being careful at the hotel, no deserts etc but it went down hill with each meal and each party we had so I think I'd better restart!!!

knitting
Not alot of activity I'm afaraid. I finished the back of the vest top and cast on the front. I managed to tink the lace that I did wrong but havnt tried again. my neice who is 6 has a beloved 'Blankie' which is worse for wear . it is pink and white and did have a lace pattern to it . Now it looks rather holey and tatered. I'm going to knit it a background so my sis can sew the tattered remains to it. I thought I'd try out my lace pattern on it and use it as a trial run so I dont keep needing to tink my shawl.

Oh dear