Lace Socks finished

KNITTINg

finally I've finished my lace socks in homedyed sock yarn. I think the yarn is Trekking XXL although it could be Violet Green Socrates! I cant remember. Dyed with koolAid.

I much prefer dying with acid dyes as you get better colours but I'm also going to try Cake food dyes as they come in a large range of colours adn I know whenever I've iced a cake my hands are always beautifully dyed and it wont wash out!!

here are some photos of the socks

I started some more socks. These are Bee striped socks for hubby. They're this colourway because he has a thing about honey!!

I decided to do some yarn dying last week which I havnt done for ages. I really enjoyed myself messing about. I love experimenting seeing how the various effects are going to turn out. I didnt have a plan for any psecific colours. I thought I'd see what jumped out at me. Instead of dying one half one colour and the other half another colour so it knits up striped, I threw the colours on randomly. The balck is lace weight merino from Violet Green and the other is sock yarn also from violet gree, unfortunately I cant rmember if its supersock or merino!!! The lace yarn didnt work out as well as I'd have liked. The black dye took over. I find this. I've not learnt to control black dye yet properly. still its given me the bug to carry on.

Lace weight merino

Sock weight

I got some colinette Jiterbug sockyarn. They had an offer on when they re-launched their website with 25% off. How can a girl resist!

FM

its been a very difficult few weeks with Passover. But thankfully its now over! Thank god!! I've spent alot of time in bed with no energy what so ever. I feel like a boiled lettuce leaf most of the time! The pain is there again but not as agonising since the patches. but I'm not able to do very much at the mo. still hopefully it will calm down now a bit.

Thankfully my mood is really perky which is good considering! Onwards and upwards.

I've sent my DLA appeal off. It took me 4 days to type my appeal letter out so we shall see what happens. if they actually beleive I have FM and how badly it affects my life. I wish they'd have been here on Saturday when I was so weak I couldnt get into hubby's Freelander and I couldnt get up the stairs at home. I kind of crawlde on all fours with hubby shoving me from behind! very undignified.

Making choices

FM



Its been a difficult and exhausting week and if I'd let it, I could really have got very down about all the choices I've had to make. its really hilighted just how much I cant manage any more with this blasted FM.




Its pre Passover week. always hectic in anyones schedule with all the cleaning. the premise being that as the hebrew slaves fled Egypt and didnt have time to let their bread rise , so we're not allowed to eat anything levened. I.e cakes, bread etc but also we're not allowed to own anything levened . so a great house clean begins to search for and obliterate any living crumb. I've had my cleaner doing most of it, but the kitchen is such a huge job. we've had to empty and clean every single cupboard. Now we also have to have special pots and pans that hve never touched a crumb of leavened stuff. They all had to be got out from their home 11 months of the year and the kitchen cupboards emptied and the Passover pots, pans and crockery put in their place. A mammoth task. On top of all that there was baking to do and the special passover meal a Seder ,



Phew!!! So it really hit home. Do I go swimming or clean a cupboard? Teusday I went out to lunch with my next door neighbour, then for a massage. These things are far more important to me! But it put my schedule miles behind. after that I had to do what was necessary and its absolutely floored me.



If you've ever heard of The Spoon Theory- . This was written by someone who has Lupus to try and explain to people how those of us with invisible illness's have to make choices. I.e you are given so many spoons a day, say 12, which are like units of energy, you then have to decide how to use them up in a day. I.E to get up, to get dressed, to go for a swim etc. Once you've used all 12 up for the day you've had it and have to go to bed. All I can say is I've used my 12 spoons up and more. I've spent most of the weekend in bed surfacing for half the Seder one night and I managed all of it last night. Which has spoilt things really.



The kids are off school for passover. but Josh only has one friend at home. All the others have gone to Israel for passover. That is my ambition. When I win the Lottery. to go to Israel fro Passover. no cleaning, no killing myself, just Sun, a beach and a hotel thats kosher for Passover , that does everything for you. Bliss. Trouble is it'd cost about 3 grand to do it!



I've asked hubby to take a day off if he can and take Josh out. I cant do anything with him at all.







KNITTING



I'm still knitting the lace sock. With being so exhausted I've hardly managed to do much knitting. I bought More BIg Girls Knits- Which has some lovely patterns in it. and I like the fact that my size is usually the smallest instead of the biggest!!



I've won something!!! A blogger freind Bearium picked me to win a knitted bag for her Blogiversary!! I never win anything so I'm quite chuffed.







My dear online pal Leigh has given me an award



So I'm very delighted to receive it.

Rachels Rock Debut

No photos this week knitty or otherwise! its either feast or famine!
KNITTING

1)I'm carrying on with my secret mission which is nearly finished. photos after the recipients birthday and then you'll all go, 'is that it?', not worth all the secrecy!!!
2)I'm also finishing a mate for another lone sock as part of the Angel Yarns forum Sockalong Sockathon!
3)I've managed to finally unravel the yarn from my dreadful top faux pas last summer. The yarn has been skeined and washed and is ready to be wound back into balls. But it still looks kinky to me as in not straight!-not kninky peverted!!!
I want to start some 2 at a time socks but I'm trying to finish whats on the needles first.

FM
I'm not so bad at the mo which after the last 3 weeks is good! I saw my rheumy on Wednesday expecting him to discharge me as they cant do anything fro FM really, but instead he ordered more blood tests, involving an hours wait outside the vampires door, and I've to see him in 2 months when he gets the results. He also recommended I increase the pain patch to 1o micrgrams which knocked me flat last time, but is O.K now. My body has obviously go used to the lower level .
I've been refused the higher rate mobility DLA, but been awarded the lower rate for care and mibility indefinitely. I've asked for an appeal from but am not sure whether to meddle or not now that I've got an indefinite award.
I'm as usuall frustrated as I should be cleaning the kitchen ready for Passover, but I keep having to amke choices. yesterday Josh sprang afternoon tea on me so thats where all my energy went. Today I've been swimming , the ironing is mounting up so its either ironing or cleaning out a cupboard! Strangely enough I chose to come on here
THE SHOE SAGA
LAst week I managed to get into Manchester with Rachel. she had a sweet 16th birthday ball and had borrowed a dress and wanted strappy shoes. Well we went from one end of town to the other then back again also looking at evening dresses.!! it was getting late, she was in a strop, it was all my fault we were late!! Finally, at the 11th hour,she bought some nice strappy black shoes. Got home, decided nobody was dressing up in a ball gown so wore a dress she already had! Then she took the new shoes with her in a bag and came home saying nobody had worn high heels, she hadnt worn the shoes , didnt like them and I could take them back!GRRRR its at this point that you could cheerfully strangle them isnt it!
On Saturday I went into Bury to take the shoes to another branch of the shop. When I got their they refused to take them and said I had to go into MAnchester! Atthis point I was ready to wrap the blasted shoes around Rachels neck! Anyway I phoned up the Manchester store, explained I was disabled and they promised to refund the money as soon as I could get there. On Sunday Hubby and RAchel went and took them back. All because she had to have apair of shoes no matter what!

RAchels BAnd debut
Tuesday night was Battle of the BAnds comp at RAchels school. SHe's been playing bass guitar in this band for 2 years on and off so I was looking forward to seeing her play live. On the night I was exhausted and was trying to shake off a migraine. The last thing I wanted to do was go to school and listen to 5-6 bands twanging and screeching, But I'm so glad I went. each band had to play 3-4 songs. One had to be written by themselves and one had to be a cover song.The other song was whatever. One of the judges was some rock star from a 90's group who has his own recording studio and the first prize was a day in his studio making a record.
All the bands were good in their own way. But when Rachels band came on all her year went wild!! Rachel was the only girl in the show and one of the few bassists. Alot of the kids had 2 guitars but no bass!!! They did 3 of their own songs which were very good and then finished with Kaiser Cheifs I predict a Riot. It was fab, The whole school was up singing and rocking and yelling 'Go Rachel'!!! The only thing that let them down was the lead singer. he wasnt too good. Theyd wante dRachel to sing but she was too shy but I think she regretted it later. The comments were that they had the best Rythemn section of any band but they didnt win becuase of the singing. But everybody, including the school music teachers and the judges said Rach was marvelous and should find herself a good band!! Our own SuzieQuatro!!! We were so proud of her. My neice and S-I-L came and they were crying with pride!!

Josh turns 12
On saturday he took his girlfriend to the pictures to see Son of ranbow! it was hilarious watching him bath and preen and straighten his hair and load himself up with aftershave!!! His birthday was yesterday and he's asked for extra money rather than a party. Fine by me!! he'd wanted a sleep over. No way!! we gave him £20 extra pounds which is far cheeper than a party or trip to the pictures would have cost and much less hastle!! yesterday morning he asked his grandparents to come for afternoon tea . I though it was lovely that on his birthday he wants to be surounded by his grandparents. It meant extra work for me but Rach helped. we had bagels and buns ,a choc cake and a birthday cake. All bought I hasten to add. The days of me making impromptu cakes are gone!! he got lots of money and wants a Wii or PS2 so hubby and I have decided the deal is. he brings home a daily report sheet from school every day till July and if he has excellent remarks all day everyday, at the end of the school year he can buy his Wii or whatever. We didnt really want him to have a playstation but if it means he behaves himself in school we will cave in.
Rachel bought him some new aftershave. well he gassed us out yesterday. he stunk!! In a nice way, but we couldnt breath. I think he had his Lynx on too!!! its really hilarious seeing as though you couldnt get Sam to wash at his age and we still nag him to use deodorant! he hates aftershaves!!! arnt kids funny?

Its Finished!!!

Knitting

i've finished my Stepping Stones jacket finally

here is my size 0 sylph like body modelling it!!!

I have been being very wicked again and buying yarn. so here are lots of photos.

Debbie Bliss Pure Cashmere. A huge saving in the sale at Stash of Chester. Think I'm going to knit a Koolhaus hat in this if its the right yarn.

This is cash/silk lace weight from Vixx at Wildfibres Etsy. to be used of a Branching out scarf

This is pure wool for an amazing £1 per ball. from New Lanark Mill. Its for a surprise so news of it when its knitted up and the recipient has received it.

Now Some W.I.P's

V- Neck vest top in Rowan Pure wool. hopefully this one will hold its shape!!!

CATS PAW LACE Scarf. tHE CATS IT SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE ITS RUN IN A STARIGHT LINE! bUT MY CAT HAS SPLODGED ACROSS THE SCArf

And finally, I forgot I bought some Laceweight Merino Seacell from Hipknits sale. I also had a money off code so I got it for £7.

ITS EITHER FEAST OR FAMINE IN THE PHOTO DEPT! THAT WILL PROBABLY BE IT for weeks now!!!!

FIbromyalgi

Things arent too good on the FM front for a change!!! I was struggling very badly with the exhaustion and for the past 2 weeks the pain has been creeping up as well. I think I've over done it as yesterday was hell. I went to art class came home and went to bed. I felt like I had flu' My skin was and still is sore to touch, I ached and burned all over and I was just totally exhausted. I think this is a flare as over the weekend hubby did more decorating. He did behind the bookcase so it was over and done with and we wouldnt have to empty or move it again. he unusually for him, he's a perfectionist when it comes to decorating, only did the top bits that you see! Good job we're not planning on moving!! its like painting round the piano!!! I helped empty the books and china and stuff from the cabinets. Well I managed 5 trips to the kitchen and that was me done. Josh did the rest! Then Monday I spent the whole day on and off putting the books back whilst Sam filled the china cupboards . This is what did me in. I've been so sore I havnt found a place to lie in bed! My hips are murder so I find lying on my sides painful, my heels are burning and painful so lying on my back hurts! I tried my front, but then my knees and feet hurt!! And this is in a waterbed so good job it wasnt an ordinary matress! I've just rested the last 3 days. Its all I can do. No swimming, no outings on my scooter. I've just stayed in, been on the computer till my shoulders and neck fire up, knitted a bit till my hands and shoulders fire up and then given up and rested on the bed!!I still made myself get dressed in soft clothes, trackies. coz shlouching around in PJ's reminds me of when I was severely depressed and I aint going down that road ever again!!!

anyway I feel much more cheered up today. I'm sat here typing, listening to U2-my fave album of the mo is their greatest Hits 1990-2000. A mix of most of my fave tracks.

I've made contact with more FM sufferers via the Angel Yarns Forum so have been PM'ing merrily!and my dear friend Chezza whom I met via the Stitchlinks forum posted me a little pressie which arrived yesterday and cheered me up greatly. just a note book and pen from a nearby animal sanctuary, but it wouldnt have mattered if it was a pack of chewing gum. It just the thought that counts and the surprise esp when one is feeling down.

FAmily
On the home front. Sam is coming to the end of his home visit. I'm really going to miss him. he's been such a help to me whilst I've been bad. At first he drove me bonkers as he was in typical student mode, going to bed at 3am, falling out of bed at 1pm and lounging around on the computer till 4pm when he decided to get showered and dressed!! But every day hes' emptied the dishwasher for me and yesterday he went up to the local shops and post office on some errands for me which was a great help.
Hubby will miss being woken up by doors slamming at 3am!!! Sam hasnt learnt to close doors quietly yet!!!
In the house we're preparing for the most hated festival in the Jewish calender Passover. Luckily the cleaner is doing most of the cleaning. I just cant manage it any more although I did manage to wash the paintwork on the landing on Sunday. thats my whole contribution!! I've just ordered loads of minced fish to make gefilte fish and fried fish(BTW the photos on Wiki are discusting!!). Next comes the butchers! Then the rest of the Passover shopping. Its so expensive. They purposely put prices up. You have to buy the food with a special rabbinic seal saying the food is kosher for Passover and they bang the prices up coz they've got you. The food over Passover is gross! You have to eat unleavened bread so the great Rabis of old came up not with pitta bread or chappatti style BREAd. But Matzah! cardboard that doesnt fill you up and constipates you!!! Ah well these things are sent to try us. What I do know for sure is I will put weight on as its all sugar and eggs and potatos.
Right I'm off to knit

As Per Usual, I've cocked it up!

Knitting
referring to the Stepping Stones jacket of course! I had it all sewed up, washed and drying with just the ends to weave in and then it needed pressing. But I had trouble getting the sleeves sewn in. The armholes seemed much bigger thatn the sleeve circumference and the edging was pulling all around the jacket. so I decided , why spoil the ship for a ha'poth of tar. I undid the sleeves and re-measured. For some reason one sleeve was 3 inches too shprt! Then I read the instructions(This always helps!) I should've not sewn up the last 2 1/2 " so that they couild go round the armhole shaping. Doh!!! So I've knitted my 3 extra inches of sleeve, re-done the picot edging, re-sewed it up leaving the gap and ran out of embroidery yarn. tried to sew up in the chenille which is imposible so I've abandoned ot for a few days!!
I always seem to mess up my knitting and I dont seem to like it once its done. I went shopping yeaterday and bought the sewing up thread so I'll pick it up tommorrow and carry on. But then I have to undoe the whole edging which is curling and re-sew it at the right tension! Grrr its so frustrating.
I've been doing some perfectly plain ,mindless knitting, my V-neck tank top. This time in Rowan 4-ply whci is knitting as DK tension for some reason. Must be my knitting. No photos. My batteries have gone.

FM
Gawd I feel so USELESS! I just think I've adjusted to this level of exhaustion and inactivity and whamo! Something happens and I hate it and my situation all over again. So whats irritated me this time? Nothing earthshatering, We've been trying to decorate our lounge and dinning room for about 3 years. cant imagine why its not happened yet! something to do with me being ill, hubby being cheif cook and bottle washer plus only childs taxi driver. he never has time. He fitted a new fire last May and the chimney breast has been half bare ever since! This weekend, as we dont obviuosly celebrate Easter, has been designated 'Decorate the chimney breast and carry on with as much of the room as possible' weekend! So Friday we started stripping the wallpaper. I helped. HA, HA! 'helped'. ten whole minutes of pulling off wallpaper and then my body went. legs, energy , the lot!!! I was so pissed off with it all. Hubby wanted to go to B&Q and buy some stuff. Now if I drove and had energy I could've done it. It just gets me so frustrated as he's a one-man band. We cant afford a decorator so its going to take months of him decorating inbetween ferrying Josh to football, Rach to band practise etc. Sams home and we did request him to help, he managed a bit longer than me, but it was like an 8 years old'Aw do I have too?'
Yesterday I did go shopping into Bury with Rachel on the hunt for bras. We didnt really have too much success but I managed to buy a top and cardi in New Look and Rachel managed to do me out of alot of money on an outfit and makeup!!! My legs were so bad, weak and painful. Obvioulsy I went shopping on my trusty scooter. We went to our fave coffee shop and had cinamon toast and coffee. naughty me! I saw my Mum and Dad in the distance so RAchel ran after them and brought them back to the coffee shop which was nice. Even better, when we got up to go Dad offered to pay for our afternoon tea.
The fibrofog has been really troublesome lately. Last week I couldnt even remember the name of the microwave and was pointing to 'that thing that heats food up'! Also, incase you hadnt noticed spelling seems to be eluding me lately. I just look blankly at words. Something else I've noticed is that I ofetn cant make sense of accents like I used to esp when watching telly. I was watching this new American series..'Dirty, sexy Money and they spoke so fast I couldnt catch it. it just made me exhausted so I gave up.
We have a wedding to go to tonight and I'll have to steel myself for not being annoyed when I cant join in and dance. My legs are so bad today,plus my hips have been locking. When I got out of bed this morning my right knee gave way and a pain shot up my left heel so I was trying to hop about like a Thunderbird puppet singing the Thunderbirds theme. Good job I've a sense of humour!!!

Diet
I did 3 weeks of Slimfast and guess what? I lost exactely....Zilch!!!! I put 1lb on!!! of course this is the much lamented medication balssing thing up. I feel very frustrated by it all. I was only musing about it all on the GL forum I go on. The inital weight gain was obviousely my fault as I comfort ate whilst seriously depressed. BUT my lack of loosing weight now is because of my meds and inability to be very active. I feel as though people are looking at me thinking 'yuk. what a blob'. I feel like wearing a t-shirt with 'I'm only this size because of my meds' printed on it!!! its really disheartening. I've decided to stick to GL as a damage limitaition exercise so that I dont gain any weight. I only have to deviate slightly to gain an lb and then it wont shift. I'll just have to be a wobbly blob for Josh's barmitzvah.

HOmelife
On the home front. Sam is back for a couple of weeks. its lovely having him here but it makes me realise just how independent he is now and is his own man. We cant boss him about the same. having said that I did think he might want to help his Dad decorate, but then he's always been a bit lazy!!
Josh has yet another temp and bug. Poor lad. he was supposed to be going to the pictures with his girlfriend yesterday!! We find this hilarious that our self proclaimed 'babe magnet' has a girlfriend at the age of nearly 12! he was most put out yesterday that he had to cancel and was worried incase she finished with him! ah! Apparently at school, rachel says, he follows his young lady around like a lost sheep!! There has been much use of hair gel , Lynx and aftershave lately!!!

Finally.. an F.O!!!

KNITTING

YAY! Finally! its only taken me till MArch and I've finally finished something! My Panda socks

The yarn is Panda Cotton. I loved the 70's style colourway. The yarn is lovely and soft and stretchy BUT My negatives are; It splits as I've found most cottons do and there was barely enough on each ball of yarn for 1 size 5 (English) sock. I had to sew up in black yarn and I really could've done with an extra 1/2 inch in the foot. Still they're lovely and cozy.

Stepping stones is washed and drying ready for pressing. BUT I've noticed ,1, I've sewn 1 sleeve on inside out!!!and the edging band is frilling so I think I' m going to have to undoe the edging and re sew it ! How irritating. The patern did say slightly stretch the band as you sew it on. I've done it the other way round and stretched the jacket!!! I set out with good ideas and always seem to mess them up somehow.

One of my future projects is 2 at a time socks so I bought a couple of books to learn from.

and here is the Kureyon sock yarn I bought a few weeks ago.

I love these colours.

I've cast on a lace scarf- Cats PAws and am doing my vest top for mindless knitting. Hope fully, as this one is in pure wool it wont expand at the alarming rate the Sirdar one did!!!

FM

The exhaustion has been bothering me the last few weeks which means I've not been able to do much. The exhaustion was emotionally linked as we had 3 rough weeks . No prizes for guessing which small nearly 12 year old was responsible for most of it.!

I went to the pain clinic last week and was surprised that he wants to see me again in 3 months. I thought I'd be discharged this time as the patches are working so thats good.

Theres nothing worse that feeling like a boiled dishcloth and just lying there all feeble and 'Victorian 'like! Think I was having the 'vapours'!! I kept chastising myself and saying pull yourself togehter. Most people handle huge emotional strains and dont run out of physical energy. What I have discovered is that since the severe depression I have a coping mechanism now for emotional stress. I seem to switch off. I remain calm becuase I'm totally detached and not taking it all in. But then after a while my brain litterally switches off. Like if your computer freezes and then shuts down. I have to lie in a dark, quiet room and sleep.

I was reading The Rose Of Sebastopol about a Victorian woman and how they didnt cope with any stress and it reminded me of me. Must remember to loosen my stays!!!

The cleaner was ill on Thursday and didnt show. I cleaned 1/2 the kitchen and spent the rest of the day in bed and then Friday I dusted the lounge and the same thing happened. really annoying. Mind you I think I also had a bug as I did feel poorly and my temp was up a bit. That always wiped me out. Saturday I stayed in my PJ's all day and lounged around. that is not like me. since the depression the one thing I always do , even if nothing ele, is get dressed as being in my PJ's all day reminds me of that time.

Oh boy the Fibrofog has def been taking hold this past few eeks. I keep forgetting the nsme of household objects . I couldnt remember the microwave a few days ago. I'm going ' Put your food on .... er.... Whats that thing called (Pointing to Microwave!). I've forgotten so much lately. it must all be tied into stress and the bug. or I'm going doolally!!!!

Home front

Well I'm not going to discuss the reasons for the emotional turmoil here other thatn to say 2 lots involved Josh and 1 lot Sam all following on from each other in 3 weeks.

Josh is hopefully being sorted out at school now. We met with his head of year and he's on a daily report for his behaviour but its focusing on positive things. His behaviour seems to be improving we hope!! I realised that the cause for this disruptive behaviour is the fact that he hasnt made the transiton to high school. Instead of being timid and quiet as I would be if overwhelmed, he's gone the other way and become wild and uncontrolable. His junior school is in the same campus as the high school and he still goes back to see his year 6 teacher at lunch time. She was lovely. very strict, but very motherly and he adored her. he hasnt cut the ties. He doesnt like the big impersonal nature of high school he wants the attention of the one to one at junior school and he's getting the attention negatively. Hopefully things will turn around now. he also still has 'issues' with me and my illness which he's going to gt councelling for.

Rachel got 2 awards at the Prize giving at school . One was for whats known in hebrew as Midot. This translates as character traits. Midot can be positive or negative. Rachel got her award for basically being a lovely person. please God by Joshua!!! She also got one for C.D.T. But its the Midot one I'm most proud of.
At Home Rach is shedding her 'unusually perfect for a teenager ' guise and turning into a 16 year old!!! Mind you she's up to her eyes in G.C.S.E course work, especially art. her art exam is tommorrow and Thursday. The REAl one! eeek!!!! Her art teacher has finally praised her work. Rach was getting rather hacked off with the constant criticism. I think her art is fab, but then I'm totally unbiased!!! HA, hA!!

Last week Josh was quite poorly. he had a flu' type illness with a really hight temp of 40 (104). he kept going bakc to bed which isnt like him. I must have had it too only milder which is why I was so exhausted.

Back to normal this week. Both kids at school. Ours arent off these 2 weeks as Passover doesnt coincide with Easter this year due to a jewish leap year so my lot arnt off till end of April. Sam has finished Uni for 1 month but isnt coming home till this Friday. I think he likes his independence.

Look at all these ends! Plus I've been very naughty!!

Knitting

I've finally, virtually finished the Stepping Stones jacket!! But look at all the ends I've got to weave in . there are hundreds of them. I've been weaving in as \i went along so some of them just need cutting off. I now have to wait till the weekend to get to Hoby Craft for some embroidery thread to sew up with<(you cant sew up with the chenille) and then complete the border, sew it on, wash and press the whole lot, (do you block cotton?) and hey presto!!!

After weeks of a photoless blog-drum roll....... TAH DAH!!! here are some piccies

this is the right side of the jacket, obviously not sewn up or pressed!!

just a few ends to sew in!!!



I've been very naughty!! I broke my stash enhancing ban! I knew it wouldnt take too long. I bought 2 skeins of Kureyon Sock from e-bay. Dont ask me which store, I cant remember!!! Hubby didnt even shout at me which I'm surprised at!! Especially as we're broke and I promised faithfully to use all my stash up and finish however many projects I've got yarn for up there!!! I recon its about 30 now counting sock and lace yarn. I've just seen some Louet Euroflax.....oh it looks gorgeous but I'm being controlled!!! (nibbles nails!)



FM

I'm doing very well indeed. My pain is minimal which is fab. I feel achy like when you've had a long hard day at work (not that I can remember that far back!) or a hard days shopping! (That I can remember!!)

Last week I had a FAB day out. I went into Manchester city centre to the IMAX to see U23D-( see badly loaded half button thingy on the right!)- It was O.K. I mean oggling Bono and Adam so close up was yummy. But I didnt think it was their best concert performance. I prefer My Vertigo DVD. There were also too many shots of the audience going wild. I didnt go to see that!! Still I enjoyed my little self. I went on my leccy scooter (also known as Mr Aston Martin! and no I dont own a real Aston Martin as one of my dear bloggy friends thought!!!) I'd never been to the cinema or Imax on my scooter before. The staff couldnt do enough for me. They were so nice.

After it finished I went into the Arndale centre(shopping mall) and had some lunch and alot of retail therapy. I forgot though that I had to transport all this stuff home! I had huge bags on each handle of my scooter and my poor legs squashed at either side!!! I also had a fight with a make up counter when I mis-judged a 3 point turn on my scooter. I became wedged under a ledge by my left arm and the only way to get out of it was to carry on moving forwards, dragging my arm wedged between the ledge and the scooter handle!!! Ouch. I have a lovely huge bruise at my left elbow!!! I was too embarased to ask for help.

I was very tired Friday, but realised that we have an engagement party this Saturday and Josh had a batmitzvah and one this weekend so I needed presents. On Saturday I reluctantly dragged hubby to the Trafford Centre(Yet another big shopping mall). We took my parents with. They were very grateful as Dad cant drive on the motorway any more. We litterally went to Debenhams and that was it. Hubby and Rachel went off on their own. I got 3 little pressies and a big one for thr engagement party. then we sat and had a coffee. untypically rachel wasnt out this saturday plus Sam was home sow e could've gone out. Rachel asked her friends round hoping we'd go out for the evening, but we were both so tired. I was in bed by 8pm! We watched a good film on tv though The Bourne Identitiy. I dont like thrillers and wouldnt have chosen to watch it but hubby and I were sat in bed and Josh had also been thrown out of the lounge coz of Rachels friends so we watched it. it was really gripping. The second one is on this Saturday. we'll have to tape it.

I do seem to have more energy. just lately. I went swimming Monday and did 12 baby lenghts and then came home and hoovered through the whole of downstairs. Tuesday my feet were very painful but I still hobbled to art. Tuesday night we had parents eve for Josh. But that is another post entirely!!!!
FM moves around. so whilst my feet arnt too bad, my shoulders and neck are killing me.



Diet

I'm partly ditching the GL diet as it just hasnt worked for me. I'm too inactive and the Lyrica plays havoc with my metabolism. I'm trying SlimFast to see if it will kick start the weight loss. I know quick fix diets dont work in the long term. BUT I cant imagine even this will be quick fix with me. Plus I have 3 stone to loose in 14 months so I look slim for Josh's Barmitzvah. I've always thought meal replacements a daft idea until now. But when you're desparate you'll do anything. so I'm doing as the advert says, a slimfast shake for breakfast, one for lunch and a sensible meal at night, plus 2 snacks in betweeen. This is where I'm sticking to the GL. Snacking on fruit or oatcakes rather that the pre-packaged slimfast snacks. I'm not really too keen on the shakes in terms of additives and preservatives but needs must. I've only been hungry between 4-7pm and in danger of over snacking but we'll see how it goes. I figure the only way I'll loose weight is to drastically cut calories. I may ask if I can come off the Lyrica now the Butrans patches are working we shall see.



The Earthquake

Did any one else feel that earthquake on Tuesday? I was startled out of sleep at 1 am by the walls and doors shaking and rattling. I was scared stiff. I knew what it was because I've experienced 2 other earthquakes in the last 20 years . i thought the epicentre was under our house it shook so violently! it woke Josh and Rachel up too who came running in. Norman stirred and thought I was shaking him awake!! Now I may be a tad hefty at the mo, but not that big!! Well its certainly a long time since the earth moved for me!!!!!

This weeks shenanigins-Josh's dart board and a valentines day meal out

Family front
Its half term and Josh has wangled a dart board out of us!! When he first started going on about it We refused point blank. Can you imagine? Poor old Sox (the cat) would be speared into the wall by his tail!! For 3-4 weeks we've just been saying no. But Josh is the king of the 'broken record' method of wearing you down. he just goes on and on and on. In the end he said we dont trust him(cant imagine why he'd have that idea!) and we dont treat him like a grown up. fair point so we had a discussion and decided to try trusting him. he paid for the dart board and its on his bedroom door. The bedroom door is now rather holey!! he's been warned. One step out of line and its removed forever. So far so good. I said to hubby perhaps treating him more adult like may pay off. But we wont hold our breath! It just needs one silly friend of his....
We've had a house full of rachels friends which I like , they're lovely kids. I have to laugh though. She never says, 'I'm asking so and so round' The door bell just rings and in walks whomever, then it rings again. and so it goes on! The only warning I need is if she's having any of her male friends stay for tea. 2 of them eat like horses and we've been embaressed before by not having enough food! We've had an endless slupply of Pizzas in. I do re-assure her friends that we do eat healthily sometimes!!! Rachel has driven me mad all wweek as My morning routine is to lie in then have a very hot soak in the bath to loosen my joints and muscles. every morning Rachel beat me to the bath and was in for over an hour so if I'd've waited it would've been 12 md before I got bathed. the day would've been gone!! I really got cross with her to which the standard reply is, 'chill woman (woman!!?). Its only a bath. jeez, keep yer 'air on'!!!
We had a great family day out on Sunday. we went to Beeston Castle in Cheshire. I sat in the grounds with the grannies as the climb to the castle ruins is very steep and left the others to it. I never thought about the logisitcs of actually getting to the castle. I should've taken my knitting or a book. So whilst they all huffed and puffed up the steep incline I sat in the februaruy sun and creeked to the loo!! what an exciting trip. Then we went on to a gorgeous pub in the countryside nearby and had Sunday lunch. it was yummmy. It was so warm we sat outside. I havnt done that for years. Afterwards, despite being stuffed, we took the kids to Cheshire Farm Which makes its own, gorgeous, icecream and we indulged. All in all it was a lovely day out and as I said to hubby, I dont think we've done that for about 5-6 years because of my illness's!!
Thursday I suggested we meet up with my parents for lunch forgetting hubby and I were out for valentines day. We went to Pizza Express. I had a salad nicoise so was very good. it was nice and a good chance for the grandparents to see the kids. Despite me making the arrangements dad paid so it was even better!!
last night Hubby and I went out for valentines day. we went to a local pub which does good food and had a special 3 course meal on for £18 per head. Which when you consider that a top Manchester hotel wanted £35 per head for a similar thing, is good value for money.It was my treat to say thankyou to hubby for all his caring and running around after me.

FM
On the FM front I'm tons better than I was . But my feet are hurting at present especially my heels. so walking is difficult. After Sunday I've been totally exhausted all week. Not helped by rachels hogging the bath routine. I've been showering and saving my soak for bedtime. I didnt really want to start the guilt trip bit,'I need the bath for my pain' routine. But I did blurt it out when I lost my temper with her. Today she's out at work with hubby. Free bathroom!!! except the cleaner is here so I had to get up and dressed!!
I've done very little this week. I think I overdid it the last few weeks coz I felt better.
Yesterday was a very uncomfortable day. sitting in a chair at the Pizza Express, then coming home and spending too much time on-line then sitting yet again in an uncomfy wooden chair for dinner last night. I sat in the restaurant for 10 mins and wished I was at home in bed! I grinned (or grimaced!) and bore it. With several 'loo' trips to stretch. ! I'd be no good on a long haul flight. Today I'm chair shapped and very sore!!!I've been sat here too long aswell. trouble is at present I cant really get comfy on the sofa. I have to sit with my legs up as they hurt, but Resting my heels on the recliner hurts so I'm knitting sloping down so my heels hang off the end of the recliner!!! Ah the joys!

KNITTING
I havnt done lot really. I'm just so uncomfortable at present and my hands and left shoulder hurt so its a few rows at time. Mind you there are 250 stitches on each row.! I've finished a sleeve of the Stepping stones jacket and have gone back and unpicked one side of the back where I knitted a peice in upside down!!. I'm getting there very slowly. By March I hope to at least have finished one W.I.P!!!

Diet
Hmmmm. I'm still stuck at the same weight I've been for 4 weeks despite my best GL efforts! I've signed up for a trial with the GL site. I didnt think they'd want me as I'm hardly star material am I. weight loss woman of the year!I dont think so. I could claim the 'Pissed of coz her weight wont come off because of the medication, especially Lyrica,' award!!!! (could they fit all that on the cup!?)

I've been tagged.!

I've been tagged by Fiona (knitsknatsknots blogspot) so I have to find 5 things to tell you about myself. Hmmm. Now Fionas were funny so I'm trying to think of something other than Married, 3 kids etc;







1)On our wedding video one of my little bridesmaids trod in some dog poop whilst we were being photographed in the park! so there is a lovely recording of me in loud Manchester accent going 'Mind the doggy do-dah'! Then there is a shot of a horse and rider going behing us.







2)When I was a student nurse and lived in halls they decided to extend the nurses residence. It was built in a 'T' shape. There I was sat on the loo one day when I heard all these male voices and turned to find several workmen looking in the toilet window through the scaffolding above me!!!EEEKKK





3)I used to love cooking and wnet through phases of making jam, brewing wine and making my own novelty birthday cakes.





4) I love art and have painted since I was a child. I once had a picture displayed on a TV show as a kid (vision on for those who remember it). and I won an art competition with Kellogs cornflakes.





5) Oh yeah my 'talents' as a child once won me the weekly talent contest at Pontins Holiday camp! (we lived the high life when I was small!) Tap dancing. I won through to the regional finals and so we had a free weekend in Pontins Blackpool in October!!! freezing and wet. i didnt get through to the national finals though. Perhaps the thought of another weekend in a cold wintery Pontins put me off!!





So there are 5 facts about me. I'm going to tag-Leigh Vixx Tracey woolydoodles sockpixie

PHEW THATS DONE. HOPE THE LINKS WORK. i'M USELESS AT LINKING THINGS UP!!

Parents are useful for some things!!!

General


Last week Sam rang us from Uni. Could dad come over and take him to Cosco to stock up on stuff for J-Soc!!! J-soc is short I think , for Jewish social . its the social organising branch Of the Union Of Jewish Students. Sam Is on the commitee in charge of making sure everyone who wants it gets a Sabbath meal and he organises the Saturday afternoon meal and other events!


See we are useful sometimes!! the weather was iffy last week so we agreed we'd only go over if the Pennines were clear of snow. The M62 is treacherous at the best of times over the top. It can be a heat wave everywhere but you get to the top of the Moors overSaddleworth and it can be foggy, snowing etc!


Sunday arrived. The weather was clear so hubby and I duly trudged over to Leeds to see eldest son. As I said at least e got to see him! After lots of wrangling over who on the committee was actually coming shopping, (committees!!!_too many cheifs..) we ferried him to Cosco. we sat in the cafe and had a mundane lunch(a jacket with tuna-the tuna was ,more mayonnaise than anything and tasted like cement).And let him do his shopping. We then had to take Sam and goods to The jewish students residents and unload. What an exciting day!At least I got my share of hugs and kisses from Sam to keep me going for a few weeks as he's not home till March.



last week was parents eve for Rachel. No probs there, sh'es doing really well.

As for junior monster...Hmmm!!! I was phoned by his form tutor last week to tell me he had detention , yet again this week! I had a good chat to her as we're concerned with buggerlugs behaviour. As his teacher said he's not a horror or saying nasty things or violent. He is silly and immature and just talks and messes around. We also spoke to his head of year at Rachels parents evening and she said the same. He also is hopeless at hiding his antics. He always gets caught. you can guarentee that if 4 boys are throwing erasers around the classroom, he'll be the one whos caught! he has that cheeky twinkle in his eye.

Lets hope he grows out of it soon.

Rachel has been in a foul mood this week and its not hormones. I think its the pressure of exams. She's scowled, bit our heads off and been very un-cooperative.. a normal teenager really!!!



Knitting

I've finished the other front of the jacket and have started a sleeve. Rachel has pinched my camera for her art G.C.S.E so I cant take any snaps.



FM

On the FM front things have really been looking up. I've been able to walk a bit further. I went to Town with Rachel on Satruday and we had lunch at Wagamamas. Yuk!! I wont bother again. We prefer Tampopo for noodles.

I managed to walk around the new bit of the Arndale shopping centre which is very nice and swish.

Mind you today I'm shattered as I couldnt sleep, had to be up for the cleaner, so I've had 4 hours sleep. Then I had to tidy the house a bit so she could clean. although I gave up on Josh's pigstye!!

DIET
this is driving me bonkers. here I am being good on my GL eating plan and I'm not loosing an inch or pound come to that!! Its these blasted meds I know, but its a bit disheartening. I look like I stuff my face all day with fried food, chips, choc etc, but I dont I eat very healthily. Its because I'm not so mobile I think. If I could exercise moe then the weight would move a bit. Sniff wail!! perhap I'm destined to be a fat lump!!
I'm taking part in some research for a dietician who wants to introduce GL eating to the NHS. he wont be pleased with my results then!! heee,HEE

knitting Pictures At Last!

KNITTING

On the knitting front I'm still plugging away at the stepping stones jacket. But finally here are some piccies

. The left front and start of right front

I read other peoples knitting blogs and they're so full of beautiful things and people knit so fast. still I'll plod along in my usual fashion !

I'm up to the boring bits in this design now. I have to fill in all the spaces in between the triangles. picking up stitches all along. its really tedious. But never mind. theres a few socks waiting at the end of it!!

FM

On the FM front things are alot better. I think these pain patches are finally working. Which reminds me I was supposed to change it at 11 am today and I've forgotten!!.

I've been out and about on my scooter which has really cheered me up and given me a sense of freedom. Friday I went to the library and delivering some cards. One of my friends invited me to stay for lunch which was nice. Today I've had a bit of a disaster with the scooter. O dont think it likes the cold weather plus hills. It kept stopping and the back wheels locking. so I kept having to turn off the ignition restart it and push!! Just near home it gave up the ghost and died on me!! I rang hubby to come from work and bail me out! But in the end I managed to get it going slowly and ended up pushing the dam thing home!!

I'm getting very bored at home which is a good sign and I feel very restless.

We went out for a meal yesterday for an indian. it was yummy. Saturday nights are getting me down as Rachel is always out so we've no sitter for Josh so hubby and I have decided to go out Sundays insted. next weekw e're hoping to just go for a drink. I've organised my mid week socialising so I'm going out for lunch most weeks but not twice in a week. I've spread them out so I have something to look forward to.

Send in the Fire Brigade!!

FM
The gloom and threatening depression seems to have lifted thankfully. I'm feeling much brighter mentally. Physically is another matter! The pain patches are helping with the aching, but not the burning. I'm on fire. I dont know where to put myself at night so I've not been going to sleep till 3am ish. Send me a nice handsome fireman to put the fire out!!He, He!
funnily enough I'm feeling better because my neighbour who takes me to swimming has had an operation and cant go obviously. So I'm using a taxi. it gives me a sense of more independence. sounds silly but because I have to make the decision to go swimming myself and order the taxi I feel freer. I just hate relying on other people. Infact I've refused the care vouchers from Local authority as I want to be as independent as poss for as long as posible.
I was going to go out on my scooter this afternoon as the sun is out and do some errands, but last night the tumble dryer decided to suddenly make horrid grating noises so I've found an engineer to come this afternoon. bet he turns up at 5pm when its dark. Even though its freezing the sun is out and I'm itching to step outside. Ah well. The best laid plans as they say.

Knitting
The Stepping Stones jacket continues to grow. I've done 1 side of the front and started on the other side. I'll try and take piccies to make the blog more interesting.
I was going to pic up a sock and finish it and send them to my sis fro her birhtday, but I want to finish this jacket off. that 'll be a first for a long time. Sticking to one thing and finishing it. I usually have 4-5 on the go and alternate.


general
Theres not much to report. Josh is behaving -ish. Rachel has cooked alll the meals this week and done a beautiful job. I'm so grateful. Sam did say he was coming home this weekend, but change dhis mind.
a
short blog this week.

The return of the pain patch saga and more in the saga of an 11 year old pre teen!!!

FM
I was hoping this blog would be a mainly knitting, non moaning blog. But a certain little unwelcome visitor rules my life so I'm going to moan away.
Last week was the pits! Un known to me until Monday, I had a bug and temperature. How would I not know? Well I feel like I've got the flu most of the time. I ache esp my legs and my skin is sore to touch. Some days its so 'alive' I cant bear wearing clothes next to my legs. I've had to stop wearing jeans as they're to heavy for my legs and wear soft trackies or a skirt.
Anyway, back to the bug. Sunday my legs felt like my bones were broken. Smashed into smithereens. Nothing unusual there. it also hurt to swallow. nothing unusual there. my throat flares up constantly. I was really tired. Nowt new there either! Mon I went to swimming but came home and went to bed. In bed I was sweating. Nowt new there either! I often have periods of sweating. its the SSRI's I beleive. Any way, just out of curiosity I took my temp and low and behold it was 38C. I slept then for the whole of monday afternoon, evening and night!
So I was housebound for the rest of the week. I'd decided to go swimming Friday, but my cleaner let me down so I had to do a bit of cleaning in between rests. I recon I could probably manage the house if I did one room a day, but I prefer the cleaner and save my energies for other things. So by Saturday I was climbing the walls. Rachel asked me to go to town with her as she wanted to go to Primark. Primark on a Saturday! OMG!! You need to steal yourself to go there esp on an electric scooter! Anyway I'd said yes on Friday, but when Saturday came I was so stiff and sore from over doing it on the cleaning front Friday that I stayed in. actually I had rather a nice afternoon. Josh was over the road at his friends so I put my U2 Vertigo Tour DVD on a sat knitting, singing along!wishing I'd been able to go to the concert in '05 Grrrr-bleeding illness. Whenever the next U2 tour is I shall be there! even if I'm strapped in a bed!!!
and now to this week. More moaning I'm afraid. I went to the GP's Monday coz I've run out of tramadol. I told him about the pain pathces. 5mg not enough-10mg too strong. Should I remain on tramadol until I go back to the pain clinic in march? he asked me to try the 5mg patch again for a whole month as see what developed. so here I am 48 hrs later with no pain cover again going mad as they take 3-5 days to absorrb into your body. I was so uncomfortable in the night thatI didnt go to sleep until 5am! Then I was up at 7am and finally fell asleep at 9.30 am until 12.45pm! I was woken by my neighbours frantically ringing the bell to see if I was OK. The curtains were shut downstairs and they were worried about meWhich is very nice, but I feel like some old dear.
I'm feeling very down again about the whole FM thing. how boring is my life? I rely on Norman for everything. I need xyz, I have to wait until weekend when he can take me. I'm so pissed off with it all. I want my life back but its not going to happen.
And to cheer me up even furhter today, my throat is bad and I've a mild temp again. I suspect this temp of mine is going up more than I've realised.

Family
And to cheer me up even more, last weeks crap news was that my Mum needs another lot of Chemo. This is the third lot she's had now. I'm more upset now than in the past I think coz as it gets further down the line you wonder how much she can take before it totally overhwelms her. Also wwith Josh's barmitzvah a year in April, I want her there. In fact last night I tried listening to my weight loss CD as it usually relaxes me and I go to sleep. But one of the images is seeing yourself in the future, slim , with a new outfit on. My Image is of me infront of the mirror on the morning of Josh's barmitzvah looking slim in my posh suit. But last night, or 3o'clock this morning I couldnt cunjour the image up. I kept thinking of Mum and the uncertain future and it got me upset so I abandoned the tape. But she's held the C off before now twice so lets just hope. its been 4 years now that she's been battling and I just get this sense that time, god forbid , is running out. I hope not.

other than that rachels' had some of her mock results and was in a foul temper last night as they're 'not good enough'. She has mostly A's but a few B's. Fine by me. I said to her she's worked really hard and done her best and the results were fine. I think she was hoping for a string of A* but its not the real thing till May. Sam got 11 GCSE's 4A* and 4A's so she pitting herself against him. Actually overall, in her school work Rachel has always been brighter than Sam so I dont think she should worry.

Josh-Oh Boy!! that kid is like Bart Simpson and just lurches from one disaster to another. he came home Monday after school and asked me had Mrs so and so rang? No she hadnt. well?.... I'm waiting, what have you done now? Turns out he'd punched a girl friend in the stomach, he thought playfully, but it was really hard. The girl had to see the school nurse! Josh was to stay in 'exclusion' all yesterday and have an afterschool detention aswell as punishment. He , according to him, didnt do anything. But then he never does. The world collapses around him and he's done nothing.
He came home yesterday and said exclusion was fine! he'd sat in a classroom all day with some other naughty kids, read a bit, done some homework and played the system. With each teacher change into the classroom he'd asked to go to the toilet. some times he's needed it and sometimes he's wandered around the school for 10 mins and wandered back! He didnt have an after school either. some punishment!! Its like water off a ducks back to him. whatever we or school do, its like'wha'ever' in that Katherine tate voice! grrrr!He was so rude to me and Hubby at dinner time last night that I told him he couldnt go across the road to his friends. He was answering us back and giving us hell, so I turned round and said' dont you dare speak to me and your father in that disrespectful manner. We didnt put you in exclusion all day . YOU did that by your own actions. So speak politely to us or not at all.' That shut him up!!!
He was nice as pie after that. Hubby took grumpy Rachel to a sixth form open evening at school and I sat with him. warned him I was in pain and tired so to behave. he had a bath at 8pm and was in bed for 9pm which is what he needed. I made a fuss of him so he was mollified. He's exhausting that child!!

Knitting
well considering this was to be primarily a knitting blog until some little sod of an illness rept in a stole the shwo!, there isnt alot to tell. I'm plodding on with the Stepping Stones jacker. I've done one front triangle row and am filling in the side triangles which is laborious. To be honest I am now bored. I've finished the back and the front is a replica and I'm finding it tedious. But I'm determined this time to finish one project at a time and not have 5-6 on the go! But I can feel another sock beconing me! Dont give in.

Weight loss
yay another 1lb off this week!! I'm so happy.

A positive start

Weight loss

This first week and a bit has got off to a good start. 2 lb off in the first week! I'm finding cutting carbs very hard, but I know that as I'm so inactive and on all these meds that mess up my metabolism, its the only way I loose weight. I'm listening to Glennn Harolds weight loss CD which is helping. I have had a few bowls of cereal though and 1/2 a jacket last night but overall not much. TThis is NOT Atkins BTW! I tried that once and lasted 1 week. dreadful idea, all those eggs and cheese and cream YUK!!! I felt sick so abandoned it. I'm eating low GL and cutting out bread, spuds and pasta etc but using beans and lentils and barley for carbs.

Typical day;

Breakfast- stewed compot with goats yogurt

L- bowl homemade soup-at the mo its curried root veg and barley

D-tuna steak with veg/chicken of some sort with veg etc

snacks- fruit/nuts/seeds/humous and carrots

My idea was to up the exercise so apart from swimming to finally use the yoga DVD gathering dust on the shelf. Thankfully the DVD is titled Yoga for Energy and is aimed at people like myself with CFS/FM etc and is in stages. I managed the opening stretches and lying poses but then had to stop. eventually I'll staedily increase and be able, hopefully to do the full dvd. This is why I've not re-joined a yoga class. I reckon I could only manage 10 mins at the most.

KNITTING

On the knitting front I'm still doing the stepping stones Jacket from Colinette; finally a piccie of the back in progress and one of Cinders attacking the yarn whilst I'm trying to photograph it!!

FM

On the FM front I'm the same as ever. I went to The Trafford Centre again on Saturday, but on my scooter as I really couldnt walk 2 steps that day. I bought some own brand 'Ugg'Boots for £25 in the sale so that pleased me , and a large shoulder bag to go crosswise over my chest when I'm on my scooter. What drove me MAD on Saturday were the poeple who just barge into you or fall over you as they dont see you. or they stare at you like you've got 3 heads or something. It was worse still in the wheelchair though. Now I know how babies feel in their buggies.

My legs felt like My bones were full of broken glass on Sunday and Monday. and I was really exhausted. I just put it down to FM being worse than normal, but Monday afternoon I climbed into bed and the sweat was rooling off me. As my throat hurt to swallow, which is also normal for me, my tonsills flare up regularly, I decided I'd check my temperature. Low and behold it was high at 38c . No wonder I felt ill. I slept for the whole of the rest of the day and night and felt better yesterday. Thats it though, I can never tell if I have a bug coz I feel like I've got 'flu all the time!!
General Musings

Rachel is well into her GCSE mocks and is studying hard. She's wonderful as ever. I was only thinking on Saturday how unselfish she is. NOT typical of a teenager who's nearly 16 at all. she made a beautiful apple turnover with caramel sauce in it yesterday so I had to have 2 mouthfuls. it was devine.

Sam is back at uni, in the middle of exams and Josh is not too bad at the minute. I think the recent groundings may have done him some good. perhaps its sinking into that brain of his that we mean business and he cant behave just as he wants. Still he's only been back at school 3 days so we shall see how things go. he's been moved down 1 set in Ivrit which has cheered him up as he clashed terribly with his previous Ivrit teacher and he likes this one. lets hope he sttles down a bit more now its his second term.

I often think of things to write on here in the middle of the night and then forget them by the time I've woken up!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Wishing everybody who reads this a healthy and happy year ahead.
2007 was a mixed bag for me,
Positive things
My Husband and kids continue to be my rock and give me lots of wonderful things
I'm no longer depressed
I've carried on knitting and created a few nice things
I've made new friends on various forums I go on
I'm more accepting of the FM and have found ways of coping with it.I have a good survivial strategy
This was the year I travelled a long path of psychology and won and was discharged with good coping strategies and a beleif in myself that I can survive and cope in the big wide world.

Negative
FM -I started the year not being able to walk far and with a stick, but it has deteriorated to the point that I now need a scooter or wheelchair when out.
The FM has altered my life style unbeleivably this last year and it would be very easy to sit back and wallow in it all and become depressed.
Josh's behaviour has been a huge trial this year. But we've ridden the storm and usually solved the imediate crisis.
Both sets of parents continue to have deteriorating health, mostly due to old age.
I've fought and lost a huge battle with my eating and weight.

Resolutions for 2008
To be very strict regarding my diet and stop dieting and eat healthily. Ther in lies the key. I have a hypnosis tape which is re-enforcing some positive beleifs and helping me come to realise and acknowledge my unhealthy eating habits. if the weight doesnt come off it will be due to meds and inactivity but there are 16 months to Josh's Barmitzvah so hopefully I can shed some if not all of the 3 stones I need to loose. getting rid of the mind set that I'm on a diet is very important. I'm now going to eat healthily.

I'm going to carry on Knitting. it is marvellous for building self esteem. it helps me cope with pain and it helps my foggy brain.

I'm going to carry on going swimming and hydrotherapy and managing my pain as best as I can.

KNITTING
On the knitting front I'm working on a Colinette Jacket called Stepping stones. its very intricate and has lots of diff stitches so I'm not bored yet. Its made by joining pieces into one to make the whole jacket so as it builds up its getting quite heavy to hold. I have 200 plus stitches OTN so I'm usins a circ. Its starting to hurt my shoulders and hands but I'm not one for giving up.

FM
Why do I keep kiding myself I'm going to be cured and I keep clutching at straws. when I was on the Butrans patches I had fabulous pain releif. So I thought , hey ,great ,now I'm not in pain I can do loads .I'm cured!!!! But the exhaustion hasnt gone away, as I found out!! I became really angry and dissapointed. This made me very grumpy with everyone.
I stopped the patches as I was out to lunch on them. I had no pain for 1 whole week after stopping the patches, again I thought , Fab! The patches have shut off the pain gateways. perhaps my brain has been re-educated and I wont feel the pain in future!! I even managed a 1 and 1/2 hour walk around The Trafford Centre (huge shopping mall). I woke up today stiff, sore and in pain! its back!! I wonder why it is that when I dont feel pain or exhaustion I immediately begin to hope and also question whether it was so bad in the first place!!

Family
Sam came back from Israel all happy happy and in love . he's spent the rest of the time here asleep or on the computer!!! Norman keeps loosing his temper with him. I just let it ride over my head unless I need Sam to help me with something!
Josh is grounded again! I found the missing cigarettes from M-I-L's pack. They were at the bottom of a rolled up car mat inhis wardrobe. He' says they must've fallen out of the pack!! Norman beleives him! I dont. I went to get some matches to light one and force him to smoke it but he backed away and refused. Josh seems to be enjoying his grounding!!! he's a much nicer person and Norman has taken him to a local park today to use his remote car that he bought with his Chanukah money!! he did ask to go to the Pictures but I refused. Grounding means just that, no treats, no money spent on him until we decide his behaviour warrants it.
Rachel is studying hard for her mocks which start on Wednesday. We've had lots of her friends popping up all holiday. I dont mind them being here at all, but she never asks and then wants one of the boys to stay for tea. The boys all have big appetites and I need notice of they're staying for tea. Or she's turned round at 10pm and asked Norman to drive her somewhere!! Just like that which has caused a few arguments.
We have both sets of parents for New years Dinner tommorrow and Wed nesday they're back to school and Sam goes back to Uni!!!
All in al,its been a good holiday. We've had the party which went very well. we've been to the cinema twice and we're going to a friends house tonight to party. Hope I make it to midnight!!

Bye Bye 2007 and lets hope 2008 is a better year.

I am so Pissed off with myself and this bleeping FM!

FM
Of course it has to be FM doesnt it. I think I've got my life maneagable and some teenzy weenzy thing throws it all off kilter. This weeks episode? Hubby was working away for 2 nights. Fine. No problem. There was me, Rachel and Josh. What was there not to be able to manage about it? Well this is what my brain thought, but my body obviously had other ideas. I have a set routine at home which makes me able to manage the pain and exhaustion which involves not doing a great deal. One thing I have discovered is that , apart from being drugged up, I just cant handle early mornings. This is my usual routine;
Hubby wakes me up about 7.30am with a cup of Redbush tea. I surface out of my drugged sleep enough to creek to the loo, about 2 feet as we have an en-suite, and I drink my tea. The kids come in, give me a hug and kiss etc and I fall back asleep after they leave for school.
10.30/11ish am, I re-surface and get up. if I'm going to the gym I get dresed slowly-usually leaving out the socks as I cant reach.If its not a gym day I stay in my jammies a bit longer.
Go down with everything I need for the day so I dont have to climb the stairs again if poss.
Get another brew and breakfast.If Its not a gym day I go for a long hot soak at this point to ease the stiffness and pain.
12.30 usually out of the bath/or 1.45pm usually back from swim and hydropool hopefully loosened up enough to put socks on!!!
2pm-lunch whilst watching 60Min makeover!
I empty dishwasher in bits during intervals. Sit and knit
Put odd wash load in
Go on Computer.
4.30pm Josh gets in from school.I make him a hot drink
5.30pm make Josh his tea cos he's too hungry to wait for us
Rachel gets home from school about 5.30pm
Norman get in around 6.30
he makes tea, washes up, clears up, He takes Josh football training and does the Tesco shop on a Thursday.
I help Josh with his homework,
By 8.30-9pm I'm back in bed again exhausted (i have such a busy day-not!!).
Norman usually shoves Josh in the bath and makes his supper. I shout encouragment from the bedroom!

So Norman dissapeared on business, Rachel was really ill with a nasty flu type virus and out of helping action.All I did was make 2 teas, one for josh which I think was a hot dog and ajacket potato with tuna for me. Not exactly rocket science, I then loaded the dish washer, ran Josh's bath, made his supper which is usually cereal and ahot choc, locked the house up and had us both tucked up in my bed by 9pm.
I got up with my alarm at 7.15am Tues morning, creeked painfully downstairs to make Josh and I a brew and sat with him whilst he got dressed. He loved the undivided attention. After he left for school I went back to bed for 1 hour as Tuesday is art class so I get up at 10am on a Tuesday.
I was given a lift by my friend. Now I needed some birthday cards and some cash. Norman usually deals with these kind of things But as my pal was going to Tesco I decided I'd go in with her, get the cash and the cards and sit and have a sandwhich and coffee whilst she did her shopping. I managed somehow to walk from the car into the supermarket and to the card bit. My legs were seriously giving out on me by this time and I fell into the cafe gratefully. I somehow managed to hobble back to the car. when I got home I collapsed into bed totally drained and hardly able to move. I wasnt up when Josh got home, but I managed to throw some Curry sauce over some chicken breasts for our tea.
Josh decided he was going to build a model out of polystyrene and made a rip roaring mess! he cleared it up under suferance but his idea of clearing up and mine are 2 diff things so I ended up hoovering the kitchen, then I for some reason flicked round the lounge. of course my body gave out again. it was dustbin night so I got Josh to put the bin out as there was no way i could manage and with Rachel out of action it was hopeless.
I slept badly and fell out of bed Wed am to wake Josh up. I was so exhausted I went back to bed. Norman got home at 10am and I wanted to be bright and breezy and greet him with a smile. Instead this miswerable, exhausted wreck greeted him.
I have been so angry and frustrated with myself all week. it took 2 days of being virtually in bed to regain a modicum of strenght back.
I feel better today, only because last night Norman said something unintentionally to me and I took it the wrong way and started crying so at least I could vent my anger and dissapointment at myself and how useless I feel.
I'm also beginning to feel the lack of daylight and am worrying incase I get depressed. I have been a bit down lately and have no desire for a visit from 'the black dog' thank you very much which is why I am sat here writing my tombe With the SAD lamp on.
I seriously need to fill some thought sheets in from my CBT sessions and get things into perspective.

The dietary front
I've lost control again. I dont know if its the cold weather or my mood or boredom but I've been pgging chocolate again and put wight on. With this in mind I bought a hypnosis CD and have been using it religiously every day to help the vravings. The first 3 days were murder and I had the urge to raid the chocs again, but I resisted. I'm not worrying about eating smaller prtions just yet. One thing at a time. Once the cravings are under control and I can look at a choc bar and imagine it as apile of dog pooh I'll worry about reducing portion sizes and getting properly back to GLing again! I'm very pleased with myself as I've done very well the last 4 days. I've had 3 meals and any snacks have been fruit or a handful of nuts so onward and downwards as far as the weight is concerned.

WE're having a Party!!!
For the first time in 4 years I'm entertaining again!!!! Because of the FM and depression I've literally not had a friend in the house for this long. I'm really excited. Mind you I'm hardly doing a Fanny Cradock. I've asked all our gueast to bring a dish with. Its not quite a 'pot luck' supper as most guests have asked what to bring so I've co-ordinated it. if I had to cater I wouldnt actually be at the party, I'd be in bed.I have cooked half a salmon and will be cooking some pizzas and party bites tommorrow!! Not quite up to my old standards but its a start. As we've been off the social map for so long we've asked all our friends from ages past so about 28 of us plus kids will be partying!!! its one night I'm not going to diet.

Well if anyone actually reads this and is still awake at this point I wish you all a Happy Holiday.

Banana Scarf

Here is the scarf i made from the banana fibre yarn I got from Harrogate Knitting and Stitching show the other week. its a heavy fibre but has softened up by hand washing. It is actually warm to wear. Note the beautifully drapped scarf around the banana!!! Good job Hubby is the photographer not me!!